What can I do about an irrational senior mother?

@apples - you might try your local agency on aging and'or social services., also any alz/dementia group in town, or caregivers group. Looking after a demented senior is not small job. There may well be help out there for you. The job is not going to get any easier. If her doc will call her incapacitated, which I suspect she is at stage 5 alz. you can go through the courts for guardianship or conservatorship so you can manage her finances. Eventually she may need to be placed in a facility for the good of all. Read around thus site - there are many going through thge same thig. Great that your brother is on board. Good luck!

I can so relate. So much. My mom has started something new lately. If I 'talk back' to her (her words), she 'punishes me' by staying in her room after making huge messes in the kitchen. I took her to my sister's house yesterday around 2pm so I could meet with my son a few miles away to have dinner out, a rare event for me. My sister finally got to witness what I've been telling her about Mom. I met my son at 3pm and we had about one hour of a great visit before mom started calling me. I sent a text to my sister to make sure mom was okay and then tried to continue enjoying my short visit with my son. Six calls in less than 20 minutes to me and 4 calls to my son's phone. Her messages were demanding, asking why it was taking me so long. I'd met my son 30 minutes away and really had just gotten there. After two hours I just gave up because the calls weren't going to stop. She told my sister she knew I'd get mad at her for calling but 'she didn't care and was going to call me anyway" ... which she did. When I arrived back at my sister's house to pick her up, my sister asked if we'd had a good time and I said .."we were until the phone calls started." That really made Mom mad and she said .."I knew it! I knew you'd be mad at me for calling!" and she was stomping around, gathering up her purse for me to take her home. All in all, including the travel time (one hour), I was away from her for 3 hours and 15 minutes. That is how possessive and obsessive she is of me. And because I dared to speak up, she's refusing to talk today ... only coming out of her room to cook (three times today) and make another huge mess in the kitchen.

So we have set a family meeting for this Saturday. It will be my sister and brother in law, my nephew, my son and me ... and we are going to tell mom she needs to go to independent living. She has the funds. I'm so very tired of her obsessing about me and so tired of being with her constantly. I so want to enjoy my mom in her final years but the stress is really hurting me. She has already alienated my sister by 'dismissing her' and not wanting to spend any time with her and now my son, who has always loved his Grandmother -- is not happy with her.

None of this is easy.

(((((BJ1Okla)))) sounds familiar. It used to be phone calls, then it became emails. I have had up to 25 in a day demanding attention, and she gets mad when they don't get answered immediately. I don't think there is any enjoying a narcissistic parent - not much anyway, I am glad you are having a family meeting and telling your mum she has to go into independent living. The stress does hurt, and more and more as you get older. I would be thankful that she won't talk today, though I know the atmosphere this kind thing creates is sheer tension. Be prepared for her to react and overreact and say nasty thungs, but hold firm. This is no way for you and your family to live, I am so sorry that so many of us have to go through this. I had a childhood full of it, a teenage, young, middle aged, and older adulthood, and now at 75 I want some peace. I need some peace. Protect yourself! Blessings and (((((hugs)))) Let us know how the meeting goes.

Get a shrink.

What ever it takes, get her out of your house. Period! They are nothing but "Mental Vampires."