What should I do about not being able to see mom and dad for their 70th anniversary?

Illness, age, distance and circumstances can make travel impossible at times. A phone call will have to subsitute.

Kudos to you for making it happen! I'm sure your parents were happy. Wow, sorry to hear that mom has been ill. The determination you used to get there is what you need to leave. Is she bed bound or just not willing to do it herself?

By the way, my husband, puppy and I drove down to Florida for their 70th wedding anniversary and surprised them! We found a way! Now there’s another problem-I have been here for 7 weeks just to wipe her rear since she became ill and she doesn’t want me to leave! Now tell me what to do!?

I'd sound sad too to let you know that you're important and will be missed but that doesn't mean that I'd go back on being ok with you doing the logical thing.

Really, you don't want the opposite of sounding sad. It's a compliment. Reply with you feel the same and that you'll be thinking of them and about how grateful you are for her understanding especially at this time.

Send her and your dad eight cards from the dollar store. Write something touching in each, maybe a memory. The eighth one is for good luck wishing them another 10 years. Send one of those chocolate covered fruit bouquets. Tell them that you'll be look up at the night sky on their anniversary and will be thinking about their amazement journey over 70 years and how proud you are of them.

If your mom is actually guilting you, tell her - "Seriously mom, I need this rest". And don't give details. "Everything will be fine if I'm quiet for a little while".

I agree that if you had been more forth coming, our answers may have been different.

So sorry.

And for those who were kind and recognized there might be circumstances affecting my decision - THANK YOU!

By the way all, my 92 year old mom wants me to bring the puppy! Anyone have breast cancer right now? I do, so I'm worse off than my mom. Take care all of you hypocritical people!

Scroll down and read the OPs reply about how often she visits her parents. It's A LOT. I stand by my replies below. Your mother is being selfish and a brat. With all the traveling you do to see your parents how pathetic that your mother would guilt trip you because of this. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Unfortunately you are just going to have to ignore moms manipulations because you are not doing what she wants. Geez what is wrong with your mother.

Did you know that their anniversary was coming up when you got the puppy? It's too bad you made that choice but it was yours to make and you have to deal with whatever feelings you are having about it now. It's not necessary for you to attend the anniversary. It's also possible for you to board your puppy. It's a choice.

Whew, after reading all the answers, I am glad my parents decided no more anniversary celebrations after their 25th. Mom had learned from watching her parents having a big celebration every 5 years, big party, picture in the newspaper type stuff.

My Mom just didn't want to have engraved trays, dishes, vases, picture frames, etc. that she would rarely use. She was delighted with a nice Hallmark card, a telephone call, and a vase of flowers.

Such celebrations work if the grown children live in the same general area. Travel today is a nightmare.

We had 2 visitors last week, and after they flew back home, one of them tested positive for covid, and she is pretty sick right now. Knock on wood, we don't have any symptoms. They had run into plane delays and cancellations, packed airports, packed plane thus chances are that is where covid was introducing itself.

So, just a few ideas....

It may be helpful to ask your puppy's vet and a dog grooming place near you - they usually have other options to consider, and possibly someone on their staff could take your puppy in while you're away and pet sit. I don't know if your town has doggy day care - sometimes, they'll house dogs while people are on holiday/vacation (and it's not like typical boarding/kennels - a lot of really nice for the pampered pup) - plus, they may be able to help train your pup while you're away - you may even want to hire a pet sitter to stay at your house (there are listed and bonded companies)...or are there any friends,family, neighbors, etc who'd take your puppy in for that time frame? You could google "pet sitters" and it's pretty common to find companies that arrange this.

These are options to consider that may make you more comfortable - I'm a very big dog lover and while traveling for business, I had to be very creative to make sure my little pup was always provided for! And congrats to your parents for 70 yrs - that's a terrific celebration to be part of - if it's what you'd like to do.

They must have had celebrations for their 50th and 60th? You're probably concerned about being on the plane, they probably are as well, so a good compromise is video chat. You could celebrate their 70th later when it is more convenient for both of you.

if a puppy, then he/she can sit in dog carrier on plane right in front of you under your seat. I sat with a lady on 5 hr flight with small dog in carrier right in front of her. She was hesitant to go to bathroom because the dog was looking at her the whole time. It can be done. Another idea is to do video chat with them on that special day. Send a special present. Hugs.

Could you have someone come in and watch your puppy so that you can go see your parents on their 70th anniversary? 70 years is a big deal.

Mom is not “making” you feel guilty. You are doing that to yourself.

Could you trust a reliable pet sitter for a few days?

Unless there is some big party, I am not sure why you are expected to attend. Sure it would be nice but not everyone can just walk away from their current obligations, let alone afford to take a plane ride out AND kennel a dog. As another poster mentioned...do you fly out on every birthday too?

I spent the last week in June on a cruise. I had to fly back thru Canada having a 9 hr LO in Toronto. It was a nightmare. We had not flown since 2010 and that was non-stop to Vegas. After 11pm the airport has only a skeleton crew and one place to eat. No one to help us get where we needed to go. Then security and customs just making our flight. Oh, and our first flight was cancelled. So needed to get another flight. My DH and I are 72 and 75 and I will never fly again unless its non-stop. I just looked up to see what I would have to do to visit a friend in WA me flying from Philly. No matter how I work it there is a layover. Some places 8 hrs.

At 90 years old do you really think your parents can fly to you. To be honest, I don't know if I would fly to them with the way things are now. Not just the security thing but the COVID thing. We have never had it but contracted it somewhere on our trip. Flights are being cancelled left and right.

Not everyone makes 70 yrs of Marriage. Its a shame u will miss it because you have no one to care for the puppy. You wouldn't even trust your vet to kennel the pup?

dear OP,

:)
70 is amazinnnnng. please go. i hope you do. please write back to us, "i went!"
(if your puppy could talk, i bet he would say, "gooooooo to your parents, woof, woof!")
(dogs are very wise).

such moments must be celebrated to the maximum!! your parents are probably 1 in a billion, who've been married 70 years. amazing.

my parents had a big wedding anniversary, too (not 70, but still big). i organized a huge party for them, secretly carrying roses and more roses through the backdoor. scrumptious food. live music. a beautiful photo album, with pictures that were even taken earlier that morning on their wedding anniversary. i presented the album to them in the evening.

your parents will appreciate any effort you make. 70 is incredible.

bundle of joy :)

While a 70th anniverary may be a big deal to the OPs parents. It's not a big deal for OP. It's not their anniversary and while it's great the parents are still together after 70 years in the ultimate scheme of it all it really is only important to the parents not the elderly adult children.

It isn't that big of a deal for the OP to be there if there is not going to be a huge party to commemorate this milestone. Chances of this happening at their age is probably slim to none.

No party. No reason for OP to drive a day and a half or fly just to be there. Thats like saying OP should have to visit their parents on every birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc because at their age it might be their last one.

Mother 100% is gas lighting OP with manipulation. For Pete's sakes the OP has got to be over 65 at this point and still being guilted by mom. More than likely a tactic and dynamic that is part of their relationship.

Why can't OP just visit another time? Why does it have to be on the exact date of the 70th anniversary? How often does OP visit their parents?

You either get a friend to pet sit, hire a pet sitter or board the puppy.
A 70th anniversary is a pretty big deal. My guess is your parents are in their 80's or 90's. how many more are they going to have.
You mention in your profile you are caring for someone with cancer...if it is either of your parents then you should make all the more effort to be there.
Sorry to heap a burden on your shoulders. Did not want to use the "G" word but I think you would feel sorry if this was a missed opportunity.

I hire someone to live in my house with my dogs while I travel, I do not board them.

Don't understand why you cannot drive there, if you need help ask a friend to go along with you to help you drive.

You have made your decision be honest with them, you do not want to go. That's the bottom line.

When is the anniversary, and how are your parents planning to celebrate it? If it isn't imminent perhaps there's time to work something out other than:

"I can't come to your party, you should have given us more notice, but why don't you two people in your nineties get on a plane and come to us for a month instead?"

And what about their dog? Do they still have a dog?

I never quite know what to say when posters seem to be asking for confirmation that it is absolutely fine for them to do whatever it is they're going to do anyway.

Your parents' 70th wedding anniversary has been in the calendar for seventy years. Did you not guess they might like to celebrate it? - and perhaps have "a bit of a do" that might involve people besides just yourself?

If you don't want to go, don't go. But don't expect your mother to be okay with it - it isn't okay.

Just a non judgmental statement, as others have mentioned, have a friend care for the puppy. Go visit for a few days or a week. Years ago I owned a house, 3 horses, 2 dogs & 4 cats. Finding someone to care for the pets made it extremely difficult to go anywhere but I managed. l also had a backup plan in case of an emergency. Sure, I made plenty of excuses for not going to family functions,etc. I hope you're able to figure out a solution. Best of luck

I would hate to miss my parents' 70th anniversary. However I would not board a puppy nor take it on a plane either. Could you possibly have someone come by to take care of the puppy at your home or theirs? It is unreasonable to ask your parents to travel to see you in the current travel conditions and at their age.

Maximus 1 I want to tell you I know what intentional guilt feels like when you are getting mix messages. All your responses are confused by our loved one's mental condition. You can no longer base your choices on their responses. You have to make a decision and pray for the best. it seems to me she really wanted you to come but she did not let you know. But if the truth be told it would be quite an inconvenience to you giving the things that you mention. I have a mom who is 85 years old, and I felt guilty all the time because she seems so sad as she is aging. What I am trying to say to you is your parents are getting older and their needs are changing. Do the very best you can, and make changes when and where you can.

Here's what you tell them:

"I understand your 70th anniversary is a milestone occasion that few people live to see and that you'd like to have your whole family together for such an auspicious occasion, but my puppy is more important to me than you are."

Seems like that's the gist of it, right? Since you'd never board your dog, we know he'll be your top priority longer than your parents will be alive, so you might as well tell them not to count on you from here on out.

Shame on you.

Edit
Would you be able to listen to a puppy barking in distress for more than 5 hours in the airport and on the plane? My parents are welcome to come to our home for a month! I would never board my dogs either and neither would they! I just wanted to know what to say to my parents.

Would you be able to listen to a puppy barking in distress for more than 5 hours in the airport and on the plane? My parents are welcome to come to our home for a month! I would never board my dogs either and neither would they! I just wanted to know what to say to my parents.

Your mother is entitled to sound sad that you're not going to be in attendance at her 70th wedding anniversary celebration. She's not 'making' you feel anything......you're choosing to feel guilty b/c mom is feeling sad, is what's really happening. Make up your mind to go or not go, but don't make mom the bad guy for feeling sad her daughter is not going to be there! She's not reading you the riot act, after all, or saying foul things to you, as many of our mother's here WOULD do! Be grateful for that, at least.

You can easily board the puppy and/or drive your car to her home or fly there. Own it if you choose not to. And if you feel guilty as a result, so be it. You can't have it both ways.

maximus1, as we get older, traveling isn't as easy as it use to be.

I found that my parents, who also were in their 90's, still viewed me as being 35 with a ton of energy, still traveling the world, yada, yada, yada. I just couldn't convince them that I, too, was a senior citizen. Those days of long travel was now history.

Don't use the puppy as an excuse, just tell your parents that traveling is difficult now a days. Covid is peeking around the corner again, masks will probably need to be required to fly, staff shortages, and rude angry passengers, not to mention very long lines, and flight delays. Plus shortages of rental cars.

Don't forget, what I listed above, your parents would face if they came to visit you.