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About 4 years ago my dad had an accident that left him a quadriplegic and i agreed to help my mom. He is no longer in our lives due to his choice and some family nonsense. Mom has back pain and lives on her own. I have my own health issues. I chose not to have children due to my health issues and now i feel like i have been given a 72 year old child. She lacks education...my dad did everything for her during their marriage. She now expects that from me and I am not cut out for this. It seems like as much as i do help she wants/expects more. We have been arguing nonstop lately and i dont like who i have become...She only speaks to one of my siblings and that is maybe 2x a month but feels the need to constantly call me during the day to complain about her pain -- now mind you i suffer from chronic Rheumatoid Arthritis. It doesnt matter how many times i explain that i cannot take the stress of her she still is so very selfish. She is jealous of the fact that I have dogs and take care of them. She constantly insinuates that we should live together (not in this lifetime) and will throw stuff she has done for me in my face if I do not do as she says. She is under the care of a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety so i thinkg i may need to bring this up at her next appoint. I realize she is lonely but i cannot be expected to give up what life i have for her. Any ideas would be helpful

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FF, a doctor, educated, did not know how to write a check. I do believe that, since I worked for doctors.
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JJ48, when it comes to finance, how much education one has doesn't indicate if they can learn or not. I remember decades ago when our family doctor's wife had passed on, he didn't even know how to write a check as his late wife did all the finances. So my Mom took time teaching him how to use a checkbook, how to write a check, and how to balance the checkbook... it wasn't easy, but eventually he figured it all out.
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She did not get out of 3rd or 4th grade (she is from the backwoods of Kentucky) and my father did nothing to assist her in learning on how to be independent of him as he said he would be around to care for her...She can cook clean and what not but i take care of the financials of her bills. At this point she has made it evident she has no interest in learning as all i get is "I cant" from her.
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The way I see it, Caregiver can have many meanings but the basic one is overlooking the care of another. One can be hands-on and/or logistic. I am the logistic one because I am a senior myself and cannot physically care for two grown adults in their 90's. If I had to do hands-on, my parents would outlive me, and I don't think that was their master plan for me.

Your Mom is just a couple years older than I am. You mentioned your Mom lacks education, does that mean she never finished school or does that means she isn't capable of learning due to a learning disability?

If she never finished school, doesn't she have street smarts where you learn about life as you go along? She should be able to care for herself. Whatever you do, don't enable her otherwise she will be on your coat-tails. Limit the number of calls.

Learn to say "sorry, I can't possibly do that" over and over until it sounds right when you say it. Now use those words with your Mom. She might surprise you and start fending for herself :)
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