What do I do when I know my husband needs to be placed and can't find a place with openings?

You call your county social services, they will help you. If he is violent, you call 911 and they will help.

If your husband's issue is Alz/dementia, I received good advice from an RN on this. There are some hospitals that have GREAT dementia units. They work with the patients medicinally until they are "stabilized" and then send them home with meds after they find out what regimen works for them. First, do research to find out what hospitals in your area have dementia units. Then take your husband to the ER and tell them he has dementia and is violent, having hallucinations, paranoid, etc. Refuse to take him back. Demand that he be admitted to the dementia unit. If you tell the hospital there's no one at home to take care of him, social work will get involved to get him placed. I don't know how much control you will have over the facility where he is placed in. Ask. Or you could take him back after he's medicated, and wait it out. I know how you feel. I am waiting for a NH bed to open up for my mother, too. It's difficult. Good luck and God bless. Let us know how it works out.

You will have to medicate him if hes violent. Call his doctor. My mom was a different person when medicated thru those stages. Good luck.

Some possibilities:

Call his doctor and explain you are desperate, can't care for him any longer, and see if he or she can help.

Call adult protective services and explain that you feel both he and you are at risk.

If he must stay at home, see if his insurance will pay for home health aides or visiting nurses so at least you'll have some help.

If you can get him to a hospital for some reason, pateints often go from the hospital to the nursing home.

Stress can get so bad that your own health can be affected; make that clear to people -- it is just too much and your husband needs more care than you can provide.

I'm so sorry for this situation. Many of this here know how difficult and heart-breaking it is. Keep your chin up and you'll get through it. Don't be afraid to ask for help anywhere you can.

First take care of yourself, then I would recommend you find a senior daycare center where he can go 1 - 5 days a week. If he is a veteran they will approve of at least 2 days per week. Get extra help so you can take a break, and find things that he likes to do so he is not so bored. Negativity is a symptom of depression, so have his doctor run a CBC to see if he might be low in thyroid hormone, B-12 or Vitamin D to run them out. You never know what may be causing the behaviors.

contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Bureau of Senior Services, they have in home programs that will assist you in caring for your husband at home. I'd speak with his doctor about his behaviors, he may need a medication change or there may be something medical going on. You can also contact the local Alzheimer's Association chapter, they have a respite program you could take advantage of. The AAA should also have or know who has a caregiver support group for you. It's not easy caring for someone at home, but you need to care for yourself first. Take advantage of the programs out there to help caregivers, that is what they are there for.

This sounds very familiar. Meds were very helpful with the negativity and surliness. The walking has also improved but initially getting past the side effects of these drugs was not easy. Be sure your have exhausted all of this help. If your doctor is reluctant FIND ANOTHER ONE!! Waiting for a bed can be stressful but hopefully you can improve your situation in the meantime.

*Sorry, I meant to say "rule them out" above. It must be very frustrating when you know you are forgetting and can't remember. My husband says he gets mad at himself, but usually he lashes out at me. I tell him I'm not the one with the dementia and that usually calms him down. Most of the time...

Does he ever need to go to the ER? If he is ever in the hospital, you can refuse to take him home. I know it sounds awful, but if he outlives you, he will be sent somewhere. You need to force the issue, now and find that somewhere. (My FIL had ALZ. I am so sympathetic to you.) Best wishes.

Eyerishlass, how can a social worker "suss out" a bed at a nursing home when there are none and several ppl are waiting ahead of you? Do you mean that they would be more likely to know which homes have availability? I am waiting for a bed to open up for my mom at one of the 4 nursing homes we applied to. There are homes in my area that have a bed availability, but I dislike them for good reason. I don't mean to hijack thus thread, but anything more you can tell me about how a social worker can get you a bed when there seemingly are none would be appreciated. And on that note, I realize that for the original poster, we're not even sure if bed availability is the issue. She could be waiting for medicaid or something else.