My father has been in a nursing home for about three weeks.. The first week and so there was no issue. He was mad that I had to put him in there I can tell but overall there was no problems. He was doing everything he was supposed to. I visit him twice a week, bring him things, take him out etc.. Well I had got him for the Thanksgiving and I just found out a couple days ago that my father is refusing to shower.. Every since I had brought him back after Thanksgiving he hasn’t showered. The other residents are complaining that he stinks.. He tried to fight the male nurse for trying to get him in the shower. When my father lived with me when he didn’t get his way he would take feces and put it on my wall and floor. He would give me such a hard time. I feel like he’s having another one of his episodes and that’s why he’s refusing to shower.. He came in my house saw that his room was no longer there and shook his head and was mad. I have conservator over him.. Will they put him out for not showering or what will happen? I know he’s trying to cause problems because he thinks that will get him put back in my house. Now I gotta go down there around bath time to try to assist them with giving him a bath. My only issue is I feel like if I gotta go down there every bath time my father will purposely keep doing that and refuse to shower. I don’t know if I just need to step back from visiting him or what..
Mr. Jones, time for a shower. Mr Js response is No.
Mr. Jones won't u feel so much better if u have a shower and and put on clean clothes.
Mr. J, I guess.
Then lets go get that shower. Mr. J, OK.
The one thing that always bothered me with staff was they asked "Would u like to get a bath" of course they said No. I suggested "its time to get a bath" When the aides had a problem with Mom, they said "your daughter said u need to do this" it worked. I also told the aides it was OK to make me the bad guy.
Like children, difficult patients need to be given statements of fact, not questions.
Unfortunately my mother was a spoiled, difficult, self centered person before the dementia .....and now is a total nightmare with the dementia.
The"don't you feel better now?", will not work with her.
Getting him checked for a UTI was also a good idea mentioned.
DO NOT bring your father back home not even for a visit . Doing so will only make his behavior more difficult to handle at the nursing home.
There comes a time when we have to realize that loving our parent's doesn't mean not loving ourselves. Loving our parent's means being sure they are taken care of but not at the expense of losing our own lives in the process.
I wonder if you can share the name of the nursing home you've placed him in and the cost? I'm looking for an affordable one for my mother. Anyone else reading this please feel free to share.
Thanks and take care of yourself !
for your Father, Patients and Staff. If your Father persists in being difficult with the Staff then the Nursing Home will ask to have Him removed.
I can see from your info that you are only 32 years and far too young to have to deal with all of this, hence your Dad is in His early to mid 60's. You have a long road before you.
Good luck Charetoomuch8
My mother is in advanced and progressive dementia and often refuses to shower. She says it is too much bother, but staff discovered it was the whole process of using lifts to get her to the bathroom, especially the sling lift which bothered her. Time of day also plays a part. Mother is in a sleep pattern of being up all night and sleeping well past lunchtime. The staff will bathe her the moment she agrees, not a half hour later when she changes her mind or forgets she agreed. They obviously succeed because she is always clean and does not smell.
Although logic does not work with dementia patients at her advanced stage, the staff can sometimes get her co operation by saying Matron will be doing rounds soon and they will be in trouble if she is not clean. Mother was a nurse back in the day when matrons were to be feared!
Hope this response gives you some ideas.
I am wondering if this fear of water explains why some patients refuse to drink water despite their thirst. It might explain why patients in my mothers memory care unit are offered, among other drinks, a weak coloured cordial. I thought that strange given they are also offered fruit juice, alcohol, tea coffee milk, milo etc. Whereas in the dining rooms in other areas all have a caraffe of plain water at their tables in addition to other drinks.
Perhaps to solve this problem is NEVER TO MOVE BACK WITH YOU, but to bathe in stages (similar to bed baths) IF THAT'S THE ONLY RECOURSE.
3 reasons I can think of to not bathe - control/manipulation, feeling cold when bathing, and feeling uncomfortable disrobing in front of another peson.
I wouldn't go down there to help him shower,I would tell the facility to do whatever it takes to get his stinky self cleaned.
Manipulation is an ugly thing.