What brands of adult diapers do you use?

Make sure they are comfortable for her. Call them pull ups or disposables. Don’t call them diapers. Some elders find that humiliating being treated like a baby.

I also buy depends for my aunt (92 dementia). She’s about 145 in weight but less that 5’ so since she has a large stomach so she needs the large. She uses an overnight poise pad in hers all the time. She has to be reminded to change occasionally. Once or twice she has taken them off and left on her bed or somewhere besides the garbage. They are tied up in a grocery bag and taken to outdoors garbage daily by her aide.
Shes been wearing them a couple of years now. When you start with them, remove all your mom’s regular underwear from her room. Otherwise she will get confused. I knew about this but didn’t remove them and sure enough, multiple pairs of pants and underwear were on the washer one day where she had had several accidents.
She also quit wearing shoes during this time. I decided it was due to having to take them off so often when she changed.
My mother did not like depends. She preferred the Sams brand. The Depends are form fitting. My mother thought they were too snug even with sizes obviously too large for her.
I get the Depends at Costco. Occasionally they can be purchased with a discount. Also check online.
You can sometimes find sample packs at grocery stores so you can try different sizes without having to buy a larger supply.
One last thing, what ever she calls her underwear now, that’s a good thing to call them when you switch over. Don’t call them diapers.

If you Google "continence care products" you will get pages of results for online suppliers, whose sites will introduce you to more options than you would ever have dreamed existed: not just personal hygiene products, but also furniture protection, laundry accessories, skin care, the lot; as well as expert guidance on topics such as fitting, absorbency and patterns of use.

A couple of hours' browsing should be well worth your while, and some manufacturers are happy to send samples so that you can try before you buy.

The more easily available brands like Depends always worked for us, mostly I bought whatever was on sale. I did like Tena for overnight, and I thought Always Discreet were softer and more like underwear.

I've tried pretty much all of them. There's no brand that will keep someone from taking it off and the other problems you describe. Been there. Done that. You can try to make it as comfortable as possible. Try washables made out of cotton. They are more like real underwear. Try to make sure it's not baggy. Even "small" in the US is way too big for my mom. I was able to find XS at CVS, the only place I could find XS. Fits her much better and she doesn't take them off as much because of that.

I too tend to roll my eyes at all the admonitions to never use the word diaper, but if you are having any problems getting her to comply with wearing something many people have advised to simply replace the underwear in her drawer with the pull ups - tell her you've found a new style to try. And try keeping a supply of clean ones and a step on trash can (tell her it's a hamper for her soiled underwear) right beside the toilet for disposal.

OK. Get ready for an answer from a guy!
I am caretaker for my wife with advanced Alzheimer’s. We have tried them all; every major and minor brand name.
In my opinion, the best, by far for strength, absorbency and cost are the Members Mark briefs, both pull-up and tabbed style, from Sam’s. For pad inserts during the day, their long length “Total Protection” pads are hard to beat and are very inexpensive. Much thicker and longer than any others I have found.
When totally incontinent, nothing will hold everything at night, but we use “booster” pads, that are unlined, with the briefs at night. I get the boosters on-line from Northshore Medical. Then, of course, never omit the good washable bed pads as used in the hospital’s for both protection and turning.
Her bed and sheets are ALWAYS dry in the mornings.

I liked Walgreens Serenity. They run bigger in the hip area. I would try to use a coupon and find when it was buy one get the other 50% off.

We used Depends but they were really better for daytime when my mother uses the toilet more. Finally found Wellness which is perfect for at night or when there will be long times between bathroom use. They have a special material which is actually used for astronauts when they have many hours outside the space station and cannot go to the bathroom. Hope this helps!

I just wanted to comment on the diaper/pull-up underwear terms.

While Depends do ‘about’ the same thing as a diaper they are pull-ups. I think most outside of facility settings do use pull-ups for their LO who aren’t bed bound.

I don’t know if you have any literal 5 yr olds in your life, but they very much care what their underwear is called. It’s a rite of passage after all whether one is going up the continence ladder or down. Ask any 5 yr old who wets the bed and has to wear pull-ups.

I have no experience with adult diapers but I do understand they are more absorbent than pull-ups and easier to put on a bed bound person than a pull-up and cheaper. They may be harder for the wearer to get off? Might be a plus? I don’t know.
I know when my mom was confronted with them in a hospital setting after fracturing her back, she cared enough to insist on a bedside commode instead.

We all know that dementia manifests differently but being sensitive to anyone’s feelings of self esteem IMHO is always worth the effort.

Having said all that, it very much might not matter to your mom what you call them. Maybe TMI for you but it was helpful info for me the first time I read it.

Again different strokes and different level of dementia.

now I’ll climb down off my soap box.