Hi, my 90 year old dad is living at a pretty nice small foster home because he didn't do really well at a large a large memory care facility. My siblings and I who all live out of the area and my stepmother has complete control over his situation. He broke his hip and after the rehab stay, she did not want him to move back home with her and hire a 24/7 caregiver, as he has basically no short term memory left at all and she was not emotionally able to handle it anymore and was at the end of her rope. That's being nice. We were wondering if anyone know's of a 'senior daycare' type of place he could go in the daytime as he is alone and bored all day. Please let me know as us kids are very very concerned about him. He is in the Palm Desert area of California. I know from experience taking care of my mil how difficult it can be when someone is not ready for a nursing home yet, but well on their way because of dementia
Who is going to pay for it? You and your siblings? Who is going to manage it from long distance?
Aside from these realities, no short term memory means that you Dad is not able to be entertained anymore. He literally doesn't "need" it because he can't retain it. He propably doesn't experience loneliness since he can't hold onto to thoughts and feelings that would create it. Therefore, what's the point? Please consider you and siblings are doing it for your selves (and not in a selfish way). I 100% understand that thinking about him sitting there all day staring into space is painful because we are "projecting" ourselves onto his daily life -- but that's not necessarily what he's experiencing.
Also please understand that the daily break in his routine may now cause him anxiety and disorientation and not the desired effect you want it to have. He can't anticipate excitement to leave the facility because of no memory.
If his wife agrees to it, ok. If she pays for it, ok. If it doesn't upset him, ok. But unless these 3 things align I wouldn't do it.
If he didn’t do well living at a larger place , what makes you think he’d do well at a daycare where most likely he’d be in a large room with many people ?
Does the smaller place he lives in have any other elderly residents as well ? I’m assuming this place is like a board and care home which is like a large regular house with a few elderly residents . Do they do any activities at all ? If so is Dad willing to go to the activities ? Sometimes they prefer to sit in their rooms .
Finally , is it possible that Dad sitting in his room bothers you and your siblings more than it bothers your Dad ?
Even elderly with dementia who used to go to activities will retreat to their rooms as dementia progresses. At this point with no short term memory left , it may be too upsetting for him to go to daycare . Each time he went it would be to him the first time going to an unfamiliar place , which imo is not advised .