What can I do legally about Mom needing care and refusing?

Your mother needs more assistance than you can offer. Seven years is far too long for her to make any amendments now. Don't expect her to do so. You should be more concerned about your own health since it's obvious that she doesn't care about her own. You could call the elder case worker in her town.

I am so sorry for your loss of both your siblings. And then a world pandemic hit. It must have felt like you & your Mom were shipwreaked together & only had each other left to lean on.

I wanted to say you are not the only one who has stepped in to help but found the needs were too deep - bottomless even. You've found yourself living your Mother's life but at 60 you have hopefully many decades to enjoy!

I know nothing about legal matters but am trying to learn so for 'fun' I have been reading my states Guardianship cases. They are available online (no names). Many many cases of elders wanting to remain in their home but unable to cope. Seemed mostly, the medical professional opinions held great weight. The court wants *least restrictive measure* first so evidence of this was sought. Eg if unable to cook/use bathroom unaided then home care was trialed. If this was refused/ they were locked out/the service quit due to unsafe working conditions, then an application for Guardionship was sought. Sometimes a concerned relative was the applicant, sometimes a hospital or nursing home. Neuro assessments were a requirement.

Has Mom had a recent medical assessment at all? Does her Doctor know her level of function?

She is never going to improve. There is nothing you can do for her now. You have done so much already. She needs to be in a place that will care for her. You are burning out and you need a rescue. Your life is important. You have done all you can. It is sad. She is lucky to have a daughter to have cared so much. Please don't wait too long to get her to a safe place.

It sounds as though you will need now to get guardianship (Elder Law Attorney) and get Mom placed in care of some kind that is protective for her.

Can I ask? How was Mom looking after herself before you arrived?

Was one of your siblings living with her or close by for daily help?

Or was she alone but now that you've seen up close what's going on, your conscience says you can't leave her this way?

"My 2 brothers did take care of her. She was also walking at that time".

Last year she had two carers & could walk. This year, a temporary carer (you) & she can't walk. That's a big change.

*Mother can't look after herself*. That's the problem.

I would book that Doctor (who she lets in) for a home visit. Let the Doctor see her in her own environment. Explain her problem - note *Mother's problem*. Explain you live in Wisconsin. That you are with your Mother TEMPORARILY & will be returning home. Go from there.

What would Mother prefer - a nursing home in Illinois or Wisconsin near you?

LauraLe, I do wish you luck! But you have a plan now. Sometimes that is the biggest problem, finding the right direction. Be prepared to deflect any blame headed your way - like you did with the guilt - well done with that! It's not your fault Mother needs a facility. Blame old age instead. Tell Mom to try to make the best of it. To stay as social & active as she can & she'll be fine 👍.

My mother is in a similar situation as your mom. My mom lives alone, almost 96 years old, can barely walk. But she can microwave her meals, she can take her meds, she can pay her own bills. But she won’t bathe or wash her hair. She hasn’t done either since November.She doesn’t want any help. I tried calling APS, they told me since she is competent there is nothing they can do. They can’t make her go to a facility and they can’t make her have caregivers come to her hoarded home. So we wait. We wait for a crisis to happen. APS told me to call them back if she couldn’t walk and couldn’t get to the bathroom and couldn’t make her own meals. Your mother can’t do those things so call APS.

I hope you left her with a live in caregiver that is trustworthy?

Many things someone with dementia make no sense & they won’t remember what they said 5 min later. My mother just told me I’m old enough to move out...(Im 60) ..I told her my job now is taking care of you...she said she can take care of herself..( she can’t walk or stand, incontinent, & don’t remember her or my name at times...& she sometimes gets violent).
Hugs 🤗

Good luck to you laurale and do call a APS. Let us know how everything goes. Give us an update after you call APS.