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Caring for Mom who was just released from hospital. Was mobile, verbal and mostly self-sufficient before hospital stay (several weeks ago). Took her to ER with belly pain. Ended up having emergency surgery during which a malignant mass was found. Stage 3 colon cancer. Mom doesn't know. She's 87 and we're not telling her due to her current mental status. Dr thinks he got it all and sees no signs of metastases.


Post surgery she is non-verbal (tries to speak but barely anything intelligible comes out), grossly incontinent, on a G tube and only moves her head and arms. She had 2 small bleeds either during or immediately post surgery and they didn't know it until I saw her 18hrs after surgery & told them that something was drastically wrong.


Rehab is not an option due to covid restrictions (severely limited visitation, no PT, etc.). Mom can't communicate & would think that she'd been abandoned. We brought her home. The hospital did nothing to prepare us (my brother also lives with us) for this other than getting the VNA involved. We had no idea of what her true physical condition was, what supplies we would need, that we would get no sleep, etc.


Mom's been home for 2 days. She has angry diaper rash, I suspect also candida, and 2 bed sores at the base of her spine. The hospital told us nothing about this and Mom's in a great deal of pain from it.


The diapers they supplied are horrid. I'm going to buy some pads for increased wicking but I've been searching for hours and find myself unable to judge what diaper to buy. I change her frequently so my main concern is comfort. Mom was not deemed 'hospice' but I don't think that she's going to improve or last long. I desperately want her to be comfortable during this time. Any pointers will be hugely appreciated. (sorry for the long ramble)

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Check the websites of a few different brands and suppliers, often they will send samples.
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Tranquility Premium overnight are the thickest so far that I've found. I'm still trying different ones.
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I strongly suggest that you contact Hospice. You will get supplies and equipment that will help you out. And you will get help a Nurse will come in and monitor her vitals, a CNA or Home Health Aid will come in and help with changing the bed, bathing mom and ordering supplies. Some Hospice are now allowing Volunteers back into homes as long as the volunteer and the family pass the health quiz and temperature. (Masks required and that may be difficult when working with people with any form of dementia)
I tried several types for my Husband and there were always times when he leaked (flooded is more like it)! What helps the most is a good under pad. I found a great one on the Costco website the brand is "Conni" think it is an Australian company. Each pad absorbs over 80 fluid ounces. (washable and good size)
there are companies that have all sorts of brands that they ship to your home (I am sure someone will provide names) but call and ask for samples before you buy cases of them.
If you find you like Depends Costco several times a year will put them on "coupon" and cut the price by about $8.00.
By the way the incontinent supplies I got from Hospice were at no charge so if I changed them a bit more often it was no big deal. I would change him every 2 hours. If he was not wet just re positioning him would often get the bladder to empty within the next 15 minutes or so.

By the way with the bed sores she should have a wound nurse assigned. Hospice is great with wounds and will send a nurse that is trained in the care of wounds.
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TwoOfSix Jul 2020
Thank you for the detailed reply. I'm not Mom's proxy so I don't get to make decisions. Her proxy believes that she will improve so I think that he will flatly reject hospice care. VNA has been here several times & requesting that a wound care nurse come by. As for Depends, Mom needs diapers, not underpants style protection. The latter is to difficult to get on her. As it is, rolling her is very painful for to past disk surgery. Raising her legs is torture for her.
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My sister could not be moved without tremendous pain, so we just used chux and changed them as needed.

They were a bit more work for us but a whole lot more comfortable for her.

We used washable covered with high absorbency disposal ones. Two people could just pull them up underneath her and she didn't have to be handled at all.

Hospice means that you have a terminal illness but you can get better and go off hospice. Please do some research about what it looks like and then encourage the POA to read up on how it could benefit your mom and her quality of life. They provide meds that some believe kill their loved ones, but you DO NOT have to give them the medication. You are in complete and total control. They are there to provide comfort care and support for everyone. I really recommend checking it out.
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Treetree Aug 2020
My mom had hospice help for a long time and it was so helpful. The workers were wonderful. See if you can get this help for your mom. I'm sorry for your situation. I will say some prayers.
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TwoOfSix
When you roll her roll her using the draw sheet and gather and grab the sheet at her shoulder and hip and gently pull using the sheet. It will apply even pressure along her back and eliminate any pressure from holding her at the shoulder and or hip.
She can still go on Hospice, if she improves then she will "graduate" from Hospice. But while she is on you can get a lot of help, support, equipment and supplies. If after a while the POA decides that we wants to withdraw her from Hospice he can at any time.
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I recently ordered Tena Overnight Disposable Pull-ups for my mother. She sometimes has accidents when she sleeps for many hours. She says they are comfortable and we have only had one "leak" so far. I also put a cloth quilted pad under the sheet and a disposable pad for her to sleep on which goes on top of the fitted sheet. I order from a site called LLMedico.com. The first order I placed with them arrived the very next day! I used to order from HPFY.com, but their stock of products seems to have decreased lately. You can also order samples of different styles of undergarments from LL Medico.
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I use Tena Overnight Disposible Pull ups for my 101 year old mother. I used buy Depends but they always leaked overnight. Tena so far have not. I also use an incontence bed pad underneath her. It is absorbent on the top but slippery and waterproof on the bottom. On the bottom there are straps that you can use to pull her and position her correctly in bed.
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My mom has been on hospice for a year this month. She will be 100 in October. Hospice has supplied her everything...bed, side table, potty, walker, wheelchair, bathing tub chair, meds, creams, diapers, pullups, boost. Patients get evaluated every two months to see if they can stay on. Nurse comes to your home also and aide to bathe if you want. Been a blessing to me.
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