Wow, guys, I just had a real scare and it ain't over yet!
I got sick with a virus that had me on antibiotics for three weeks and so tired that I could hardly move. At the same time, I strained my knee so badly that I have been limping in pain for a month--just went to the doc for that yesterday and will,hopefully, be on the mend.
Here is the thing: I got up close and personal with my role as a caregiver and what it means if I have limitations. OMG, was that scary. Remember (if you have read my posts before) that my husband does not drive but has never made the decision not to drive. His driving is FRIGHTENING in the extreme. But when I was sick, it meant that i had to leave the house to go to appointments, pharmacy, etc. I was so sick. One day I spent the whole day on the couch--not like me. At the same time my husband got worse, much worse, twice to ER, mopping up blood, pills, pain, etc. (sorry if you are eating breakfast). Yesterday the poor man, sick in bed, wanted a glass of juice (downstairs) and when I brought it up (in great pain from my knee), he wanted two pills (also downstairs). I thought for a minute that I was going to cry. At the same time, I don't want to make him feel guilty.
During these past weeks I realized that his whole operation depends completely on me. Anything that is going to happen, from washing dishes and cooking to getting to appointments and calling the oxygen machine repair man, dealing with the lawn guy--EVERYTHING depends on me.
Somehow I had not really grasped this before. His has been a gradual letting go of responsibilities. Now, all at once, he has let go big time and, for the first time, I see what that means when I am not functioning at 100%. In a word, it was h*ll. Just making meals was such a drag. And my husband who used to cook sometimes, now does't even clear his dish from the table.
Fortunately, his son is coming to stay with him for a few days so I can take my grandkids on a little vacation. It is awful to say, but my life with my grankids is so much easier than with my husband. I long for these bits of respite.