What do I do now?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm assuming you are named personal representative in their will or trustee if property was held in trust? Or was there literally nothing in writing?

FIRST, take the time you need and DESERVE to mourn. Then get a lawyer who can help you through all the pieces. If there was no will they can help you navigate intestate laws in your state. And represent your interest.

It's a lot. Don't be pressured or rushed. There are certain steps that need to be taken and this will all take time. You spent 12 years of your life caregiving. Take all the time you need, and in my opinion I would not even begin to try to engage an attorney until at least after the new year.

Tell your siblings that you will start probate when you're good and ready, which will be after January 1st.

Hang up and don't take any more calls until next year.

They are despicable.

You’re only 36. Half your life’s book is still waiting to be written. Fill those pages with whatever brings you joy.

"Nothing was set up in writing" -- if this means she has no will, that might give you some valuable ammunition here. I'm not a lawyer, and the rules are undoubtedly different from state to state, but if I'm not mistaken, if someone dies intestate (without a will), "the process" simply cannot start the moment they die. No amount of fussing on your siblings part will change that. It will have to wait for the courts to get around to it, and after all the chaos of two years of covid-19 related delays, the courts are all backed up everywhere. It could be six months. It could be years. Just look at the case of Prince, a very famous and wealthy man with a large extended family, many of whom were being financially supported by him -- he was intestate when he died unexpectedly, and it was a long time before the process could even start.

But if she didn't die intestate, and you're the executor, the big thing to remember here is that your siblings aren't looking for someone to help you. They're looking for someone to help them. If all they REALLY want is to be bought out of their shares, they can wait. As long as her assets are basically frozen (apart from ensuring necessary bills are being paid), there is no urgency. You can tell them you've seen to the immediate expenses, and everything else is frozen; thank them for their concern and tell them you'll keep them posted when it's time to move forward with other aspects of distributing the estate.

Block them on your phone and accounts for now. Decide later what you want to do about this. My sympathy on the loss of your parents, but you need to take care of your son and yourself right now.

To think your siblings are so eager to 'help' you only now that there is $$$$ on the table, and did bupkis to help you while their parents were alive, is beyond disgusting. I agree with Barb: tell them, in no uncertain terms, that you'll deal with the financials after the first of the year, and you're not taking ANY CALLS until then. And please don't call me, I'll call you.

My deepest condolences on all of your losses, including your siblings.

You could always respond to them with a "I'm shocked you would ask such a question at this time. I'M in mourning for our mother -- why aren't you?"

Sometimes putting it right back on someone opens their eyes to how insensitive and truly awful they sound.

For equitable distribution with no will, bring the death certificate and file in probate. You may find that bank accounts and funds are locked. Only funds that can be released early are those that have a designated beneficiery. Request to be the executor or find someone in the family. If a home is involved, you may not be able to sell it until a judge sends a particluar letter to the executor grants the ability to unlock. At probate you will need names and addresses of all immediate family members who could be elegable to distribution. Immediate may be only you and your siblings may inherit. You can add grandchildren but that may be limited. State laws dictate how the executor can distribute.
If you choose to become executor than file before someone else does. As executor, you can receive a stipend for your time and you will need to satisfy all professionals such as lawyers or burial before final distribution. That may include paying final taxes next year. The executor does not want to be paying those bills if funds are released too quickly. This is not as quick as family expects,
As for the rats crawling out of the woodwork, if you are in a large family gathering, a very loud "I beg your pardon?" can be appropriate. For text, steely silence is fine. For phone, you can say that you are greatly offended that they are asking at this time.

Probate can't even be started until the person has been gone, in my state, 9 or 10 days. When opened, it can't be closed for a certain number of months, my state 8. This gives time for all bills and debts to come in. They must be paid. The house, depends on what the Will says. I so hope if your parents wanted u and ur son taken care of they made arrangements in the Will. If the Will says the house needs to be sold and the proceeds split, that can take a while and probate can't be closed till then. Lots go into probate.

If there is no Will, you can become Administrator. You do the duties of an Executor but...the State determines who inherits.

As said, do not answer their calls.

I am sorry for your loss. You may block all family calls and texts. Then work things out with an attorney. It can take as long as one year or more to distribute a will or do probate if anyone passed without a will. Patient or not, people must wait. As I read earlier, the courts are back-logged and cannot move faster.

As you work your way through this you should also seek out the advice of a special needs lawyer for your child. You need to be careful about him inheriting any assets from your mother. It could put him in jeopardy from being able to access any government benefits that he may need now or in the future. I have an autistic brother and my father specifically didn’t leave him anything in his trust because it would have made him ineligible for all the services he receives now. Even a special needs trust would have made him ineligible for Medicaid and the funding that pays for him to live in his group home. My brother and I will inherit everything and we will make sure our autistic brother has what he needs and that funds are set aside for the future for his care should he need them, but those funds will not be in his name.

Sorry for your loss. Block them.. give yourself some time and a break. Do things slowly and carefully. So you don't haver regrets later.

I am surprised nothing was put in writing - usually the primary caregiver gets the house especially when you have a disabled son . See if there are Volunteer lawyer projects or Lawyers for the disabled and Low income people and act quickly . Block these relatives and find a lawyer and protect yourself from being thrown into the streets and what ever you do don’t answer your Door and screen your phone calls .it’s true housing court is backed up years from Covid - how can you buy out their shares when there was no Will ? I would ignore them till you get legal help . And whatever you do ignore any realtor - you may want to change the locks on the house if any of them have keys

Mourning your parents does not mean you cannot begin to sort out legal and financial matters, just take your time. Rely on professionals like the bank any financial institutions holding the assets in question. Make an in person appointment, if you can, to discuss your situation. Take titles, account papers, death certificates, etc. Explain what you are trying to accomplish, and ask for their help in how to get that done. If a lawyer is needed, you will have a clearer idea of what the lawyer needs to do.

You will be mourning the loss of your parents for a period of time. That does not mean you cease to function. Take things one at a time. First, keep yourself and your son safe. Then begin with the financial firm yourself. Let them guide you.

Please don't try to manage this by yourself.

The first thing to do is to hire an estate attorney. The second thing is to have your attorney get you appointed by the Court as the Administrator of the Estate.

At that point, you can direct your siblings to speak with the attorney who will protect your interests as well as your siblings and see to it that the estate is properly distributed.

No one wants to hire an attorney, but I can tell you that it will be well worth it in the end.

Consider what you need in relation to your siblings - in terms of their constant calls and texts. Once you know how you want to handle it, tell them:
* Do not call or text me. I will contact you if / when I need assistance.
* You must learn to set boundaries.
* Deal with any time sensitive / legal matters. All else can wait - to give you time to mourn.

* As necessary contact an attorney and tell your siblings to contact the attorney.

Gena / Touch Matters

Hopefully they had a will. A will is their directive how to dispose of their estate when they are gone. Nothing to fight over just execute their will.

Speak with an attorney for direction.
You do not have to tell the siblings that you are doing this.
Who was listed as the POA? You?
You will most likely have to go through the probate process unless your parents had something else set up. Handling estate probate or otherwise can be laborious; that is why some folks pay an attorney to handle it all.
It does sound like you need some competent support such as attorney or other professional.
Some funeral homes have some basic directions available to the bereaved.
Above and beyond the estate process, please consider getting grief support either 1:1 or in a group.
A hospice entity or funeral home or local hospital can usually provide you with resources available.

As for the siblings, do not let them nor anyone push you or bully you .
Caregivers , like yourself, are exhausted after the death of loved one and, all of the estate/ business side for the deceased, adds more stress and fatigue; however there are parts of it that do need immediate attention for your and everyone's well being including being able to grieve properly...
Grief is cumulative and fluid....expect it to be around a while.

Get an estate lawyer to manage this. It is sad but common. Ask someone you trust for names. Your doctor, mortician, clergy., not any possible heirs. A reference librarian can give you some names. Often you can have a free initial consult. Then direct inquiries to the lawyer. Plead ignorance of such matters and the desire to be fair. Take care of yourself, it will be difficult and take time Nobody will be happy.

Please consult an Estate Planning Attorney, perhaps he/she can offer a solution and there might be a service to sell everything and split it up. With her bills, submit your own bill for services. Maybe $25 an hour times your 12 years of services provided. Your bank can give you a referral if you don't have someone in mind. See if you can set it up so the lawyer deals with your siblings, in stead of you. Then, block them.

Very good question, for me at least. I have yet to mourn my Father because I had to go into business mode. I had to put Mother into memory care. I am an only child so dealing with others has not been a chore. I do have a great attorney. My heart goes out to you.

They are rushing you. If they will be beneficiary to any of the 'leftover' estate and you are in charge of distribution, let them know you will get the ball rolling after the first of the new year. That will allow you to finish this year's taxes or other payments to complete expenses from parent's life.

To give them their share of the home, you'll need appraisal of property and possibly to arrange financing of you're going to buy them out.

If parents had a will, have you completed dad's probate yet? If no wills, you'll need to get atty to help open the probate.

Dont discuss house repairs done while they were alive with them. Tell them not on the table. Keep good records to account for all monies and properties that will be distributed.

I have two quotes:

Haste makes waste.
Here is how the Germans say it, "Do it right or don't do it at all.'

Take your time with proper documents and do not rush. No family can pressure you into the wrong moves that increase the processing time and frustration. Furthermore, you need some privacy and time for yourself to grieve. Seek counseling if it gets too challenging.

Dadscaregiver86: My deepest condolences to you on the loss of your parents. That's appalling that your siblings are only 'seeing dollar signs' when they should be mourning. State to them that YOU are mourning and you will only discuss any financial decisions at a much later time. Period.

Start by seeing a lawyer that handles estate law. Get his/her advice. Take the fee out of the estate before dividing up the money. Consider what you want for yourself and your child for this next stage of your lives.

should of put in black and white too late now, you have to buy siblings out.