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Wow, guys, I just had a real scare and it ain't over yet!

I got sick with a virus that had me on antibiotics for three weeks and so tired that I could hardly move. At the same time, I strained my knee so badly that I have been limping in pain for a month--just went to the doc for that yesterday and will,hopefully, be on the mend.

Here is the thing: I got up close and personal with my role as a caregiver and what it means if I have limitations. OMG, was that scary. Remember (if you have read my posts before) that my husband does not drive but has never made the decision not to drive. His driving is FRIGHTENING in the extreme. But when I was sick, it meant that i had to leave the house to go to appointments, pharmacy, etc. I was so sick. One day I spent the whole day on the couch--not like me. At the same time my husband got worse, much worse, twice to ER, mopping up blood, pills, pain, etc. (sorry if you are eating breakfast). Yesterday the poor man, sick in bed, wanted a glass of juice (downstairs) and when I brought it up (in great pain from my knee), he wanted two pills (also downstairs). I thought for a minute that I was going to cry. At the same time, I don't want to make him feel guilty.

During these past weeks I realized that his whole operation depends completely on me. Anything that is going to happen, from washing dishes and cooking to getting to appointments and calling the oxygen machine repair man, dealing with the lawn guy--EVERYTHING depends on me.

Somehow I had not really grasped this before. His has been a gradual letting go of responsibilities. Now, all at once, he has let go big time and, for the first time, I see what that means when I am not functioning at 100%. In a word, it was h*ll. Just making meals was such a drag. And my husband who used to cook sometimes, now does't even clear his dish from the table.

Fortunately, his son is coming to stay with him for a few days so I can take my grandkids on a little vacation. It is awful to say, but my life with my grankids is so much easier than with my husband. I long for these bits of respite.

Anybody else?

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P.S. My Mom is understanding about my injury but she keeps hinting about trying yet another new hearing aid place, and those doctor appointments I had to cancel last and this month. Couple weeks ago my Dad called me and asked if I could go over to Home Depot to pick up a 20 lb bag of fertilizer... HELLO?

My sig other is busy taking me to x-rays and to the orthopedic doctor, and running my errands, he doesn't have free time to help my parents.

Wait a minute, how come my parents don't have a back up plan???
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Well I can relate it's difficult being the only care giver and all of the house responsibility falls on you inside and out! I had a total knee replacement Thank God I listened to my son to have it did before his deployment praying that everyone gets the much needed support!
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It may be time for you to consider some changes. House with no stairs, maybe some respite care for husband so you can have a break. Is mom stil in AL?
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I moved to a house 1 block away from our doctor's office and the local hospital in part because I figured if I was ever incapacitated or I reached a point where I couldn't handle it anymore my mom would have to go to the hospital until we could make other arrangements. I didn't take into consideration what I would do if I was sick, but not sick enough to have to carry out my back up plan. A few weeks ago I was hit with a nasty stomach bug, I could barely crawl out of bed yet my mom was depending on me to feed her, toilet her, reassure her. We survived, but it was certainly extra stress I didn't need right then! I still haven't found a solution to that, although I guess if I really needed her to my sis would step up and figure it out. (I hope so, anyway)
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Yours is the dilemma of every caregiver. And every caregiver should have a backup plan. Those plans need to be made well in advance of burnout.

My advice to you is to have a wonderful trip with your grandkids! And, as soon as you get home, to investigate options for the future with your local Council on Aging. Their social workers will answer your questions and help you wade thru the complex decisions you are almost guaranteed to have to make in the future.
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Remember I said it ain't over yet?

Well, the day before yesterday we spent the day in the hospital for my husband. Then yesterday I was carrying a box of wooden locks down to the den for my grandkids and --wham--something behind my knee popped . I screamed and screamed and could not put any weight on my leg. Was on couch for rest of day with company coming. Will go to hospital today. Getting through yesterday (with company, lunch for eight) was a nightmare. I actually saw, and so did my husband, what I actually do around here.

Please keep me in your prayers. I have 2 children here who want to have fun with Nanny.
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And, YES, I need a back up plan and am grateful for the wake up call!
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Salisbury, in the business-world if an employee isn't able to do something another employee steps up to help.

So many fail to realize in the home-world if the wife/husband/sig other is out of commission, there isn't another wife/husband/sig other to step in to help. What is left is a spouse/sig other or teen children who don't know how the washing machine works, can't identify the appliances in the kitchen, or can't figure out how to get the fitted sheet to go on the bed.

Thank goodness the younger generation is cross-trained :)

In the mean time we limp along with shooting pain, while the rest of family wonder why we are so grumpy :P
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When we were getting ready to leave town for a couple of weeks, I found an organization that provides in-home health services to help my two friends with dementia and over whom I have the POA for their health care and finances. It was a great move. They were well cared for until we got back and when the wife suddenly became incontinent and started to wander, the agency could provide 24 hour care until I could get them into an assisted living-memory care unit about 2 months later. There was only so much time I could give to these friends so outside help was essential. And, they provided knowledgeable care and could do things with the wife that was beyond what I should be doing as a male friend of theirs. The reality of their needing more help than I could provide finally sunk in, and once I saw all the help such an agency could provide, it was a huge load off of my shoulders. It was not cheap to do, but my friends had enough cash assets to pay for this and using their money for their care made it seem o.k. for me to authorize the extra help. There are no children or close relatives to help. A cousin from Illinois is 2nd power of attorney and I keep her informed via emails of how they are doing and she sometimes drives up to Minnesota for a weekend to visit and see how they are doing. She is a nurse professor and her medical background helps in evaluating their situation. Find an in-home care agency near you or ask around to find out what others have done. It doesn't have to be all on you! Call adult protective care for advice. They can suggest other possible solutions.
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Hi, just touching bases again. Thank you everyone for excellent advice. I am still in shock and awe. won't know what is really up until tomorrow afternoon. But, truly, knowing there are people out there who understand is a huge, huge help.
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