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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Your home needs to be emotionally safe for everyone who lives there, not just the loved one with dementia. Unfortunately, when a person with dementia moves in, home becomes unsafe for the caregivers, and not only emotionally.
Read posts on this forum to learn the many ways taking in a person with dementia can disrupt a household. Read a lot of them. Do not think that you and your family are different and that the bad things won't happen to you. Some version of "bad " almost always happens.
I took care of both of my parents who had dementia at their home, and now it's my husband. Second verse same as the first - but this time, dear husband moved to memory care. It was the best decision I could have made. He has friends there, the aides are wonderful, and I am again his wife, not just the mean caregiver who made him take showers and took away the 14" butcher knife he'd hidden under the couch cover.
Go look at some MCs ASAP before you install railings in your hallways and modify the shower that your loved one will refuse to use no matter what you do. I wish you luck in finding the best way to care for your loved one.
Memory Care shrinks down the compromised elders world so they're not overwhelmed or endangered by real world life. Kitchens are removed, contraptions are removed, the bldg is designed in a square so elders cannot get lost walking around, bathrooms are all handicapped accessible with no lip on the shower, no rugs exist, they have no access to chemicals or lotions and potions in the bathroom or breakable objects in their suites, floors are either vinyl (in suite) or industrial carpeting (in public areas), exterior doors (to the outside world) are kept locked so residents cannot wander outside, all floors are smooth enough to allow ease of movement with wheelchairs, walkers or canes, everything is on one level so there are no stairs to climb or fall down......things of that nature. Making these types of changes to your home tend to turn it into more of a hospital environment than a cozy home. Especially if a hospital bed must be placed in the living room when bedrooms are upstairs. Hospital beds are required by hospice to facilitate easier brief changes, medication administration and bed baths. Memory Care looks like a nice home but it's really more of a medical facility which your home is not. Folks tend to think dementia is no big deal, it's just memory loss, until they realize a person is non functioning w/o a short term memory. They forget they must use a toilet and pull their pants down to defecate on the floor. Or have major blowouts that the loved ones wind up cleaning up. My mother would roll around in her wheelchair all day in her Memory Care bldg looking for all her dead relatives I "hid in the closets". All I had to do was call her in house doctor and ask for Ativan to be prescribed to help calm her down.
We have a thread going on here now where a daughter is asking how to clean the feces off of her father's genitals after a bathroom visit. The bathroom is too small for a bidet attachment to be fitted onto the toilet. Others always ask how to prevent the loved one from clogging the toilet all the time using too much toilet paper and causing huge plumbing bills. You accompany the elder to the bathroom each time they go....even during the night, that's how.
One thing I believe people don’t think about enough is how will home care work when the loved one gets worse? Things that are workable now might not be in 6 months. My friend’s mother lives in her own home but is a 45 minute drive away in an isolated area. The mother is quickly becoming worse, messing up her meds no matter wha prep is done . Friend is having to make that drive every morning before work to check on mother. She wants mother to move to our town. She and mother consider buying a house together. I reminded friend what happens when they do that, and in short order mother ends up needing 24/7 supervision. I’ve asked her to look at our local ALF that also has memory care. Right now the mom is mobile, can cook (!) and hygiene is good. But for how long.
As the dementia progresses, the person will require constant supervision. They will forget how to do ordinary things and may do something that is dangerous.
Be prepared to get a walker, and/or a wheelchair when they show signs of being weak, unstable or unbalanced while walking.
Be sure to have a healthy sense of humor! You'll need it. And, don't be sensitive when the person with dementia says something that sounds insulting or hurtful. They can't help it. They have no filter, and they are becoming scared, vulnerable, and frustrated with the changes in their life. They will express and vent their frustration. Remember that you can't fix everything. But you can try and re-direct their attention to something more positive. You can listen with empathy. You can try and create bright moments, however small, in each day.
For my husband, I hung a large white board in his bedroom, and I change out seasonal magnetic decorations, or write a sweet note for him. He doesn't eat solid food, only protein smoothies from a paper cup, with a lid and straw. I buy fun, happy colors of the cups, and straws.
Maintain a consistent routine! Some people even keep a whiteboard on the wall with the daily schedule, and point to what is next on the schedule.
Limit excessive stimulus; such as bright lights, excessive noise, too many people, too much activity. The person with dementia is struggling to process everything around them and can quickly become tired or overwhelmed.
Take breaks when you feel emotionally drained or frustrated. Even if just to go outside for a while. Create a nice, comfortable sitting area for yourself when you need to take a break.
Recognize when their care needs are beyond what you can continue to provide. It is ok to place someone in a nursing home. That's why nursing homes exist. Nurses and nurses aides provide 24 hour care, from toileting, transfers, diaper changes, bathing and applying skin care ointments, managing medications, to providing meals, and spoon feeding when needed.
Some excellent answers below. One thing about dementia is that it's unpredictable. So no matter how well you think everything is prepared, thing are still likely to happen at home that you are not prepared for. A memory care facility and its staff has the proper preparations.
An important criterion that ‘must be met for our home to be safe and healthy’ – ‘medically, physically and emotionally’ - is that the carer/s must stay sane and healthy. ‘Our loved one with dementia’ is the biggest risk to the carer, and the hardest to control. Don’t just focus on the building!
Honestly, it depends how mobile the senior is IMO. With my very mobile mom, the hospital assumed she would be safe at home, but she was not. Within 12 hours of being released from the hospital mom was violent to the point police in at least three counties were involved. You will need a lot of security measures so your mom does not escape while confused. If your mom is bedridden, that means someone needs to be able to transfer, bathe, and turn the patient as needed. With my dad (in a nursing home) the turning was every 3 hours, round the clock for 2 years. He was a very big man (tall farmer with big muscles) so transferring was very difficult. The facility used a lift machine every day to move him to his recliner and as needed to his bath chair.
Good points about the person still being mobile. In my long experience in caregiving, when someone's mind is gone but there body is strong and they're still mobile, it's a lot harder to take care of them. You don't have to watch them every second if you have them in a chair watching tv or something. They're not getting up and wandering all night long. I much preferred cases were the demented person couldn't get up on their own. Sure, the cleaning up is harder, but it's worth the trade off as far as I'm concerned.
When someone is out of it with dementia but still able to get around, I think the best bet and safest bet is to put them in memory care.
JustAnon, you make a good point. Someone who is still very mobile, but with dementia, has very different requirements than someone who is bed-bound. With the mobile person, you could have violent outbursts, they could create a hazard using the stove, or leaving the water running, they could wander outside and become lost, or they could simply fall and injure themselves. Thankfully, with the bedbound person (as my husband is), there is none of that. But, a whole new set of problems (or requirements), as you say, bathing, changing diapers, transfers, turning position. If they can't use the tv remote, then be prepared to be the channel changer - constantly! And often, because they're brain is confused, you can meet with resistance. My husband is totally non-cooperative. He fights me on everything I do. It's a lot! I can't get help. CNA's quit. He's been kicked out of 2 nursing homes. They don't want to do it because he's difficult. Don't I know it! But, someone has to. So, it falls on me. I fight to keep him clean every day. I'm so thankful he's unable to walk though. I can't imagine what trouble he would get into if he was mobile! At least I know I can go to the store, and he'll still be safe and sound in his bed where I left him.
Ask the doctor to prescribe some mild sedation and/or anti-anxiety medication for your husband that will make him a whole lot calmer and will cut back on his ability to be combative and fight with you on everything. Don't even tell him he's being medicated. Dose his food and drinks. Then you can get some homecare to come and help out. Also, you don't have to go running in every five minutes to change the channel on the tv. He will get used to you not coming in every five minutes. Dementia reduces a person back into being a baby and sometimes you have to let the baby squawk and cry a little. It's good for them. Let him yell and squawk for a while, but don't go to him. He'll get used to it and it will save your sanity.
Look at a few caregiver websites like care.com and others and put up a profile. Explain exactly what you need or your husband and be totally honest about it. You need an old-school CNA like myself who knows how to get the job done with argumentative, non-cooperative, combative dementia clients.
Please once again, I cannot stress to you how much getting him medicated can help in these kinds of situations.
All dementia cases are different. Some people are wanderers and get lost. Others may be more passive and won't go out without someone with them. When my mother got advanced dementia and moved to a memory care unit in her senior residence, they told us to get rid of all sharp objects (scissors, knives, etc.). Or you could keep them in a locked drawer. It's probably best that she not go in the kitchen. My mother put inappropriate things in the microwave and loved one shouldn't be able to turn on the stove. My mother was a wanderer and would go outside on adventures and get lost. In memory care, they put a tracker on her that set off an alarm if she got near the outside door. Learn as much about the symptoms of dementia as possible so that you know what can be expected, but these things may or may not occur. My mother declined to where she could no longer walk and had to be transferred from her bed to a wheel chair by 2 people. She also couldn't feed herself at the end and had to be fed. She needed to be in a place with 24/7 care at the end. Prior to that, she wasn't swallowing properly and had to have only soft foods. Some people need thickened drinks. Medicare will pay for durable medical equipment like wheel chairs, but they need to be prescribed by a nurse or doctor. In a facility, they take care of all of this.
You need a gazillion dollars so that you can hire a staff of people to take care of this person 24/7 so you don’t have to. Physical therapists, dietitians, nurses, etc.
This isn’t a sarcastic post. In the very least, you need to pay 3 people to each take an 8 hour shift.
All advice here is excellent... I just used to tell family members to"baby proof"their home for their loved ones with dementia. In other words you want to make sure that anything breakable, anything that they can get hurt with, anywhere that they can fall... Including stairs, shower, etc be safe. Get rid of all your throw rugs because they are a trip hazard. A person with dementia can be very determined to try to break out of the house or break into somewhere that is unsafe for them. If this is someone with early dementia the time to do this is now. It makes me sad to be so adamant about this message but when I was a caregiver, many times the family didn't take me seriously when they were there on the weekend without a caregiver. There were Falls down the stairs, Falls in the bathroom, family members thinking that using a walker wasn't necessary etc. Please remember that this is something progressive ....do everything and anything you can to learn as much about dementia and keeping your loved ones safe.
My family member is home and we have had to make adjustments. We do not have carpets or throw rugs on the floors. We have bathroom bars to help my family member sit down and get up from the toilet. We installed an extra bannister so that they can hold railings with their right and left hand going up and down the stairs. We have snacks and waters bottles near by so that they do not have get up for drinks. We have walkers on both floors. Anything that is small and dangerous gets taken away so that that they do not ingest it. All medicines are away, again, so that they do not think it is drink or food. Clothes are easily accessible so that they can grab a shirt or sweater if need be. Signage is on the walls that says if the room is or is not the bathroom and that "Bathroom is Here." On some doors locks are removed so that the family member does not get locked in or locks are installed so that the family member does not go into that room.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Taking in someone with Dementia is a big job. Its very unpredictable. The person cannot be reasoned with. My Mom did much better in Assisted Living.
Read posts on this forum to learn the many ways taking in a person with dementia can disrupt a household. Read a lot of them. Do not think that you and your family are different and that the bad things won't happen to you. Some version of "bad " almost always happens.
I took care of both of my parents who had dementia at their home, and now it's my husband. Second verse same as the first - but this time, dear husband moved to memory care. It was the best decision I could have made. He has friends there, the aides are wonderful, and I am again his wife, not just the mean caregiver who made him take showers and took away the 14" butcher knife he'd hidden under the couch cover.
Go look at some MCs ASAP before you install railings in your hallways and modify the shower that your loved one will refuse to use no matter what you do. I wish you luck in finding the best way to care for your loved one.
We have a thread going on here now where a daughter is asking how to clean the feces off of her father's genitals after a bathroom visit. The bathroom is too small for a bidet attachment to be fitted onto the toilet. Others always ask how to prevent the loved one from clogging the toilet all the time using too much toilet paper and causing huge plumbing bills. You accompany the elder to the bathroom each time they go....even during the night, that's how.
Read the forum. It's quite enlightening.
Best of luck to you.
Be prepared to get a walker, and/or a wheelchair when they show signs of being weak, unstable or unbalanced while walking.
Be sure to have a healthy sense of humor! You'll need it. And, don't be sensitive when the person with dementia says something that sounds insulting or hurtful. They can't help it. They have no filter, and they are becoming scared, vulnerable, and frustrated with the changes in their life. They will express and vent their frustration. Remember that you can't fix everything. But you can try and re-direct their attention to something more positive. You can listen with empathy. You can try and create bright moments, however small, in each day.
For my husband, I hung a large white board in his bedroom, and I change out seasonal magnetic decorations, or write a sweet note for him. He doesn't eat solid food, only protein smoothies from a paper cup, with a lid and straw. I buy fun, happy colors of the cups, and straws.
Maintain a consistent routine! Some people even keep a whiteboard on the wall with the daily schedule, and point to what is next on the schedule.
Limit excessive stimulus; such as bright lights, excessive noise, too many people, too much activity. The person with dementia is struggling to process everything around them and can quickly become tired or overwhelmed.
Take breaks when you feel emotionally drained or frustrated. Even if just to go outside for a while. Create a nice, comfortable sitting area for yourself when you need to take a break.
Recognize when their care needs are beyond what you can continue to provide. It is ok to place someone in a nursing home. That's why nursing homes exist. Nurses and nurses aides provide 24 hour care, from toileting, transfers, diaper changes, bathing and applying skin care ointments, managing medications, to providing meals, and spoon feeding when needed.
Good points about the person still being mobile. In my long experience in caregiving, when someone's mind is gone but there body is strong and they're still mobile, it's a lot harder to take care of them. You don't have to watch them every second if you have them in a chair watching tv or something. They're not getting up and wandering all night long. I much preferred cases were the demented person couldn't get up on their own. Sure, the cleaning up is harder, but it's worth the trade off as far as I'm concerned.
When someone is out of it with dementia but still able to get around, I think the best bet and safest bet is to put them in memory care.
Someone who is still very mobile, but with dementia, has very different requirements than someone who is bed-bound. With the mobile person, you could have violent outbursts, they could create a hazard using the stove, or leaving the water running, they could wander outside and become lost, or they could simply fall and injure themselves.
Thankfully, with the bedbound person (as my husband is), there is none of that.
But, a whole new set of problems (or requirements), as you say, bathing, changing diapers, transfers, turning position. If they can't use the tv remote, then be prepared to be the channel changer - constantly! And often, because they're brain is confused, you can meet with resistance. My husband is totally non-cooperative. He fights me on everything I do. It's a lot! I can't get help. CNA's quit. He's been kicked out of 2 nursing homes. They don't want to do it because he's difficult. Don't I know it! But, someone has to. So, it falls on me. I fight to keep him clean every day. I'm so thankful he's unable to walk though. I can't imagine what trouble he would get into if he was mobile! At least I know I can go to the store, and he'll still be safe and sound in his bed where I left him.
Ask the doctor to prescribe some mild sedation and/or anti-anxiety medication for your husband that will make him a whole lot calmer and will cut back on his ability to be combative and fight with you on everything. Don't even tell him he's being medicated. Dose his food and drinks. Then you can get some homecare to come and help out. Also, you don't have to go running in every five minutes to change the channel on the tv. He will get used to you not coming in every five minutes. Dementia reduces a person back into being a baby and sometimes you have to let the baby squawk and cry a little. It's good for them. Let him yell and squawk for a while, but don't go to him. He'll get used to it and it will save your sanity.
Look at a few caregiver websites like care.com and others and put up a profile. Explain exactly what you need or your husband and be totally honest about it. You need an old-school CNA like myself who knows how to get the job done with argumentative, non-cooperative, combative dementia clients.
Please once again, I cannot stress to you how much getting him medicated can help in these kinds of situations.
How does that work in most houses built later than about 1970? Or any house with the kitchen open to the rest of the house. No door.
This isn’t a sarcastic post. In the very least, you need to pay 3 people to each take an 8 hour shift.
I don’t know what stage of dementia she is in.
It makes me sad to be so adamant about this message but when I was a caregiver, many times the family didn't take me seriously when they were there on the weekend without a caregiver. There were Falls down the stairs, Falls in the bathroom, family members thinking that using a walker wasn't necessary etc. Please remember that this is something progressive ....do everything and anything you can to learn as much about dementia and keeping your loved ones safe.