Follow
Share

Lived at home all my life and have taken care of my mother everyday for the last 8 years when she started to show decline. She is still alive and walks and talks but is showing signs of dementia at 97. I will get 2/3 of the house and my brother 1/3. We don’t get along and I am afraid of him. He is aggressive and controlling. His girlfriend is even worse and I need a lawyer to discuss how I can figure out how to keep his girlfriend from coming to stay at the house like a snow bird in the Florida winter months. They are trying to make this a winter home so they can brag to their friends up north. They have their own home in Connecticut and a cabin in Maine and have plenty of money. I have no money because I have been ill my whole life and most of the money I saved went to medical bills until I got on disability. My mom is declining fast and I don’t know how much longe she will live. I am afraid of what’ might happen when my mom passes. We are extremely close but when my brother comes , she turns into dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde and I feel like SHE and my brother will harm me. I need to find a lawyer soon to see what my rights are. Please help. Thank you. My sister said I can have her 1/3rd of the house so that I never have to worry about not having somewhere to live. She is helpful but she has her own issues and life and doesn’t know what else to do. I was thinking of taking out a restraining order against the girlfriend but I don’t know if that’s something that could be done.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Some Elder Law attorneys are also well informed on real property law or they have multiple attorneys in the firm who can put their heads together to help provide advice. Smart idea to get legal advice, before you make decisions.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sugarboo, this is great that you are thinking about these issues now. Looks like there are a lot of things to consider as you think about what you'd like your future to look like.

You may want to reconsider the idea of staying in the house. Maintaining a house is expensive. Property taxes, homeowner's insurance, big repairs like replacing an old roof, everyday things like plumbing problems, etc. Just in the last 12 months at my dad's house he had to replace the water heater and garage door. In a year or so we will need to redo the roof and gutters. And on and on.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Oh my, you should understand that your brother can (and probably will) get a judge to order you pay him is 1/3. If you cannot, then you will have to sell it.

You won't be able to deny his right to 1/3... NOT 1/3 time living there...1/3 of the value of the house.

I would realize that fighting him with court and lawyers will leave you both bankrupt AND homeless.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

If you are declared disabled and are the caregiver, then the house cannot be taken from you by any government agency, but you will have to buy out your brother's share. Contact Legal Aid in your state, or an attorney who deals with disability to point you to a good attorney.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Polar - she’s not a squatter. She is a disabled with MS daughter that is companion & caregiver for her 97 yr oldmom, who is the owner of the home.

Red flag alert! Omg NO, No on seeking free legal aid imo!!!
I’d avoid free legal aid totally cause when a site visit is done they are going to likely have to do a immediate referral to APS as the situation looks totally sketch. Mid50’s non working MS disabled female caring for 97 yr old elder with dementia..... it’s not a good visual. If house looks unsafe, medications scattered, Sugar boo goes on even a bit of a rant about the out of state brother & his supposed witch girlfriend, APS is gonna pull someone out of the home. Like mom into the hospital for observation at a minimum. It then becomes a real clusterF. It doesn’t have to look all Grey Gardens for APS to yank mom out, they’d do an observation stay just as an abundance of caution. APS knows Mom has Medicare so a ER/hospital run totally covered. 

To me, Sugar Boo needs to find a disability rights atty that is her atty to come up with a workable plan for her future that also can work for her mom. Not free legal aid clinic.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Sugarboo - contact your local Legal Aid office. Helping poor people / tenants from being evicted is one of their specialties. They usually don't charge. Start there to get some advice about your rights as a squatter.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

What is in mom’s will for equal 1/3 asset division doesn’t matter till she dies.

If be more concerned about your ability to pay your own bills both now & in the future. It sounds like it is mom’s income that is keeping the household totally afloat. Is that right? That house has all sorts of costs which if you can’t afford now totally on your own then it doesn’t matter if you got your 1/3 and your Sisters 1/3 and even your brothers 1/3 after mom’s death as it will go up for tax sale. And you will be homeless. There is little recourse when a property is sold at tax sale.....sheriff dept evicts and puts up a Notice and contents thrown onto street.

It sounds like you could have a special needs Trust done for you and that you possibly could be considered a dependent of your mom’s.
What might be best is for mom to sell her home and use the proceeds to set up the majority of the house sale $ into the SNT for you (should she apply for Medicaid a SNT for a qualified child is ok). And you & mom rent an apt geared towards seniors. When she dies you have the SNT to live on till you are able to qualify for Medicare and regular SS as you are still pretty young at 54.

If you basically have no work history or fica quarters, you might be able to get onto mom’s SS as a disabled qualified dependent. This is speciality SS benefits type of work to figure out. I’d suggest you find an atty that does SS disability cases as the legal starting point to come up with a plan for your & your mom’s future.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

It’s not a matter of your brother being able to visit or use the house 1/3 of the year, he will own 1/3 of the home as per your mother’s wishes. There is nothing you can do to change that unless he is willing after your mother’s death to have you buy out his 1/3 share of the house for whatever is fair market value. If you don’t have the money to do that, he can force the sale of the home if he wants his money for his 1/3 share. Also, unless your sister has drawn up a formal legal document gifting you her third, then at this point those are only words. And I seriously doubt she can do that on property she doesn’t yet have any ownership of.
My parents set up a very similar will though I practically begged them not to. Today, my father is still living and upon his death I will be tasked with dividing everything be thirds. Not a task I look forward to as I also have uncooperative brothers.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Sugarboo, there may come a time where you Mom might need a higher skilled living environment, such as Assisted Living or a Nursing Home. If Mom can be self-pay for these facilities then the house won't be touched.

Now, once Mom starts to run out of money, she may need to apply for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] which will pay for your Mom's room, board, and care. In return, since Mom has a house, Medicaid could place a lien on the house so that they can be reimbursed. Since your Mom is 97, selling the house would require that ALL the equity be used for her care. Medicaid has a 5 year look back on a person's finances.

Unless Mom can still live at home and pay for professional caregivers to come in to give you a break in her care.

Getting older can be so darn complicated :(
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Your brother still owns 1/3 until you can come to some agreement; your mother (who is alive and loves her son) has stipulated that her son gets a third in her will (which is not yet even in effect).
I am not sure you can call the shots on your mother’s home as the will is not enforceable yet. Mother is still alive and well. All 3 siblings are to inherit a third but nothing is in writing yet, sounds like. Has your sister legally waived her third to you? I don’t think she can transfer something that isn’t yet hers to waive.  
Brother is not going away - in addition you may have to buy him out even with your sister giving you her third. He still has non disputed rights to your (mother’s) home. Plus your mother can live several more years. As for his girlfriend you may have to work through your dislike of her as well. Good thing they’re not married! If she has been with your brother along time chances are so will she. 
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Your sister set it up in *whose* will that her one third share in the house would go directly to you? In your mother's? Or in her own?

In either case, you need to look carefully at what terms in what document give you a right to occupy the property for life. If you do indeed have that right, then you probably also have the right to exclude other people. If you're assuming you will have that right because you own the majority share, or at least you own one third and your sister isn't arguing and together you have the majority share, then you will need to be careful. For example, you will need to make sure that your brother cannot, under the terms of the will or any other relevant instrument, force the sale of the house unless you are able to buy his share from him.

I am not aware of any legal remedy that can force one person to be polite and respectful to another person in a private home. You can't just despise this woman on your own initiative?
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Totally understand the desire to stay in the comfort of a family home. I’d contact a low cost attorney. Sometimes universities have low or no cost legal clinics. You’re smart to start figuring this out now rather than waiting to deal with it while you’re grieving. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

If he so much as touches you, you can call the police for assault and battery and file a restraining order for him not to come within 300 feet of you.
Also call police if he threatens you. Any aggression should be on the record.

Try to see if you can qualify for a low cost attorney due to your disabilities.
Go to the Senior Center in your town. They will have elder attorneys who works for much less than a regular lawyer. Since you are living with your mom, you could qualify using them.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Cmagnum:
My sister is giving me her third of the house so that I will own the majority of it and she set it up in the will that she is giving it to me so I have a place to live for the rest of my life. But for now, I guess that if nothing changes, my brother can come stay here for 1/3rd if the year? Or maybe when ever he wants? I think I would be ok with just him, but to have him AND his girlfriend is too much. She has no manners and is extremely condescending and insults me AND my mom when ever she was here. She has no compassion and is greedy and glutinous as they come. For me, I just need courtesy and a little peace and quiet. When she comes here, she acts like SHE is the owner of the house and that “I” the caretaker Who does everything , is just a guest. She even told my brother that she refuses to be respectful to me. It’s weird. But I guess I understand because she can’t posdibly know my disabilities and challenges and expects me to conduct my life like a super healthy person with no health challenges. So it’s very difficult to be around her. She is not considerate at all and acts like what’s mine is hers and she can do what she wants with what’s mine. The only thing I don’t pay for is rent, but as any care giver will tell you, I earn my keep times 1000! The fact that she told my brother that she refuses to be respectful towards me and treat me like a normal person, tells me a lot about what kind of person she is. And it doesn’t make sense because I have always been kind and polite and probably TOO nice to her. I’ve always treated her the way anyone would want to be treated. It so sad to me because although my brother and I don’t get along, i always prayed that as we got older , he would meet a nice girl that would make him a better person. Unfortunately she has corrupted him and made him worse. I loved ever other girlfriend he ever had and am still friends with almost every one of them. I just can’t figure out why she would treat me so bad except that if my brother told her things about me that are not true or made me look like I was lying about all my health challenges. By the way, I’m attractive and most people would not know that I have any. But just like people with MS OR OTHER DISEASES, sometimes you can’t see what is wrong from the way a person looks. She obviously is extremely judgmental. I wish so much it was different.
But there is still the fact that my brother becomes very aggressive and I’m afraid to be around him when by myself.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks, but don't you still have to deal with your brother getting 1/3 of the house?
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Cmagnum, thank yo for your reply. The house will not be sold. It is a stipulation in my sister giving me her 1/3rd of the house. That way I will always have a place to live. I have a wonderful sister. She’s an angel really. I realize I need to just go see any lawyer at first and then that lawyer can suggest the right type of lawyer to see. There is a lot more background information that no one knows , that would make it difficult for any stranger to give me advice that would be all encompassing, unless they knew the dynamics of what is going on with the whole family. But thank you so much for the kind words. ❤️
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm sorry your mother split up the house as she did. I'm not sure that squatters rights still exist like they did in the days of the west. The only way out as I see it would be to buy your brother's third. Anyhow, to split a house up like that sounds to me like it will have to be sold with 2/3rds of the profit going to you and 1/3rd going to your bother. Your bother's girlfriend has no claim on the house because she's only a girlfriend and your mother is still alive. I think that I would still see a lawyer.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

As plans go, that's a daft one. Even assuming you can delay being evicted for months or years, how will you pay for the utilities and maintenance and taxes? And how much will you rack up in legal fees? Squat in that house and you will be fighting your brother for years until you end up broke, wrung out and homeless. If what you want is to be rid of them you couldn't come up with a worse idea.

When the time comes, sell the house, divide the proceeds according to your mother's instructions, and then you need never again have anything to do with your brother or his girlfriend unless you want to. Registered as a person with disabilities, too, you should be entitled to good advice and support that will help you set up independently and start a whole new chapter in your life - totally brother-free.

Seriously, don't waste your time and energy on a campaign that can't succeed for you.

Have the two of them just recently been getting on your nerves or something?
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter