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For those who don't know me I'm a caregiver for my 94 year old Mom who has Alzheimer's/dementia. I let my cousin move in almost 2 years ago and I had to evict him because he was verbally abusing me and causing me a lot of stress.


Long story short I agreed to let his cat stay with me (this started this past June). The cat (Silver) is 18 years old and is urinating all over the house destroying it. I think she has diabetes due to her excessive thirst and frequent urination.


I texted my cousin a week ago and told him he needs to bring Silver to a vet. All he does is give me excuses to why he can't. He even brings up the fact that I kicked him out which has nothing to do with a sick cat.


It's not my responsibility to bring Silver to the vet and I don't know what to do.


Any advice?


Thanks,
Jenna

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JennaRose, I’m glad you found the Angel Fund to help you put the cat down. That is the humane thing to do!!
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I'm going to sound heartless--but I'm not.

The cat is suffering, and you don't have the time nor resources to care for it. I'd take it to the Animal Shelter and let them deal.

My DD's dog has kidney failure and diabetes and she is a FT job and they DO the shots and blood sugar tests--when frankly, this little animal should be euthanized. She's miserable.

On top of a sick mom, you have a sick cat. Put your priorities in place and be humane with both (and yourself).

Your bother is not coming back for this cat, and you know it.

Taking care of a diabetic cat is almost as much work as caring for a human with diabetes.

For me, any animal that is routinely urinating all over my house is a temporary pet. My DD's dog is 14 yo and was NEVER housebroken. They come to visit, they bring their incontinent dog. She's totally ruined my carpeted family room and the only saving grace is that she is a Pom and although she pees everywhere, it's not a huge puddle.

No, it's not your responsibility to take it to the vet, but it can be taken to a no-kill shelter and you can know you did the right thing.
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AlvaDeer Aug 2020
I don't think you are heartless at all, Midkid. I agree with you. I just think that as this is his cat, and he is clearly not stable and is not "right thinking" he will accuse the sister of murder and attempt to guilt her if she doesn't give him rights to collect his cat. You are correct. For an animal suffering all this the rest of life is simply a torture.
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Try contacting a cat rescue organization. They might be able to help. Silver might be at the end of his time on this earth.
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I would tell him that you cannot let the cat continue to soil in the home; that it exposes you and your Mother to an unsanitary and unsafe living condition that you cannot handle. I would send a letter certified telling him that he has a certain amount of time to pick up his cat. That after that period you will be forced to take the cat to a shelter. Tell him the name of the shelter. Tell him the date you will be forced to remove the cat to the shelter.
The shelter is very unlikely to deal with an ill 18 year old cat. I live in San Francisco where they pretty much try everything, and try to deal with everything, but often the most merciful thing to do with an "unadoptable" animal of this age is to put it mercifully to sleep.
I am a cat lover, a dog lover, a squirrel lover. There is no animal I don't love. But you have not the time for this and cannot deal with it. It is not that my heart doesn't go out to the owner of the cat; it is that there is no real answer for this. We are not Saints. We cannot work miracles. We are not without limitations. Your first duty is to provide a clean, skid free, safe place for the elder who is taking up all your time. Write the letter today. If my suspicions are real and there is no address, then call and say what you have to say. Tell him that you will leave a message the day you deliver the cat to shelter. Give a month.
Sorry for kitty. Sorry for you all. Not everything has a good answer.
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JennaRose Aug 2020
Thanks. He refuses to give me his address so I will text him and tell him what day I will bring Silver to the shelter. Then it's up to him.

I feel really bad for the cat but this is not my cat. I am also an animal lover but again, Silver is not my responsibility. My Mother is.

I am tired of cleaning up the cat's urine, etc.

Thanks again for your input, Jenna
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I emailed my local no-kill pet shelter regarding your question and their response is below:

"The main concern is the cat gets medical attention even if it means the caregiver takes the cat to the vet. It is not the cat's fault that it's owner is irresponsible and should not have to suffer because if it. There are several medical reasons the cat is peeing all over the house and once treated the situation could be cleared up."


I agree that the best thing that you can do is to take the cat to the vet or shelter and suggest that they contact your cousin and ask him if he wants the cat to be treated or surrendered to the local no-kill shelter.

If you contacted your cousin via email about how sick Silver is, keep a copy of that email in case your cousin accuses you of stealing his cat and/or murdering/killing it to get revenge on him.
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JennaRose Aug 2020
Hi DeeAnna,

Thanks so much for taking the extra time to e-mail your pet shelter, that's so nice of you!

As I posted before because I live in the mountains we only have 1 shelter here and I spoke with them yesterday and they said basically what your shelter said. That because my cousin is being irresponsible (no surprise there) and that I am the caregiver for the cat that it's fine for me to bring the cat to the vet. I am 99% sure the vet will want to put her to sleep.

Yes, I am keeping all the texts between my cousin and myself just in case he wants to get revenge. I don't trust him and he is an angry person who is not thinking straight but that's another subject.

Thanks again,
Jenna
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I have had cats and 18 is old. I would agree that the cat has diabetes. Which is hell to treat. Like humans their diet has to be watched and shots given. I would not do this for a 18 yr old cat.

My daughter works for a no kill shelter and it would not be fair to them to drop off a sick cat. These shelters have to pay vets to treat their animals. It may be a reduced rate but they pay. So the cost of putting the animal asleep falls on them. And...shelters are over their limits on cats usually.

I have a feeling your cousin knew there was something wrong with the cat and didn't have the funds to take it to the vet. Diabetes is not an overnight thing. I would tell him if he doesn't pick up the cat, then you will take it to the vet. If its found it does have diabetes or renal failure, you will have it put to sleep because you do not have the time to care for a sick cat. The only thing is, the Vet may not do it because the cat is not yours. So, you may have to say the cat was abandoned.

Cat urine is going to be very hard to get rid of. But thats another subject.
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JennaRose Aug 2020
Hi JoAnn,

Because I live in the mountains there is only 1 shelter here. I talked to them and they said the cat should be put to sleep and that they recommended 2 vets near me who can do it.

They also said because I'm the caregiver for the cat that the vet would have no problem putting the cat to sleep.

I don't think my cousin thinks his cat is sick (he is in total denial) even after I sent him photo's on my cell phone showing him that the cat is peeing blood. He keeps changing the subject talking about what a horrible person I am for evicting him. That's when I text "goodbye". I'm not falling into that trap.

Bottom line is he does not want to take responsibility for the cat and he left the cat with me so I will take responsibility.

Jenna
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I am a caregiver and a cat person. My last client I was in a live in situation and she had a cat. My lady has dementia and honestly believed at times she had two cats mean and nice! I was really disappointed in the care of the cat. The weekly caregiver and her family really wanted to get rid of the cat just because they didn’t like it. When I got there I sure did take care of her and my lady enjoyed watching her cat play. But if I did see signs as you did no matter what I would get the cat to the vet myself just isn’t fair at all for the cat who is suffering.
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Hi again everyone, I am so torn what to do. I have had cats before who I had had to put down. This cat (who doesn't belong to me) eats a lot, jumps, and is very playful for an 18 year old cat.

I don't think she is ready to be put down (unless a vet tells me different). Being a non-vet I think this cat has diabetes due to her excessive thirst and urination which would require expensive insulin (I can't afford that).

Otherwise this cat seems happy just sick. I just can't believe my cousin and my Aunt won't take any responsibility for their cat.

I will call the vet and have her examined (and I will pay for that).

I am torn as you can probably tell. This breaks my heart.
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Hi all, I just wanted to give everyone an update. Silver went downhill and stopped eating. I felt so bad for this cat so I made an appointment with my vet and after examining her he told me she had poop inside of her the size of a baseball. He also suspected renal failure (he didn't want to test because he didn't want to up my bill).

He said she was suffering and he put her to sleep. I cried. Yes, I'm a sensitive person what can I say?

I told my cousin in person and he didn't say much. A week later I ran into him and he lashed into me telling me that I should have told him the same day because "maybe" he had plans on where to bury her (I buried her in my backyard). Wow, after taking care of his cat that's what I get?

I said to him "if" you had plans for her you should have told me when I let you know that Silver was very sick and dying. I sent you photo's of the blood in her urine, etc. That was your chance to say something.

Anyway, I bought a new couch since my couch is full of her urine (I needed a new couch anyway).

Just wanted to update everyone.

Jenna
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JennaRose, thank you for the update. Silver had a long life, and you did the right thing. For an 18 year old cat, she was pushing 90 years in human years. We wish they could live forever, but they do develop age related issues.
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JennaRose Sep 2020
Thanks freqflyer, yes, Silver did have a long life and I know I did the right thing as she was suffering. Vet thought she had renal failure but didn't test because he didn't want to up my bill.
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