What do you do when the state regulations won’t let you go to memory care with Foley catheter?

I'd avoid changing anything. Your father's had a lot to cope with over the last couple of weeks and it really would be best to let him settle down properly.

You can add "for now" to that in your mother's hearing so that she doesn't feel she's being forced to imprison him forever. It's not a lie, and you never know.

What do you all think about the urologist's suggestion? Did s/he go on to explain how your father's continence care might be handled without the catheter, in view of his dementia?

Another advantage of leaving things alone is that it gives your mother a chance to adjust to a new routine where she sees your father every day - all day if she likes - but she also gets properly taken care of herself and doesn't have the stress of being his primary caregiver. Persuade her to give it a while and see, I should.

I know this is breaking your heart. Maybe look at it this way. You’re on a diet. Someone puts a big, juicy burger with all the fixings in front of you. You reach for it and then they snatch it away. This is pretty much what taking your Dad to the apartment would be like. He won’t understand and it will increase your stress and upset.

Its difficult, but try to keep him where he is. When you have your care meetjng, share your concerns about the catheter then.

I don’t understand the type of catheter. Most that I’m familiar with can be removed in the same way that they can be changed.

Once removed, he could simply wear adult diapers and live with your mom.

That reg against catheters sounds like it was written by a Nursing Home Lobby! How ridiculous to make people spend that much money every month for unnecessary nursing care!

Can't a nurse be paid to make regular visits to manage the catheter? That would be a whole lot cheaper than placement in a SNF.

When my dad had a urinary catheter last summer - 1st time in his life at almost 90 yrs old, it became infected and he developed MRSA - became severely septic and he then died since infection went to his heart. When he was in the hospital(prior to infection), the dr mentioned the OPERATION....I was excited about it because I didn't want dad to be with a permanent catheter due to infection risk, etc.....can you look into the surgery?

I don’t really have an answer but I am curious to know what kind of an operation you are speaking of to remove a Foley catheter. My mom has had an in dwelling catheter since 2011 that is changed monthly by simply deflating the saline water filled balloon and replacing the catheter. Even with a supera pubic catheter placed in the bladder and not through the urethra it is an easy deflation to remove. I have never heard of an operation to remove a urinary catheter.

Although not familiar with catheters, I do know that most AL and AL/MC facilities are not staffed by nurses (yes, there are nurses, but not for each patient, just for overseeing medication and/or medical issues.) This being a regulation in many states, the likelihood of finding one that can accommodate dad is slim. One MC place we looked into had said this would be her "home" to the end, so assumption is they would have been able to take care of issues like this.

His blockage and stay at the hospital has likely contributed to making the dementia worse, at least for a while. Some people return to the level they were at prior to this, but not all. As for the surgical intervention, you also have to consider that ANY surgery can lead to more potential memory losses. Again, sometimes people can recover some of that, but it can take months and sometimes is never recovered. I would most certainly give him some time (may take months) to see if he "recovers" any from that incident and then carefully weigh any information from the surgeon AND how surgery/anesthesia might impact him again. It doesn't sound like having the surgery would remove the catheter completely, so if he would still have to remain in a NH, I would NOT do this, unless it can improve his well-being.

Nursing homes generally have way more skilled nurses, as the residents would be those who required skilled nursing. Although it would be great if mom and dad could reside together, at the least they are in the same facility and mom can visit when she wants.

While it is sad to see dad packing his things and wanting to "go home", this is so common among people with dementia. Mom did that often when she moved in. About the best you can hope for is finding various fibs when mom or you have to leave him behind, such as Oh I have a doctor/dentist/other appointment, I'll be back later to help you move and hopefully he forgets. Mom will need to learn how to "fib" effectively as well (bathroom trips might work.) Hopefully she is still of sound mind and can learn how to redirect and refocus him onto other topics. Moving them both might also be counter-productive (moving can impact dementia patients) and "home" may not be where mom currently lives either! So all this might just require all of you to adjust to the new "norm."

I would talk to Medicaid. Dad may never leave the skilled nursing so this will be a big drain on finances that effect Mom. Mom would be considered a Community spouse. Their finances will be looked at and split. With my GFs parents, They had SS and a pension/s. They had 60k in the bank. The 60k was split, 30k ea. Dad was in LTC so his half had to be spent down. Not sure how the SS and pension was split but Mrs. R had her home and car and didn't seem to have problems with money. Still did what she always had.

Maybe a lawyer versed in Medicaid. Medicaid allows for this in the 5 year look back.

Mrs R passed before Mr R. She had never changed her will which read "whats mine is yours" so the 30k she never spent went to Mr Rs care. GF always wondered if her Mom would have been able to change her will leaving the 30k to her children.

Update, I have talked with dad’s urologist and on Monday I am taking him in and they are going to removed the catheter for. Few hours to see if he can urinate. If so we will try that and maybe get him in MC. He is leary of surgery because he is 90. I don’t think he is improving with the dementia since the uti is gone. Mom took him his cell phone and he called me 3 times yesterday. Last time he said he was at the library and needed a ride home. I told him I wasn’t in town and he said ok I’ll just walk home! I did call to check he hadn’t escaped and I can take the calls if it makes him calmer.
i love this forum and the joke thread started my day with. Smile.😊

You watch out for any facilities that may ignore the law.