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For those who don't know me I'm a caregiver for my 94 year old Mom who has Alzheimer's/dementia. I let my cousin move in almost 2 years ago and I had to evict him because he was verbally abusing me and causing me a lot of stress.


Long story short I agreed to let his cat stay with me (this started this past June). The cat (Silver) is 18 years old and is urinating all over the house destroying it. I think she has diabetes due to her excessive thirst and frequent urination.


I texted my cousin a week ago and told him he needs to bring Silver to a vet. All he does is give me excuses to why he can't. He even brings up the fact that I kicked him out which has nothing to do with a sick cat.


It's not my responsibility to bring Silver to the vet and I don't know what to do.


Any advice?


Thanks,
Jenna

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Hi again everyone, I am so torn what to do. I have had cats before who I had had to put down. This cat (who doesn't belong to me) eats a lot, jumps, and is very playful for an 18 year old cat.

I don't think she is ready to be put down (unless a vet tells me different). Being a non-vet I think this cat has diabetes due to her excessive thirst and urination which would require expensive insulin (I can't afford that).

Otherwise this cat seems happy just sick. I just can't believe my cousin and my Aunt won't take any responsibility for their cat.

I will call the vet and have her examined (and I will pay for that).

I am torn as you can probably tell. This breaks my heart.
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I am a caregiver and a cat person. My last client I was in a live in situation and she had a cat. My lady has dementia and honestly believed at times she had two cats mean and nice! I was really disappointed in the care of the cat. The weekly caregiver and her family really wanted to get rid of the cat just because they didn’t like it. When I got there I sure did take care of her and my lady enjoyed watching her cat play. But if I did see signs as you did no matter what I would get the cat to the vet myself just isn’t fair at all for the cat who is suffering.
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I am also glad that JennaRose found an affordable way to put this cat down. However I would like to add a little more reason to the people who said ‘they could never do it’, ‘just the idea of DIY makes me sick’, ‘heartless and cruel’, ‘have the Vet do it the proper way’ etc.

Do you know how nature does it? We have many wild kangaroos on our farm. If an old man kangaroo is forced out by a younger male, it lives alone until it can’t get up. If we don’t find it, it lies there and is attacked by foxes, which partly eat it alive, starting with the tongue and the intestines. Then the flies get into the wounds, and it is eaten alive by maggots. Sometimes in the process, it is found by ants, which also eat it alive. It is the most awful way to die that I can imagine, certainly worse than crucifixion. Nature does not provide Vets, irrespective of ‘the proper way’. Because my husband has a gun licence (difficult to get in Oz), he is asked by all the neighbors to shoot injured road kill, as well as these old roos. He hates doing it, but it is the kindest thing for the animal. Quicker stop to pain than taking it a long trip to a Vet, for which no-one wants to pay. For that matter, have you ever tried to pick up an injured animal in pain? It is seriously unsafe, even the starling I drowned.

It’s nice that people care about animals, but not good that posters are not supported in sensible ways to cope with problems that are part of the trials of caring for difficult family members. We spend so much time on commonsense for ageing, but for animals common sense seems to go out the window.
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AlvaDeer Aug 17, 2020
Wise wise words, Margaret. So wise. Thank you so much. I have loved and worked with animals all of my life. My retirement has been spent fostering and working at shelters. I thank GOD for vets and the mercy they can show to injured, unwanted and abandoned animals when there is no other answer. I am so glad that JennaRose found a way to find mercy for an older and very impaired animal. I am a member of Final Exit and I hope a time will come when we can, when we are done with a life well lived, extend the same mercy to ourselves if we choose that for ourselves. I have had animals all my 78 years, and I have cradled more than a few as they left the world of my love, to enter peace from pain. It is the last best thing we can do for them.
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JennaRose, I’m glad you found the Angel Fund to help you put the cat down. That is the humane thing to do!!
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Jenna, white vinegar kills the enzymes that cause the odor from just about anything.

My cousin had a cat doing this and spraying in her house, I saturated every area with white vinegar and when it dried the awful smell was gone. It will smell like vinegar until it dries, but much better than cat pee.

You were nice to keep the cat. My brother left his with me for 2 weeks and 3 months later I found it a good home. He is still mad and that was 20 years ago.

Is your cousin taking care of his grandma?
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JennaRose Aug 17, 2020
Thanks, I also have tried Nature's Miracle which contains enzymes to eat up the urine and that works.

I kept the cat because that was the only way my cousin would move out, it was a trade-off. But my cousin said it would be 2 months at the most and it's going on 3 months now. He refuses any responsibility and I can't talk to him because all my cousin does is bring up how I evicted him.

I do think my cousin is taking care of my Aunt (his grandmother). They keep everything a secret and my Aunt doesn't even call my Mom when they have been not only sisters but best friends all these lives. Very sad.
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I think that a lot of posters have no idea about cats. Cats normally have 3 to 5 litters a year, and each litter is normally 3 to 5 kittens (9 to 15 kittens in a year). The kittens are fertile at between 5 and 9 months, so add on 3 to 10 of each female kittens’ kittens. These are averages – the net says that the biggest litter on record was 19 kittens to a Burmese in the UK in 1970. “Over population is a real problem and hundreds of thousands of cats are euthanized in shelters every year”, USA site. Spaying a female cat is a more difficult, more expensive vet operation then neutering a male, and for a cat and its litter is very expensive indeed.

I researched ‘no kill shelters’, and came to the conclusion that the ‘no kill’ meant if someone wanted the animal within a reasonable time. Your money gives more time and a better chance. Unwanted pets can’t be kept indefinitely.

I haven’t drowned feral cats (we shoot them in the cage trap), but I did with a starling that flew into MIL’s window and drove its beak back down its throat. It was fluttering in pain outside the window, and MIL was crying in distress when I arrived. I filled a bucket, dropped a towel over the bird, and held it under water. It was out of pain in less than 2 minutes. I didn’t enjoy it, and I wouldn’t suggest it for a loved family pet, but it was the quickest, kindest and most sensible thing to do. If this makes someone sick, they really need to think again.
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Isthisrealyreal Aug 15, 2020
We use a gun to put them out quickly.

My husband was raised on a farm and you did what you had to do.

Not everyone has an extra 100 to 300 for a shot.
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I have had cats and 18 is old. I would agree that the cat has diabetes. Which is hell to treat. Like humans their diet has to be watched and shots given. I would not do this for a 18 yr old cat.

My daughter works for a no kill shelter and it would not be fair to them to drop off a sick cat. These shelters have to pay vets to treat their animals. It may be a reduced rate but they pay. So the cost of putting the animal asleep falls on them. And...shelters are over their limits on cats usually.

I have a feeling your cousin knew there was something wrong with the cat and didn't have the funds to take it to the vet. Diabetes is not an overnight thing. I would tell him if he doesn't pick up the cat, then you will take it to the vet. If its found it does have diabetes or renal failure, you will have it put to sleep because you do not have the time to care for a sick cat. The only thing is, the Vet may not do it because the cat is not yours. So, you may have to say the cat was abandoned.

Cat urine is going to be very hard to get rid of. But thats another subject.
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JennaRose Aug 15, 2020
Hi JoAnn,

Because I live in the mountains there is only 1 shelter here. I talked to them and they said the cat should be put to sleep and that they recommended 2 vets near me who can do it.

They also said because I'm the caregiver for the cat that the vet would have no problem putting the cat to sleep.

I don't think my cousin thinks his cat is sick (he is in total denial) even after I sent him photo's on my cell phone showing him that the cat is peeing blood. He keeps changing the subject talking about what a horrible person I am for evicting him. That's when I text "goodbye". I'm not falling into that trap.

Bottom line is he does not want to take responsibility for the cat and he left the cat with me so I will take responsibility.

Jenna
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A 30 SECOND SHOT IS HUMANE. COUSIN NEEDS TO KNOW SO SEND HIM THE BILL. And if you feel you need to get compensation for his cat's euthanasia ---SUE HIM.
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Silver is in your house. Cousin has decided it is not his responsibility... Tag you are it.

When it's all done and said, perhaps, you can send him a copy of the vet bill, and or have them mail it to him...
Sue him in Small Claims Court if it comes down to it.

DO NOT LET THE CAT SUFFER... THE VET CAN TAKE IT DOWN IN A 30 SECOND SHOT... HUMANE... HUMANE.
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The cat is 18 years old. The poor thing is probably suffering. The vet can give it the 30 second shot... or 1 minute: I had to put my 2 LO's down within 4 days.. One had cancer and he was 13, the other had joint issues, lost her back end... :(
Please take your cat with a blanket, that you can leave there.. (donate blanket)
The vet will quietly sit with you, and go over all options. The vet understands and knows what is going on, geriatric parent, and geriatric pet, and you cannot do both. The vet will understand. It will be less than a minute, and most likely, less the $100.00 It will be peaceful, and YOU & KITTY will not have to suffer over this.
Life happens, geriatrics happens... This cat is in the geriatric stage.. DEATH IS OK. Don't let is suffer through organ shut down. THAT IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO GO... Trust me>..... This is the better option. Honestly, when it's done properly, YOU and kitty too, will feel better. They will ask if you want the ashes. After moving my aunt, and going through everything. I found CANS OF CAT ASHES... She didn't know what to do either... Let the vet take care of the ashes. Let the cat go... it is okay. You know it will not suffer long.. . 30 SECOND SHOT... I hope I get that when it's my time..
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Straightforward choice here – care for mother, or care for cat. The home euthanasia site suggests aspirin (5 tablets), or insulin (inject 10 units from bottle), or sleeping pills plus a sedative. Alternative is to put cat in old pillowcase, immerse in bucket of water, bury the lot in a hole – easy, quick and cheap.
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JennaRose Aug 15, 2020
That sounds horrible. I had to put down 4 pets in the past 40 years and I could never do what you suggested. I would use a vet.
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JennaRose, I searched this just out of curiosity and this is what came up:

https://oxfordpets.com/how-to-euthanize-a-cat-at-home-without-a-vet/

I have never done this so I'm not advocating it. It is merely an option in your situation. I have no idea what the cost of euthanizing a cat is. May you have peace in your heart whatever you decide to do.
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JennaRose Aug 15, 2020
I spoke with my local shelter yesterday and they have the Angel Fund which would pay half and I don't mind paying the other half to put this poor cat at peace.
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I emailed my local no-kill pet shelter regarding your question and their response is below:

"The main concern is the cat gets medical attention even if it means the caregiver takes the cat to the vet. It is not the cat's fault that it's owner is irresponsible and should not have to suffer because if it. There are several medical reasons the cat is peeing all over the house and once treated the situation could be cleared up."


I agree that the best thing that you can do is to take the cat to the vet or shelter and suggest that they contact your cousin and ask him if he wants the cat to be treated or surrendered to the local no-kill shelter.

If you contacted your cousin via email about how sick Silver is, keep a copy of that email in case your cousin accuses you of stealing his cat and/or murdering/killing it to get revenge on him.
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JennaRose Aug 15, 2020
Hi DeeAnna,

Thanks so much for taking the extra time to e-mail your pet shelter, that's so nice of you!

As I posted before because I live in the mountains we only have 1 shelter here and I spoke with them yesterday and they said basically what your shelter said. That because my cousin is being irresponsible (no surprise there) and that I am the caregiver for the cat that it's fine for me to bring the cat to the vet. I am 99% sure the vet will want to put her to sleep.

Yes, I am keeping all the texts between my cousin and myself just in case he wants to get revenge. I don't trust him and he is an angry person who is not thinking straight but that's another subject.

Thanks again,
Jenna
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I'm going to sound heartless--but I'm not.

The cat is suffering, and you don't have the time nor resources to care for it. I'd take it to the Animal Shelter and let them deal.

My DD's dog has kidney failure and diabetes and she is a FT job and they DO the shots and blood sugar tests--when frankly, this little animal should be euthanized. She's miserable.

On top of a sick mom, you have a sick cat. Put your priorities in place and be humane with both (and yourself).

Your bother is not coming back for this cat, and you know it.

Taking care of a diabetic cat is almost as much work as caring for a human with diabetes.

For me, any animal that is routinely urinating all over my house is a temporary pet. My DD's dog is 14 yo and was NEVER housebroken. They come to visit, they bring their incontinent dog. She's totally ruined my carpeted family room and the only saving grace is that she is a Pom and although she pees everywhere, it's not a huge puddle.

No, it's not your responsibility to take it to the vet, but it can be taken to a no-kill shelter and you can know you did the right thing.
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AlvaDeer Aug 14, 2020
I don't think you are heartless at all, Midkid. I agree with you. I just think that as this is his cat, and he is clearly not stable and is not "right thinking" he will accuse the sister of murder and attempt to guilt her if she doesn't give him rights to collect his cat. You are correct. For an animal suffering all this the rest of life is simply a torture.
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I would tell him that you cannot let the cat continue to soil in the home; that it exposes you and your Mother to an unsanitary and unsafe living condition that you cannot handle. I would send a letter certified telling him that he has a certain amount of time to pick up his cat. That after that period you will be forced to take the cat to a shelter. Tell him the name of the shelter. Tell him the date you will be forced to remove the cat to the shelter.
The shelter is very unlikely to deal with an ill 18 year old cat. I live in San Francisco where they pretty much try everything, and try to deal with everything, but often the most merciful thing to do with an "unadoptable" animal of this age is to put it mercifully to sleep.
I am a cat lover, a dog lover, a squirrel lover. There is no animal I don't love. But you have not the time for this and cannot deal with it. It is not that my heart doesn't go out to the owner of the cat; it is that there is no real answer for this. We are not Saints. We cannot work miracles. We are not without limitations. Your first duty is to provide a clean, skid free, safe place for the elder who is taking up all your time. Write the letter today. If my suspicions are real and there is no address, then call and say what you have to say. Tell him that you will leave a message the day you deliver the cat to shelter. Give a month.
Sorry for kitty. Sorry for you all. Not everything has a good answer.
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JennaRose Aug 14, 2020
Thanks. He refuses to give me his address so I will text him and tell him what day I will bring Silver to the shelter. Then it's up to him.

I feel really bad for the cat but this is not my cat. I am also an animal lover but again, Silver is not my responsibility. My Mother is.

I am tired of cleaning up the cat's urine, etc.

Thanks again for your input, Jenna
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Try contacting a cat rescue organization. They might be able to help. Silver might be at the end of his time on this earth.
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