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My mom is 59 and currently lives alone. She is fully disabled and lives off of a disability check that barely covers her bills. We've gone through her bills and she is now bare bones bills wise, but still runs out of money each month. She has a condition that affects her brain function and has largely taken care of it in the past but this last year it has gotten bad enough that she has wrecked her car twice, got eviction notices for forgetting to pay rent, had her electric shut off and more.


She can't handle her own finances, take care of her apartment or health and is constantly depressed. She hides things from me because she is embarrassed or afraid of what will happen.


How can I make sure her finances are handled, she has groceries and she is taking care of her health? She can't move in with me, my wife and I are both full time students and work and we are only in our mid twenties. On top of that, my wife is a nurse and it is 100% not fair to ask my wife to come home from a 13 hr shift and help take care of someone. Not to mention we live in the second story and my mom can barely get up stairs.


I'm starting to get extremely worried and overwhelmed with this and don't know what to do. It's interfering with my school, work, etc.

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So sorry to hear this about your mother. If she is on Medicaid then why not consider placing her in a group home where she can be supported and guided? If she is not on Medicaid I would have her apply.

She could easily live for another 25 years so I would consider my options now, this situation may go on for years and years, and, you are entitled to a life, you are too young to be saddled with this burden.

Sending support your way, keep posting it will help.
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Hi Mk, I’m very sorry about your Mom and also the stress this has put on you. Are you POA for your Mom? If not, maybe time to consider. I would also go to a dr appt with her to get current evaluation done to rule out anything new going on such as UTI mentioned by another post. Has your Mom been evaluated by a neurologist? If not, I would get this done with an MRI as well for baseline. I suggest these things so you have as clear a picture as possible as to her condition. Do you or does your Mom have any other family or friends that you can pool for some help? Maybe you can contact Councel on Aging as often there are volunteers that can assist. They also might be able to direct you to resources that you are not aware of. Social workers through medical community should know of any assistance your Mom is eligible to receive due to her condition and low income. I know of an elderly man who is on Medicare that has 2 hours of care per day at almost no out of pocket cost. Maybe it’s time for your Mom to no longer drive so that could free up some additional funds. Also not sure but maybe your Mom would benefit from living in a group home with others is similar circumstances. Again so sorry. I’m your Moms age caring for my Mom with dementia. I could not imagine worrying about these issues when I was in my mid twenties. You will receive a lot of advice on this forum and a lot of emotional support as well. I hope something I’ve said helps you. Good luck on this difficult journey and remember you are not alone.
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Is your mom on Medicaid? When you say "she is afraid of what will happen", do you mean she doesn't want to go into a care community? I really don't see another choice if you and your wife aren't able to orbit around her increasing needs. At 59, she may require many many years of care. In a care community she will have social interaction and get the care she needs, she can afford it as a Medicaid recipient, and you will have peace of mind. If she is becoming more forgetful she may have a UTI so please check her for that, it can cause confusion and other mental symptoms but is cured with antibiotics. I hope you can help her find a solution she can live with.
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