What if we go first?

Gee thanks Dad, I'm so glad to know you won't be worried that I DIED, just that your MAIL and finances won't be tended to.

How about you get dad placed NOW in AL so all his 'worries' about you going first can be put to rest, knowing others will be there to take care of him?

Your dad should be concerned about your health if you are dealing with your own issues.

Please take care of yourself.

Look into resources for your dad, perhaps speak to his doctor or a hospital social worker for suggestions.

Then start to make plans for caring for your own needs.

Best wishes to you and your father.

Me "going first" was a thought I had while I was caring for my Husband.
I set up a "Special Needs Trust" so that my assets would or could only be used for his care. (I know he would have been placed in a MC facility as there is no way family (s-daughter) would have been able to care for him at home she works and has her own family to consider. and s-son lives out of state)
A Geriatric Care manager would be able to much of what you are looking to have done. But your GCM should have someone to report to I would hope that someone would be your dad's POA.

I would contact a trained Licensed Financial Fiduciary. They are appointed by the courts when there is no family to manage the funds and the care and placement of elders. Your attorney, or an elder law attorney in your area will know how to guide you in finding one as they are often in court SEEKING one. I sure wish you both the same. You are correct to wonder because this does happen.

A reasonable question. My moms 89 …me 72… my only sibling 70 yr old is in poorer general heath then mom {Lewy}. We will set up my only child to take over if one of us die before mom…..I expect my mom may live to 100. It is reasonable to think an 80 yr old child could die first.. people in good health …now outlive their brains.

Maybe I am becoming old & selfish with my attitude already 😁...
New plan: to outlive them all.

Check out geriatric care managers. AARP has some good articles on their website.

Did you ask him who is going to take care of you with your terrible bloodwork? Does he even know you are having health issues? Just curious what he says about that or is it all about him?

Don’t wait another day to get a lawyer. I just went through this very same scenario and what you don’t/I didn’t know is a lot. Forget the opinions offered here—this needs an expert.

If you go first, have a plan in place that is doccumented by an attorney regarding care.

For handling his daily mail, have a trusted friend or relative do that. They can sort bills, junk, and personal items. The bills should be delivered weekly to an accountant.

If you have an accountant that you use for taxes, consider giving him/her financial POA to manage monthly bills. This will also make doing your taxes easier, since they will then already have a spreadsheet of all expenditures.

A quarterly report can be mailed to the friend/family member by the accountant so that they will be able to ensure that everything is accurate.