Dad has no idea of value of his finances or what his properties are worth. He has told me his homes are worth about 60,000 each but I believe it’s around 300,000. This woman has come into his life and made a big mess in our family.
I hope you will give us some facts in this case. Age and mental status of Dad? Age of the woman? How long does she live with Dad? What is her relation to Dad? And lastly what exactly do you suspect she is doing and how have you found these things out. Does you father have a POA?
From reading your profile I don't get the sense that you have his PoA or that he'd give it to you at this point. If your father doesn't have dementia then he is making decisions "in his right mind" and you will stand by and watch the slow-motion train wreck. She will drain him of everything and then he will require Medicaid to go into a nursing home for care. That is the probable brutal reality of the situation.
If I were in your shoes, I'd try one last "hail mary" attempt: plan a 1 week long trip down to see him unannounced. Bring PoA paperwork (one set for each of you) with you (download from Legalzoom.com or Rocketlawyer.com). Take him (only him!) out to lunch and have this discussion with him:
- it is important that he assign a PoA who is a younger family member and cares about him and will carry out his wishes faithfully. It only is in place after he is unable to make decisions in his own best interests (i.e. a diagnosis of cognitive problem).
- Without this important step, no one (not even his "girlfriend") will be able to help him when he needs it and the county will be forced to come in to get guardianship of him and they will make all future decisions, and control all his finances and assets.
If he is then willing to assign you as durable PoA, you will need to go to a notary and sign the paperwork there (and may require 2 non-family witnesses). Or you can go see an attorney but the "girlfriend" must be kept from knowing any of this. You each must have an original copy of the PoA paperwork. Then that same day or next day take him to his doc for a "physical" which includes a cognitive exam so you know where he's at mentally. If he has no decline, then please understand that he can create a new PoA naming his "girlfriend" and yours will be moot. BUT, if he DOES have decline then he cannot change it after his diagnosis is official in his med records (at least not without a legal battle).
Financial abuse of the elderly is widespread because it is lucrative, easy and almost always unprosecuted because the predators take off and the family doesn't have the energy or money to hire someone to pursue them. At that point the money is already spent and unrecoverable. This happened in our family, so speaking from experience. I wish you peace in your heart that you can only do so much. Only please learn from this situation and make sure your own legal ducks are all in a row right now.
If I were in your shoes, I'd try one last "hail mary" attempt: plan a 1 week long trip down to see him unannounced. Bring PoA paperwork (one set for each of you) with you (download from Legalzoom.com or Rocketlawyer.com). Take him (only him!) out to lunch and have this discussion with him:
- it is important that he assign a PoA who is a younger family member and cares about him and will carry out his wishes faithfully. It only is in place after he is unable to make decisions in his own best interests (i.e. a diagnosis of cognitive problem).
- Without this important step, no one (not even his "girlfriend") will be able to help him when he needs it and the county will be forced to come in to get guardianship of him and they will make all future decisions, and control all his finances and assets.
If he is then willing to assign you as durable PoA, you will need to go to a notary and sign the paperwork there (and may require 2 non-family witnesses). Or you can go see an attorney but the "girlfriend" must be kept from knowing any of this. You each must have an original copy of the PoA paperwork. Then that same day or next day take him to his doc for a "physical" which includes a cognitive exam so you know where he's at mentally. If he has no decline, then please understand that he can create a new PoA naming his "girlfriend" and yours will be moot. BUT, if he DOES have decline then he cannot change it after his diagnosis is official in his med records (at least not without a legal battle).
Financial abuse of the elderly is widespread because it is lucrative, easy and almost always unprosecuted because the predators take off and the family doesn't have the energy or money to hire someone to pursue them. At that point the money is already spent and unrecoverable. This happened in our family, so speaking from experience. I wish you peace in your heart that you can only do so much. Only please learn from this situation and make sure your own legal ducks are all in a row right now.