She murmurs and complains about everything in her environment. Food, location, nothing to do, etc. The caretaker attempts as I do to take her out for a cruise in her mobility cart and sit on the balcony to the apartment. But she has this spirit of complaining and it is getting to me because my mother was mostly a cheerful person. Nothing pleases her and we get into arguments about it. I don't want to be around it; and feel like she is going to push me out to separate living quarters. My fear is that she will start doing the same with caretakers. I'm at the point of putting her in a nursing home.

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My mom does this as well-especially when she's low in her 'vitamin health'-her medications create vitamin deficiencies-
Vitamin d
Vitamin b12

Low 'brain sugars' are the key to mood-

Doctors can not measure the brains level of sugars-
She may need to eat more often -and include alot of fruit-

Low brain sugars create a wild -worried -mind-

As far as my mother's repetitive insecurities-I've learned to walk away, look away, or wear my tv headphones.(i use distraction techniques away from the conversation to keep my own sanity -and to help her retrain her negative patterns)
I stay out of her direct line of view until pill or meal/changing time etc. And keep her on a schedule as not to rag me out-or rag on me anytime she wants to.

Sounds mean, but I have a camera -and keep very good care of her-

I do everything for her-
Ive had to learn not to be overwhelmed by guilt-and watch my own health-
Especially my mental health-
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As my mother aged and dementia took over, it really ramped up her negativity and paranoia. When she was in one of those moods, I never hung on her every word, or did I try to talk her out of it. Those were the days my nursing home visits were short. I was not responsible for her negativity or what caused it. There was nothing I could do about it. My mother was the sort who wasn’t happy unless she was unhappy.

I like the idea of the headphones. Find a happy place to go to in your mind, or even physically when she starts. Don’t take on the responsibility for fixing her life. You just can’t.
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Is she currently on any antidepressants? If not, why not? My MIL's mood has done a 180º since her LTC facility found the one that works best for her. It's not immoral or unethical to treat her depression with medication, just the opposite! It's very common in the elderly, especially ones with dementia. Why make her remaining years more miserable (and yours) by not at least trying this solution? What's the worst that can happen? Give it a try, if you haven't already.

Also, has she been checked for a UTI? They often can create dementia-like symptoms or worsen dementia but can be treated with antibiotics. They are very very common in the elderly and you mom may not be cognitively processing her symptoms to where she can express them to you or understand what is going on with her body. I would start with a doctor's appt to check for UTI, cognitive assessment and discussion about her depression.

I see in your profile that your mom has a fear of NHs. Don't let this drive your decisions to take care of yourself. Often the elderly have fears for no rational reason except of the unknown and change. Don't get to the point of burnout or worsened health. If something happens to you medically, who will take care of your mom then?
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