At what point do you stop dancing around the word Alzheimer's?

You cannot convince someone with dementia that they have dementia. Don't waste your time and create an argument you will never win. Check elsewhere on this site for lots of good advice on alz and dementia.

The book "Learning to speak alzheimers" was very helpful in teaching me how to communicate with hubby. Very good insights into situations and helping me get the results I need.

You have a long and honest talk with her doctor. Keep a journal as to what is going on daily. It will help her doctor and even help you see what is actually happending. It could well be that no matter what you and her husband want, it just may be more than can be handled at home unless you have additional help. There are many threads on here and books that explain exactly what you are and will go through. You can search using the box in upper right hand of page.

Hopefully you did not give up a career and family to move back home. Best of luck.

Little made some good points. To what extent is husband willing or able to help? Would he be open to the idea of your mom going to a care facility? This is going to get worse as time goes on. You should begin checking out care options now.

I agree with above, you can't convince her, even if you told her it may upset her and she would forget it 2 minutes later. You can change the way you approach her; instead of 'help me with dinner' , ask her what she is cooking today and that you will help her, this way you can assist and supervise. This may not work but it's worth a shot. As for hair washing, tell her it's 'ladies' spa day, if you can do it once a week that's great, make her feel pampered. I know it's not easy but you do what you can, involve family when possible. Maybe it is time to look at a care facility. Speak with her doctor first, he/she may have some suggestions that can help. call your local chapter of the Alzheimer's association, they can give you tips on managing behaviors. Check out all your options now before she becomes worse. When/if the time comes to move her, it will be more difficult for you than for her. Good luck.

Thanks everyone great advice. I was finally lucky enough to get some counseling on this today. Yes I did leave a business in Panama but I was ready to leave and had been trying to get back to her for more than 3 yrs to help out. I actually want to get into the field of elder care and hospice work. Mom has her yearly assessment with the neurologist on april 10th and I am going to start that journal this week. I have tried the spa day idea that got me a scrunched up face and "nobody is touching my hair". Inside I laughed because I knew that was coming. My stepdad and I are it for her relatives. It has been a fight most of the day but like every day now its that way until after dinner she gets kind melancholy or weepy at times. I learned about Sundowning today and will pay more attention to that. She can't seem to remember when I came onto the scene in her life. I am so glad this forum is here. Its a great support system and I look forward to learning as much as I can to help get through this. Thanks again.

It actually wont hurt your mum not to wash her hair some people never do and the hair oils itself after a long time however if she lets you brush her hair she may let you massage her head when dry of courtse and you could massage in some dry shampoo...its not the best but may make you feel better. Iget in the shower with my mum (I stay fully clothed) and she doesnt have a chocie I apologise everytime I 'accidentaaly' get her hair wet but then say well now its wet I might as well wash it!!!! So far so good. I end up drenched but h*ll she is clean!

Oh the other bits soz I forgot them - My mother has memory problems Dementias (yes 3 of them) to you and I but I know she is terrified of the D word so it is never mentioned. Absolutely no point in you telling her as she wont remember. I let my mum clean if she wants to then I clean after her and do it properly. She did try to make a meal but luckily she hates cooking so she leaves that to me and is quite happy to. She irons all her clothes with a cold iron (dear lord I couldnt risk a hot one) we have a tumble drier so they dont need to be ironed but it keeps her happy well happier than plain miserably vile. I only let her wash up if I have used plastic plates which we dont normally use but I know she likes to feel she is helping and broken plates are a nightmare OMG those shards get everywhere. Mum is amazed now that the plates dont break when she drops them - hmm shocker that!!!!

Cracked hands : As long as she is prepared to help herself a little you could smear the inside of some surgical gloves with vaseline (petroleum jelly in US? Sorry not sure) and get her to wear them in bed they will soften quite soon if she does that but getting her to help herself could be a problem. When I have done this for myself I have put the gloves on smeared the outside of the gloves then turned them inside out as I take the gloves off and then put them back on with the gloves next to my skin - I hope that made sense...it did when I typed it

Picasso I was just reading over your first post when you said t the end of the day she is weepy and sorry. Is she more amenable at this point? If so go for everything you can get like let me wash your hair now right now this minute!. It's no accident that I say pick your battles but pick the time for them too....when my mum goes into that mode that is when I strive for everything I need her to do and I dont care if I am shatter and it is midnight ...if thats when she will let me do it let's blinking do it and cross it off the to do list.