What has a dementia patient said that made you laugh out loud?

My grandma had early onset Alzheimer's that slowly progressed over the course of 20+ years, so I have plenty of LOL moments. When she was living with me and I was working nights as an ICU nurse, she just couldn't grasp the concept of me sleeping in the day so I could work that night. She would come down the long hallway to my bedroom and open the door to see what I was doing 4-5 times every afternoon. My two small/medium old dogs always slept with me and would get excited and want to kiss her when they saw her come in the room. One afternoon I could hear her come down the hall and stand in front of the door. She turned the door knob, but didn't open the door and come in. She actually turned the knob 3 times, but never came in. I got up to check if she was alright and see why she wasn't coming in. She told me "I was going to come in, but I remembered that there was a pack of wild dogs in there just waiting to jump me" Oh grandma, Lol!
Another funny thing she said was on a Friday afternoon when I took her to Starbucks for a frappuccino. She kept looking at all the cars on the street and even counting them as we driving. She said "There are so many cars out today. What is everyone doing that is important. I know, everyone is going to the store to get alcohol for the weekend! We better go get some too" Sure grandma, let's go get alcohol 😂.

It happened yesterday. I ask her if she wanted to take a shower. she said yes and continued to just lie there in bed.
I ask her if she was going to get up to shower or if she was just going to lay there and pretend.
She said she was just going to lay there and pretend.
It was funny to but it was also quite a joy to hear her make such a long statement since she has aphasia and has extreme difficulty forming sentences longer that two or three words.
I am still smiling about it.

Me: Do you know how long we've been married?
Him: No.
Me: We've been married for 41 years!
Him: Why so long?

Me: I weigh 150 pounds.
Him: That's a LOT!

Him: (during lunch, apropos of nothing): "I want to f*** my brains out!"

Me: Do you love me?
Him:
Me: Well, I love you!
Him: That's convenient!

New hospice nurse: Hello, sir! How are you today?
Him: Take your pants off.

Oh dear. I just looked back at an old post of mine and saw that I already told a couple of these stories. I should keep this window open so that whenever he says something I can post it--he says something funny almost every day!

mother is sitting on the toilet and I asked her if she was finished. She looked up and said- I was just twinkling

The PT and OT arrived to the house, but my LO refused to see them. He could hear them in entryway and accused me of running a whore house! The funny part came when I explained to the young professionals that he wasn’t able to see them they had overheard. One asked, “Are we the whores?”

Mother must still fancy herself as quite the hot mama because all the "nasty" men in the Memory Care facility want to touch her in all her private places!

I don't know about making me laugh out loud, but grandma has gotten into the habit of slamming her palm on the dining room table and yelling "Where are the servants!!". When I ask her who she thinks she is? She replies "I'm the princess."

My BF works at night on Sundays. Therefore, I go to bed so that I can watch my shows. And every now and than my mother will come in my room and ask if I knocked on her bedroom door:
Mother: did you knock on my door?
Me: no mom I have been in bed.
Mother: well, someone knocked on my door, and I am not letteng them in.
Me: mom it is God!
Mother: oh, well he can come in.
Than she walks out very happy.
I aways find this funny.

I really needed this, Dad is in rehab and I noticed an ankle alarm on his leg, he said "because I walk too much with this walker" um tried to follow me out and alarms went off, hard of hearing 3 staff members and I walked him back to the safe zone "Bye Dad love you" tried 2 more times! Overheard as I was walking out he was telling everyone he wanted to hear me sing ! ? 🤣

One of the gentlemen at my dads facility loves chewing gum, so I found some that wouldn't stick to his false teeth. Unfortunately, they changed the recipe and yep, it stuck to his teeth. One of the aides took his teeth to clean them up, I came into the front room and he was so sad. I asked him what happened, the aide hollers that the teeth were a mess from the gum and she has them. He looks at me, with tears in his eyes and says, She took my gum!

For about a month after this everytime I saw him, he would look sad and tell me, she took his gum. This was the only thing I ever saw him remember.

Grandma had Alz and mom and I were caring for/watching her (it took both of us!). One day she turned to me and very seriously said "I wouldn't have lost my mind if I could have helped it, you know.....". As if (LOL); I never forgot that one!

I'm reminded of something he said early on in the process when he could still carry on a conversation. We were sitting in the hot tub and I was trying to explain some financial thing I was working on, and he said "You are going to have to realize that my brain doesn't work the way it used to."

Well, actually my late mother once got the restaurant, KFC totally mixed up. She said "Kenf###y Tied Chicken." Yep, that's where she wanted to eat.

I was at MIL's house putting her compression stockings on when her daughter called ... Daughter asked if I'd been around lately.
*Oh Val? No she never visits!*
I howled with laughter!

Superstring: Glad I could make you LOL.

So yesterday his caregivers were getting ready to take him out for a ride in the car, and he says "Gotta get outta here. The cops are after us!"

We used to take mom out to eat at a restaurant she always loved. As the alzheimers progressed, she woud talk louder. Once she saw an older couple come in and she said in a loud voice, "Look at that old man, poor guy can hardly walk without help!" I was a bit embarrassed, but mom could hardly walk either. She was still worried about others. still makes me smile.

I do love the stories people are posting - we all need a good chuckle now and then!

Today I remembered that on a recent visit I noticed the woman sitting at the table with mom had severe bruising on her face and neck, with a big knot on her forehead. Because I was asking her how she was doing (100yo!) and what happened, mom raised her hand up a bit for me to see. She had a cold compress on top of it and a little swelling, but no real pain. She must have been feeling left out - look, I have a boo-boo too! I jokingly told her she needed to stop hitting the other resident! The CNA stopped by the table to tell me about mom's hand and demonstrated how mom had gotten up and started to walk with out her walker and showed how she caught her foot on the walker and fell. Mom watched all this and when the pseudo trip was made, she says "I think you've had one too many!"

Sadly the other woman passed away about a week later. I miss her as she and I got along really well and enjoyed working on jigsaw puzzles. Just missed 101 by about 2 months. :-(

Once my late mother, aunt, husband and I took a trip to the coast of Maine. We lost track of time and the only restaurant still open was a very posh/high end restaurant. The waiter comes around, white cloth over his arm. He asked my mom what she would like. Her="a bowl of clam chowder." Him="and what would you like for your entree?" Her="that's all." (THE CHOWDER WAS $20.) Then she says "I don't think he likes me." He overhears her and says "I like everyone." She had ordered a White Russian and was getting loud!

Whole caring for my grandmother who had dementia, she told me that the "lady with the big ass" stole her panties. She was referring to me.

Took my husband ( dementia) to get his eyes checked. Young lady enters waiting room & in a very loud voice calls " Mr. " then last name. My husband stands, walks towards her saying , " I'm blind not deaf!" I love the times he's lucid? 😇😇