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His transfers off of the shower bench cause anxiety and some foot pain.

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As like others have posted, finding out what is causing his foot pain needs to be addressed. But until then I would just use the extra large body wipes to clean him, and the waterless shampoo and conditioner caps for his hair. Both work great and you can order them on either Walmart.com or Amazon. And you can use both on someone even if they're completely bedridden.
Good luck.
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hey virginia
i would get the foot pain checked first. Does he have the pain on standing generally? How big is the shower? Would a chair offer more support in helping him stand?
I went through this with my dad for two years, We would have big arguments about it; I regret that so much. He had a shower chair refused to use it. Dad ended up in rehab after a fall, and refused showers most of the time when he was in there, but he got blanket baths. When he came out, OT said shower wasn’t great - too small and no moveable head - I hadn’t even considered this. So we stuck with blanket baths done by his carer which worked, (he’s currently in respite and they are doing the same thing). His carer knew little tricks to get him to change his clothes get him washed and was wonderful. In this instance in home help completely turned the situation around.
I have also watched Teepa’s videos and I have learnt so much already.
good luck with it
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What's causing DH (DH=Dear Husband) foot pain when he transfers off of the shower bench? That has to be addressed and remedied or he'll continue to refuse to shower! That's your #1 goal, and your #2 goal is to figure out what's causing him anxiety with the transfer? Is he afraid he's going to fall? Are you experienced enough to help him shower? Your profile says you cut your work hours in half to save money on in home help. Saving $$ should never be your only goal, especially when your husband is dealing with the after effects of a stroke and is now having anxiety with showers. Hiring in home experienced caregivers can be worth its weight in GOLD sometimes.

Watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube; she is an expert on dementia and how to instill trust in a person suffering from it so they will allow you to help them bathe and dress and groom themselves. Although your DH is not necessarily suffering from 'dementia', per se, he's had a stroke and may be suffering some dementia-LIKE symptoms as a result. Her videos will teach you the hand-under-hand technique to use which is VERY helpful and may ease DHs anxiety getting in & out of the shower. Your stance, tone of voice and confidence is also important in making him feel safe in the shower. And, figuring out why he's anxiety ridden so you can eliminate his fears is the vital thing to do.

If necessary, hire a male aide to help DH with showers 1-2x a week which is sufficient.

My mother, I figured out, was petrified to get into her shower b/c she felt it was slippery. So I bought her water shoes which solved the problem immediately.

Wishing you the best of luck getting to the bottom of why DH is anxiety ridden in the shower.
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If changing how he enters and exits the shower doesn't solve the issue, then you might need to consider having a male aid come in to help him. Sometimes a 3rd party who he is not familiar with makes him more cooperative. This has been our family's experience. Make sure the aid is experienced.
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Is the bench a single one in the shower or an over tub one that the bench is on the outside of the tub and you push them into the tub?

I would find out what is causing the foot pain. There are PC pipe chairs that can be pushed into the shower and out. There are products for sponge baths. Maybe give him an anxiety med before showering. 2x/3x a week is enough with a spong bath in between.

There will be others that will respond.
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