What do you do when you feel the person you are caring for is driving you out of your mind?

I still would have him retested, Julie. It takes a few days for the results to come back. Culture and sensitivities need to be done to determine the best antibiotic to use. If the doctor got back to you as soon as you dropped off the urine specimen he probably just did a dip stick. I would call and find out if further testing was done and tell him he still has symptoms. I have been dealing with my moms UTI's for years and it is not pleasant to say the least. Personality changes, irritableness, loss of appetite, poor fluid intact, nausea and vomiting and bladder pain. UTI's can lead to sepsis if not treated promptly.

Julie, who is sending the carers for a 30-minute call and what does it say in their care plan? I'm not clear what they're supposed to be doing to help.

I think you're living on the South Coast, aren't you? - have I got that right? I remember your posting quite some time back.

Wow, your profile says that you are in England to care for your dad. Your husband is in Turkey. That alone is heartbreaking.

Your dad needs 24/7 care. You are exhausted! How long do you feel that you can maintain this situation. Obviously, you feel responsible for your dad and care deeply but it does seem to be a burden for you. It’s a huge responsibility to care for an elderly parent.

Many of us on this forum are currently caregivers or have cared for our family members that are now deceased.

Have you discussed this situation with your father? Is he willing to enter a care home? Or at least hire more help at his home so you can rest?

How does your husband feel about this situation? You must miss each other terribly.

I am so sorry that you are struggling with this situation. I hope that you find a viable solution soon. Wishing you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life.

A 30 minute break is obviously not enough. You need more than that. I'm not sure how things are in England, but if nursing homes there offer respite care stays you should put him in a facility for 2 weeks and go see your family.

How is he waking you up in the night?

Have you asked him to stop with the constant moaning? Yikes. That'd drive me batty! Put on some ear phones and have nice music playing to drown out some of the excess noise but low enough you can hear things you should hear.

Can you put some distance between the two of you in the home so you can't hear him belly aching all day?

Is he on pain and not being properly medicated for it or is the moaning just a bad habit?

I would advice placing him in decent facility. It seems caring for him is too much for you and you are getting stressed out. Your dad needs more professional care. He is at risk for decubitus ulcers if not already due to him sitting all day, pain , inflammation and breakout. He must be in lots of pain moaning off and on. I would suggest do this as soon as possible for the benefit of your father. Call his doctor and explain his situation.

Hi Julie,
I would get him retested. On occasion doctors may give an antibiotic without waiting for the results but usually is rare these days.

Hi Julie,
So glad he is doing better. I usually get my mom retested after a round of antibiotics 7 days after finishing antibiotics. We try to keep on top of things.

Have you already been to this website? -

https://www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/adult-social-care/care-and-support-adults/support-carers

Have you at least had a carer's assessment?

Great. 20% off bus travel that you can't use 'cos you can't go out. Which is kind of the point.

When they did the reassessment, did they speak to both of you or only to him?

"Risk of carer breakdown" is one factor which appears on our round information as a reason for our visiting clients, and I happen to know that your NHS Trust and your local authority do have crisis support teams (because they're currently advertising the same job that I do in a different county). Demand is high and resources are scarce, but when did you last have any contact with anyone in adult social care? - because it's reasonable for you to push for more respite hours or a respite break, and it's reasonable to keep asking. What do they actually do in that half hour visit at the moment?

One caveat, though - things are bedlam out there, even very dependent families are being let down to the extent that I just don't understand what is going on. People are leaving our service, but they're also leaving a lot of the private providers locally; and if the agencies and the local authorities simply don't have the workforce then they can't send the carers. It's all going a bit pear-shaped.

Have you joined CarersUK? They'll certainly have a support group in your area.

PS Are the District Nurses visiting to check his skin?

Thanks for your reply.
At the moment there is not much I can do to make things easier. I cannot go back to Turkey right now anyway. My husband understands the situation but of course it’s difficult. He isn’t as isolated as me and he always says ‘he’s your Dad, you have to keep going.’ Although I realise that, nobody really understands what it is like to be around someone almost 24/7. Yes, I can get out for a few hours but I always have him at the back of my mind ( ie Did he drink/eat anything etc?) At the moment with a UTI he should be drinking a lot more to flush the infection away but I am constantly like the bad cop reminding him to drink more water, tea, anything!!!