What do I say to Mom about dying? She chose hospice to die at home, but seems to have forgotten that and now thinks she can get better?

I wouldn't take about dying at this point. Sounds like your Mom has hope. Encourage her to do some seated exercises. If she does eat more, she might get stronger. I have recently recovered from a serious surgery. I enjoyed drinking chicken broth, eating jello and saltines , pudding and grilled cheese.
Best wishes

What’s her diagnosis for hospice?

Agree with her.

If I were you I would let her try to stand up if that's what she wants. It isnt hurting anyone for her to try.

Only Gid truly knows if your mom is going to get better or not.

If she wants to eat more feed her more.

If you already know her wishes once she dies, then there is no need to discuss her dying.

The mind has a lot to do with a person getting better or not.

Whst purpose would it make to tell a person they are never going to get better and they are going to die? We're all going to die at some point.

Let your mom live out her remaining time on this earth doing exactly whatever she wants, as long as she isn't hurting anyone.

She just might surprise you. 😇

I wouldn't

I really feel for you. I went through the same thing a year ago. I did in home hospice for my mom who wanted to pass as she was tired and had cancer. My day was also sick but after my mom passed at home he decided he was going to get better. He had Mesothelioma. He even got his drivers lic renewed. He had to take a driving test as neighbors and family all complained to the DMV and they still, even with a doctors note, let him get it! Eventually he became so weak he had no choice but to allow us to make decisions. Time of our death is out of our hands and sometimes it can take a very long time with a lot of ups and downs and rallies. I tried to explain things to my dad but who wants to hear they have no hope. Just show your mom all the love you can. If it makes her feel better to try, let her try. I would give anything to just be able to talk to my parents again for just a second. Once they are gone that is it. I know it can be a lot of work and can get very emotional but death is a part of life. Hospice can come to the home to help you. They are very special people. Let them advise you when the time is right to maybe move her to a hospice. My dad was only at the hospice a few days before he passed. He was so out of it by the time we moved him he thought he was still in Maine where he lived. I just told him YES you are in Maine just like you wanted. He smiled and closed his eyes and that was pretty much it. I would let her have her hope and be patient with her. Show her all the love you can and remember it will be your turn one day too.

When she broke her hip and pelvis was surgery for the hip done? My mother in law broke her hip at 96. Had the surgery, did inpatient rehab and did great. I can not imagine even trying to stand if surgery was not done on the hip. I feel for you. If she wants to try standing. Let her try and then if she can’t say we will try later in the day. Wishing and praying for strength for you during this time.

Killing hope is sad and cruel. Help her see she must do her part of the work, She needs to eat, to regain strength, to practice standing, and do other exercises that lead to success for someone in her condition. Let her become a partner in the effort. If her previous PT person gave her sheets of illustrated instructions, dig them out or call and request copies. Then you can help and guide her through the appropriate exercises.Be firm about her safety; she must not fall again, And she must not work toward her goal alone -- there must be someone with her. Mary Ellen (above) has good ideas about getting assistance. Just tell her as often as you can how proud of her you are, that you see she is serious about improving her situation, and you have gotten the best available advice and are on her team. She just may surprise you.

Gen

My goodness your Mom has a fighting spirit! Can I ask why she is dying? Is it just because she’s not eating and getting weaker? Why did she break her hip and pelvis? If she just had a fall and there is nothing else wrong with her there is no real reason why she can’t get better then. But she will need to build up her strength first or she will fall again. Nutrition supplement drinks might help to get nutrition in her if she doesn’t have an appetite. And if she does want food, like scrambled eggs, you can use these high energy supplements as milk substitutes etc. Milkshakes are also good. High calorie desserts like crepe brûlée. And she can exercise in bed to build her strength up before trying to stand. She’ll also need to be sitting up or when she stands suddenly she’s liable to drop her blood pressure and feel faint. Her body needs to get used to being more upright. After this long her bones will be healing and pain is less so she’s feeling more like doing something. If she is genuinely dying and this is the reason for her fractures maybe you could find a way to get her to sit in a bedside chair for a bit as a change of scene and position.

How hard that must be for you. I think I would encourage her to rest. Say the advice is that she is not strong enough to try standing. I wouldn't discuss dying with her and just take one day at a time.

I like golden23's answer.
Tell her you'll help her try her walker when she is stronger. It really could be rallying and it may even be for your sake.
But I wouldn't lie to her either. I think I would like to be spoken to honestly at the end of my life, I would discuss her dying depending on her spiritual beliefs, give her as much comfort as you can. If you don't think she can or wants to hear that, then comfort her and tell her she must rest now and the future will sort itself out.
Take care of yourself in this difficult time.

If it was my mom, i would encourage her to eat as much as possible, when she gets that energy to do more i would help her walk a little at a time. You also have to be clear w her what's going on and explain to her that death is natural, and everyone will go thru it and that its a better happier place for her after this. On the other hand if she does have dementia, sometimes its best to go w the flow and step into their world. You may come to find that doing that will keep her happy until her final days.

If she wants to try to stand, and you and your husband can support her safely, let her try. When she fails, you say "never mind, we can try again tomorrow" and help her safely back into bed.

If there is something she would like to eat, you offer it to her. She probably won't manage more than a taste of it. That's okay.

In short - whatever offers your mother peace of mind and comfort in the moment is *fine.*

If she has always been a religious person - has she? - and you have any concerns about her being prepared for death in a ritual way, consult her minister.

I'm so sorry about your Mom. I hope she passes peacefully.

perhaps contact the hospital social worker, or her current doctor and see if they will right an RX for a visiting nurse service to come into the home and access her and have PT come in weekly, I believe here in NY beginning is 3 X a week, they will show her ways to build up strength while in bed or in a reclining lift chair, these chairs are worth the money, easier to get in & out of. I would have a talk with mom and explain with clear boundaries her options are 1- visiting nurse & PT to the plan of care they advise or 2- she will have to go into an assisted living or nursing home, make appointments and bring her to both types of facilities, this more than likely will flip a switch to agree to home PT and visiting nurse until they feel she is strong enough once again. I’d also look into hiring a Senior companion to help you out and will also give you a healthy break for you’re own mental health & self care. It’s not easy, but defining boundaries, being stern not letting her over step them nor yourself over stepping them is needed and at times hard to do! Wishing you & mom the best

I think we all know that we will die. Accepting it is another story. The will to live can be fierce. Sometimes it takes awhile before accepting death.

Sometimes, just before the end there is a burst of emotions and it’s sort of the last hurrah! Look up rallying before death. My brother did this before his death.

She maybe rallying. Its like a spirt of energy.

Does she remember that she couldn't do it the day before?Why not suggest that when she is stronger she can try again, but right now rest is better for her. I know this is hard.

When she starts asking, give her a kiss and depart. Therapeutic fibbing may help her ease her way toward acceptance and departing from this world onto her next journey whatever that may be.