I live in Wales UK. I am not a caregiver, but my 90 year old mother has began saying abusive things to me when nobody else is about, usually on the phone, but seems to behave normally to everyone else. If I tell her how distressing I find it, she laughs more and more. The more upset I am, the more she laughs. She does remember these episodes for a while, but says they are my fault and are normal behaviour. My sister will not discuss it as she has a thing about 'family triangles' and my brother is autistic spectrum. My husband has health problems and it is really upsetting me.
In the UK, the term "Counsellor" is meant also as a "Counsellor at Law", or here in the U.S.A., it would mean a lawyer, or an attorney.
In the U.S., a counselor would mean a therapist, geriatric psychiatrist, or even a social worker who may counsel others concerning an emotional problem.
Which did you mean?
Thank you again.
If her comments continue, I'd wonder if it is something that she can't control. If it is dementia, it's really not her talking, but the illness. Counseling is a great idea, if you are struggling. Your own doctor may be able to provide you with a referral.
When my LO was saying mean things, I didn't know what was causing and I thought that she was just being mean to me for no reason. I didn't argue though and just ignored her or changed the subject. Later, I learned it was dementia and I had more compassion for her. I know that it was not intended to hurt me. That helps me a lot.
Do you have friends or family that you can share your feelings? Sometimes, that helps too.
I am a firm believer that we teach people how to treat us. Just like a child..she seems to be losing compulsion control. Those people who are close to them are the usual victims because they feel comfortable enough to do this. Stop making it comfortable.
My Dad was extremely abusive. I started walking away and staying away. After a few times of not getting what he wanted because he verbally abused me...he did learn that treating me that way was not getting him what he wanted.
I believe they do have some control...they keep it together around other people..so they can do it. Just make it too uncomfortable for them to do it to you. I mean honestly, being a caring person does not include being a doormat.
None of what you describe is your fault. Your Mom, your sister, your brother, your husband. Whew! I feel for you. Maybe go talk to a counselor for yourself to learn some coping skills but under the circumstances, anyone in your position would be upset.