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It coud take up to a year and I don't think I'll make it that long. I try to be positive but he is so negative that he really drags me down. Very unpredictable- never know when hes going to snap. Sometimes I feel hopeul but he wipes that out quickly.Walks around the house like a caged animal.

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Is he a veteran? He may have options of the veteran's hospital and financial assistance through the VA Aid and Attendance program. Once you have him in any hospital for any reason you need to refuse to take him home because you are no longer able to provide the necessary care needed. Happens all of the time.
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Joannes, you hit the nail on the head! I wish I'd known the terms "geriatric specialist" and "geriatric psychiatrist" long ago. Looking back, mom's untreated anxiety and depression were the "bad actors" that led to her not being able to live at her home, with help.
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Is your husband's physician a geriatric specialist? Or just a medical internist? Getting a specialist would likely help. My dad didn't turn into a happy relaxed man with dementia until he got a physician who was a geriatric psychiatrist and was experienced with meds used for dementia. The internal medicine doc was no help at all. His neurologist was of some help, but once my dad WAS placed somewhere, he could no longer see his regular doctors, but had to go with doctors affiliated with the facility he was in. I wish I had gotten him with a geri psych MD sooner, as it might have save him and us a lot of grief! And perhaps he could have even remained at home with in home caregivers helping Mom.
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If someone is 80-90 years old and goes to the hospital for any reason that keeps them in bed for a few days, they are going to need rehab. In my mom's nh, the rehab and long term residents are in the same accomodations. My mom is there long term, but she goes back on pt, ot every time she's been hospitalized.
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Ba8alou, thank you. I'm thinking the discharge planning route is for ppl who are going to a NH for rehab. They are separated from the long term residents and sometimes their accommodations are nicer. This is a really good idea and a good way to get your loved one into a NH provided they have physical problems that would also qualify them to go to a "rehab."
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Christine, there are waiting lists for non emergency placements and then there is the discharge planning route, which produces beds that are available for hospital to facility placements. It has always seemed to me that it's two different lists.
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I am so sorry to hear of your troubles with your husband. I hope & pray for a quick and decent resolution which honors everyone's needs as much as possible. Please know there are many people sending good thoughts you way.
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Eyerishlass, how can a social worker "suss out" a bed at a nursing home when there are none and several ppl are waiting ahead of you? Do you mean that they would be more likely to know which homes have availability? I am waiting for a bed to open up for my mom at one of the 4 nursing homes we applied to. There are homes in my area that have a bed availability, but I dislike them for good reason. I don't mean to hijack thus thread, but anything more you can tell me about how a social worker can get you a bed when there seemingly are none would be appreciated. And on that note, I realize that for the original poster, we're not even sure if bed availability is the issue. She could be waiting for medicaid or something else.
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Does he ever need to go to the ER? If he is ever in the hospital, you can refuse to take him home. I know it sounds awful, but if he outlives you, he will be sent somewhere. You need to force the issue, now and find that somewhere. (My FIL had ALZ. I am so sympathetic to you.) Best wishes.
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*Sorry, I meant to say "rule them out" above. It must be very frustrating when you know you are forgetting and can't remember. My husband says he gets mad at himself, but usually he lashes out at me. I tell him I'm not the one with the dementia and that usually calms him down. Most of the time...
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This sounds very familiar. Meds were very helpful with the negativity and surliness. The walking has also improved but initially getting past the side effects of these drugs was not easy. Be sure your have exhausted all of this help. If your doctor is reluctant FIND ANOTHER ONE!! Waiting for a bed can be stressful but hopefully you can improve your situation in the meantime.
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contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Bureau of Senior Services, they have in home programs that will assist you in caring for your husband at home. I'd speak with his doctor about his behaviors, he may need a medication change or there may be something medical going on. You can also contact the local Alzheimer's Association chapter, they have a respite program you could take advantage of. The AAA should also have or know who has a caregiver support group for you. It's not easy caring for someone at home, but you need to care for yourself first. Take advantage of the programs out there to help caregivers, that is what they are there for.
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First take care of yourself, then I would recommend you find a senior daycare center where he can go 1 - 5 days a week. If he is a veteran they will approve of at least 2 days per week. Get extra help so you can take a break, and find things that he likes to do so he is not so bored. Negativity is a symptom of depression, so have his doctor run a CBC to see if he might be low in thyroid hormone, B-12 or Vitamin D to run them out. You never know what may be causing the behaviors.
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Some possibilities:

Call his doctor and explain you are desperate, can't care for him any longer, and see if he or she can help.

Call adult protective services and explain that you feel both he and you are at risk.

If he must stay at home, see if his insurance will pay for home health aides or visiting nurses so at least you'll have some help.

If you can get him to a hospital for some reason, pateints often go from the hospital to the nursing home.

Stress can get so bad that your own health can be affected; make that clear to people -- it is just too much and your husband needs more care than you can provide.

I'm so sorry for this situation. Many of this here know how difficult and heart-breaking it is. Keep your chin up and you'll get through it. Don't be afraid to ask for help anywhere you can.
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A social worker can find a bed but you need to get into a situation where you have access to a social worker. Like a hospital. Can you take him to the ER? Once there you can request a social worker.

Most NH's have very long waiting lists. It's not unusual. But a social worker can usually suss out a bed.
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If your husband's issue is Alz/dementia, I received good advice from an RN on this. There are some hospitals that have GREAT dementia units. They work with the patients medicinally until they are "stabilized" and then send them home with meds after they find out what regimen works for them. First, do research to find out what hospitals in your area have dementia units. Then take your husband to the ER and tell them he has dementia and is violent, having hallucinations, paranoid, etc. Refuse to take him back. Demand that he be admitted to the dementia unit. If you tell the hospital there's no one at home to take care of him, social work will get involved to get him placed. I don't know how much control you will have over the facility where he is placed in. Ask. Or you could take him back after he's medicated, and wait it out. I know how you feel. I am waiting for a NH bed to open up for my mother, too. It's difficult. Good luck and God bless. Let us know how it works out.
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You will have to medicate him if hes violent. Call his doctor. My mom was a different person when medicated thru those stages. Good luck.
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You call your county social services, they will help you. If he is violent, you call 911 and they will help.
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