Though very kind and generous in many ways before his dementia became severe, he now insists that his retirement money that is directly deposited in Our joint account is just his to use as he pleases. We are in dire credit card debt due to his inability, it's to keep from buying things like a truck, two large screen tv's, a move and buying a new house in another state, which had a payment far higher than we could afford, all the while we continued to lose money in the stock market. He would simply not listen to me. He had been doing work as a handy man and had earned enough for the down payment and I had hoped that I would be able to cut back on my hours at work, but though he'd been retired for several years, I continued to have to work full time in order to pay the bills. We eventually had to short sell the house, returned to CA and then tried to dig out from under.
He would max out one credit card, then get a new one at a lower interest rate to pay that one off and proceed to do the same thing all over again. We finally came to an understanding, but it was pretty much too late to save our savings. So now I am trying to pay off credit card debt with a very good counseling service. But it requires a large payment every month, though the cards are on much lower interest rates. So far I have paid off three cards. But the point is that he is constantly finding things that he wants to spend "his" money on, talks about moving in with his son or daughter and taking his money with him so that he can get his license back and buy a car. He hounds me constantly about seeing the bank statements, peruses them for hours, asking the same questions over and over, like "what's "Rx?". This is his prescriptions. Or "who drinks this?" -milk I bought at the pharmacy. "What does solar mean?" I try to make notations on things without descriptions. Needless to say, with his dementia, he does not understand or remember what I explain-but he won't let it go.
We recently sold our home in order to be able to have enough money as we live in an HOA community. I invoked the POA after discussing our situation with his kids and they agreed that this was the right thing to do -to simplify our lives. So the sale was handled solely by me and I am managing the funds received by putting them in a credit union savings. It was not much as our home is very tiny and we had only three years of equity. The house turned out to be a huge money pit, thereby taking every extra cent we could save, and I am glad to be rid of it. And now he of course thinks I just steal his money. OMG! So sorry about all of that! I guess I just needed to vent. But is has been a struggle to keep our heads above water.