He has what I call an outside personality for strangers! He convinces them including his doctors that he is such a good, honest person and I am the overpowering person! His psychiatrist said, "You can't work with liars!" and hung up when I told her that he hasn't taken anything for weeks! He always blames me for everything! He has lost three doctors now! I read the notes on the one doctor's portal and he said that I was the one that supplied the answers and he didn't know who to believe! After that visit I would pin a note to him with what he wasn't doing! His last note said he is still driving and not taking his meds! His notes said again he wasn't sure who to believe! I answered him, well he totaled my car and it was his fault so do you believe me now? Every doctor says divorce him! No one wants to be his POA! He can't be trusted out there on his own! It's easy for them to say!
Divorce him.
This sounds, to be honest, quite CRAZY to me.
Either you husband has a diagnosis of Dementia, or he doesn't.
If he DOES have a diagnosis of Dementia, why would he be in a psychiatrists office with that shrink saying he doesn't know who to believe?
Most shrinks are at least smart enough to know to believe the person WITHOUT DEMENTIA diagnosis.
Pinning notes on a well man sounds a little squirrely, so I am guessing there MUST BE a diagnosis of some sort of Dementia. You wouldn't pin notes on the clothing of a well man. Not without a struggle, anyway!
Simply know that as you exit the home in this divorce proceeding some entity needs to understand that hubby is alone and in need of monitoring. And notes pinned to his clothes.
Truly it sounds like you are literally driving yourself crazy or someone else is doing that for you. I would leave now while the getting's good, because soon enough leaving will be abandonment.
Take the car with you.
Do update us, won't you?
If your husband does not have Dementia, then he has a personality disorder. My MIL lied. We could never believe what she said and sister said she was like this as a child. She too had doctors drop her. There really is no cure because they won't admit they have a problem. So, if Dementia is not involved, you may need to just divorce him as suggested.
I hope you aren’t sued for the car wreck.
You can't work with liars. You can't work with addicts. You can't work with various personality disorders or mental illnesses. The average family member doesn't have the training to take care of them. Yet on this site we see people who keep trying. I honestly don't know what the answer is. Some years ago in Florida, exasperated overworked family members would drop these sick people off at a motel and drive away, leaving them there. I think they got charged with elder abandonment, so it's not the best idea.
Thus is the state of mental health care in the USA.
There are probably two answers:
1) You still love him. If so, counselling might help to sort out your own head. OR
2) You are fundamentally opposed to divorce. If that’s the case, and your ideas are unshakeable, there are other options to look at with a lawyer:
a) Find out about legal separation. It isn’t divorce, but it separates and clarifies your legal obligations. My own mother chose legal separation when my appalling father carefully stopped just short of violence, and under the old Act she didn’t have grounds for divorce. That lasted 10 years. She divorced when the new Act was passed here, and the judge said that she probably had grounds under the old Act.
b) Go for a financial separation. Then at least his spending and his debts can’t use up all your joint assets.
I would probably add: find a different church!