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I went on Amazon.com but the reviews for the women’s depends were less than favorable. Is Depends still good to use? What brands do you suggest? My mom started having accidents, she has moderate dementia with delusions and hallucinations and this is my 5th year going through this journey.


She won't listen to me a lot of the time, and can be difficult with hygiene. When she has accidents she will hardly let me clean her up. I fear she will just take the diaper off. I have asthma, so I need to keep the house very clean and not smelly. If not my upper respiratory system starts hurting, I’m trying to stay well to be her caregiver. Right now she throws her underwear in the toilet at different times etc. Not always, she still can use the toilet, but it varies. How do I keep the diapers on when it comes to that time when she no longer can wear underwear? She is about 130-135 pounds so I’m guessing small-medium would work?


Any help will be much appreciated.

My Mom finds the Always don't fit "quite right", but they work well. Glad to see all the suggestions, we will be trying more. Tena seem softer for daytime pads, the others rub and make her sore in the back top area. We call the overnight pants, night time pants. And I can't call her night gown OR pajamas "jammies". For some reason it bugs her. So definitely not calling the overnight pants a diaper :)
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Reply to homealways
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My mom weighs 94 pounds and i use small to med always pullups heavy absorption
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Reply to Jackie5098
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OK. Get ready for an answer from a guy!
I am caretaker for my wife with advanced Alzheimer’s. We have tried them all; every major and minor brand name.
In my opinion, the best, by far for strength, absorbency and cost are the Members Mark briefs, both pull-up and tabbed style, from Sam’s. For pad inserts during the day, their long length “Total Protection” pads are hard to beat and are very inexpensive. Much thicker and longer than any others I have found.
When totally incontinent, nothing will hold everything at night, but we use “booster” pads, that are unlined, with the briefs at night. I get the boosters on-line from Northshore Medical. Then, of course, never omit the good washable bed pads as used in the hospital’s for both protection and turning.
Her bed and sheets are ALWAYS dry in the mornings.
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Reply to BigjimM
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Isthisrealyreal Feb 11, 2019
I absolutely agree BigjimM. My dad was 270# and we never had a leak using members mark brand and compared with the super pricey ones, were much more comfortable to wear, no plastic leg holes to rub you raw.
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FitRight Ultra or Restore are the best!
The only ones that don't leak for my heavy-wetter father.
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Reply to Savitaa
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My mom uses the ones supplied by hospice. She isn't incontinent yet but dribbles and sometimes has diarrhea so I'm thankful that we have the pull ups.
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Reply to Teresa914
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We have found that Willow underwear is the most absorbent. They are pull-ups and look and feel as close to regular underwear as any others.
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cwillie Feb 4, 2019
I checked out Willow online, they look impressive and you can even try them out for free - too bad they are only available in mainland USA.
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Your could always put on a one piece suit such as a a leotard(bike one) that would be hard for her to take off by herself. Also a cotton mechanic like one piece overall that zips or buttons . If she can get that off put It on backwards. Or you can have one made.We use to do this with severely retarded adults that would take off their diapers and make a huge mess. Of course we had to have permission to do this from administration. Hope this helps
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Reply to anonymous879789
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I use pull-ups & diapers for my dad b/c the VA provides them. They also send Depends liners, but they do not seem to absorb moisture. I purchase FEMALE Walmart brand night super absorbent liners. The material they use allows moisture is be absorbed, so it's not left against skin. This helps keep rashes, etc. from occuring. I use pull-ups during the day(when another caregiver may be present) & diapers at night. Get some good washable night pads to help keep bed dry with less work in the morning.
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Reply to dads1caregiver
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My mother was in the hospital recently and complained that she didn't like the Depends they were giving her. She liked Always discreet underwear (it says underwear on the package) and had me go out and buy those. She wears the S/M and I think she's about 130 lbs. She must be double padding, because when I've taken her shopping she buys packages of Always underwear and the Always pads with heavy or extra heavy absorbency.
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Reply to phoenix03
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Most of the brands my Mom has tried are too wide in the crotch area and are not comfortable. She currently wears Covidien brand and they are wide. I'm tempted to try Willow and Discreet to see if I can find one that is a little narrower. She wore Depends at first but then when they used Covidien at rehab after her hip fracture, she decided that was what she wanted. The hunt continues!
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Reply to texasrdr22
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Any daytime diaper will work. I prefer a case from BJ wholesale. the operative word here is 24 hour supervision to make sure she changes at times or to try to remind her to use the toilet. For night time I prefer the Abena brands that are found on Amazon. They can hold much more for overnight. Include putting bedpads on the bed for occasional accidents. Get rid of all underwear and replace disposables in the drawer.
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Reply to MACinCT
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I just wanted to comment on the diaper/pull-up underwear terms.

While Depends do ‘about’ the same thing as a diaper they are pull-ups. I think most outside of facility settings do use pull-ups for their LO who aren’t bed bound.

I don’t know if you have any literal 5 yr olds in your life, but they very much care what their underwear is called. It’s a rite of passage after all whether one is going up the continence ladder or down. Ask any 5 yr old who wets the bed and has to wear pull-ups.

I have no experience with adult diapers but I do understand they are more absorbent than pull-ups and easier to put on a bed bound person than a pull-up and cheaper. They may be harder for the wearer to get off? Might be a plus? I don’t know.
I know when my mom was confronted with them in a hospital setting after fracturing her back, she cared enough to insist on a bedside commode instead.

We all know that dementia manifests differently but being sensitive to anyone’s feelings of self esteem IMHO is always worth the effort.

Having said all that, it very much might not matter to your mom what you call them. Maybe TMI for you but it was helpful info for me the first time I read it.

Again different strokes and different level of dementia.

now I’ll climb down off my soap box.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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We used Depends but they were really better for daytime when my mother uses the toilet more. Finally found Wellness which is perfect for at night or when there will be long times between bathroom use. They have a special material which is actually used for astronauts when they have many hours outside the space station and cannot go to the bathroom. Hope this helps!
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Reply to Enshope
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I too tend to roll my eyes at all the admonitions to never use the word diaper, but if you are having any problems getting her to comply with wearing something many people have advised to simply replace the underwear in her drawer with the pull ups - tell her you've found a new style to try. And try keeping a supply of clean ones and a step on trash can (tell her it's a hamper for her soiled underwear) right beside the toilet for disposal.
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Reply to cwillie
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Those bed pads are fantastic. We have those in addition to waterproof sheets. My moms is small frame she uses depends. We have a recurring order for Amazon monthly and they are shipped out to us. I agree remove the underwear and just go to these. They are her pull up pads. Good luck.
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Reply to Choupette
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Small to med will work but my graminlaw likes to wear undies during the day and (assura1nce aka Walmart brand) diapers at night and yes I would find said diapers in odd places but never the toilet but u have to b vigilant
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Reply to INEEDALIFE80
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Make sure they are comfortable for her. Call them pull ups or disposables. Don’t call them diapers. Some elders find that humiliating being treated like a baby.
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Reply to UsedupDIL
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Nicene Feb 1, 2019
My mom is way past being offended or humiliated by the word diaper. She doesn’t know who I am nor what a diaper means. My mom is operating on the level of a 5-year-old, and has deteriorated into a baby, I’m not going to sugar coat it. Using a different word for something doesn’t change its context.

I will make sure she is comfortable.
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I liked Walgreens Serenity. They run bigger in the hip area. I would try to use a coupon and find when it was buy one get the other 50% off.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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needtowashhair Jan 31, 2019
If you are a CVS reward member, you should have a 50% off(up to $5) coupon right now. It was 40% off, no limit that I remember, last week. They have a weekly coupon. A few weeks ago it was $10 off period.
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I've tried pretty much all of them. There's no brand that will keep someone from taking it off and the other problems you describe. Been there. Done that. You can try to make it as comfortable as possible. Try washables made out of cotton. They are more like real underwear. Try to make sure it's not baggy. Even "small" in the US is way too big for my mom. I was able to find XS at CVS, the only place I could find XS. Fits her much better and she doesn't take them off as much because of that.
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Reply to needtowashhair
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Nicene Feb 1, 2019
Thank you, I researched and found a link for anti-strip clothing for dementia.

https://www.silverts.com/alzheimers-clothing/
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The more easily available brands like Depends always worked for us, mostly I bought whatever was on sale. I did like Tena for overnight, and I thought Always Discreet were softer and more like underwear.
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Reply to cwillie
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Nicene Feb 1, 2019
Thank you, I will look into Tena as she progresses into full incontinence. Yes, I had Always Discreet in my Amazon lists for two years before she started showing signs, so good to hear it's a good brand to consider.
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I prefer the Tena brand pull-ups for my mom. She weighs about 150, and she used to be about 5'5" when she could stand up straighter, but most of her weight is in her hips and legs so a large works well for her. Tena makes a few kinds and I get both the daytime and the night time ones. The night ones are wider in the back and they really do work better at night, but not as well in the day. None of the stores in my town sell them, so I buy them through Subscribe and Save on Amazon and I think it's a pretty good deal. Maybe around .50 each?

Honestly I would just try several brands and see what works best for you. Depends and Always didn't fit her well. The Walmart brand, Assurance is okay. It's comfortable, but it doesn't hold as much so it needs to be changed more often.
Like Countrymouse said, looking online for suppliers is a great idea. I got several free sample from Betty Mills. I didn't end up ordering any, because for my needs they weren't worth it.

Best of luck with the dementia! So far we've been pretty fortunate in that my mom is pretty lucid except when she has an infection. Then all bets are off.
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Reply to Jnwitt
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Nicene Feb 1, 2019
Thank you, I appreciate all your information, another mention for Tena. I like that I can have it shipped to me from Amazon. I’m too tired to drive around looking for things as I’m the sole caregiver and having things shipped to me is better.

It’s a blessing to have a mom that is lucid with dementia. My mom went straight into delusions, talking to herself and hallucinations right away. She truly is in her own world. This makes dementia even more difficult. But I’m blessed so far that she can still walk, she can eat real food with a fork. So I don’t have to purée anything yet. She stop wandering and doesn’t have Sundowns anymore. That was a huge issue. She has settled down quite a bit from 3 years ago. I use music therapy and make sure the window shade is up so she gets sunlight. This makes her sleep through the night so far. But she does get agitated sometimes. I just wish I could have my old mom back and this nightmare never happened, but I know that will never be and she is slowly progressing into the final journey... good luck to you and your mom too. Thanks for the kind words.
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If you Google "continence care products" you will get pages of results for online suppliers, whose sites will introduce you to more options than you would ever have dreamed existed: not just personal hygiene products, but also furniture protection, laundry accessories, skin care, the lot; as well as expert guidance on topics such as fitting, absorbency and patterns of use.

A couple of hours' browsing should be well worth your while, and some manufacturers are happy to send samples so that you can try before you buy.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Nicene Feb 1, 2019
Thank you, I’m already on it. But it doesn’t hurt to get opinions from others going through the same thing. It makes for a better search.
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I also buy depends for my aunt (92 dementia). She’s about 145 in weight but less that 5’ so since she has a large stomach so she needs the large. She uses an overnight poise pad in hers all the time. She has to be reminded to change occasionally. Once or twice she has taken them off and left on her bed or somewhere besides the garbage. They are tied up in a grocery bag and taken to outdoors garbage daily by her aide.
Shes been wearing them a couple of years now. When you start with them, remove all your mom’s regular underwear from her room. Otherwise she will get confused. I knew about this but didn’t remove them and sure enough, multiple pairs of pants and underwear were on the washer one day where she had had several accidents.
She also quit wearing shoes during this time. I decided it was due to having to take them off so often when she changed.
My mother did not like depends. She preferred the Sams brand. The Depends are form fitting. My mother thought they were too snug even with sizes obviously too large for her.
I get the Depends at Costco. Occasionally they can be purchased with a discount. Also check online.
You can sometimes find sample packs at grocery stores so you can try different sizes without having to buy a larger supply.
One last thing, what ever she calls her underwear now, that’s a good thing to call them when you switch over. Don’t call them diapers.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Nicene Feb 1, 2019
Thank you for the reply.
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I used Depends with my Mom and we didn't have any problems with them and Mother wore them the last 10 years of her life everyday.At bedtime some nights,I would put 2 on her for the leaking,but she was always comfortable and never complained about them and what she really liked at first was how they pulled up and down just like regular undies.I liked that there were tabs on the sides when I needed to rip them off in the mornings.Depends were fine for us and I hope you find some that work for you all too.A small medium for your Mom sounds about right too.Take good care~
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Reply to luckylu
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Nicene Feb 1, 2019
Thank you for the response, very much appreciated. Nice to know they were comfortable, and the tabs would come in handy for easier clean-up.

Again, thanks everyone for your replies it helped me out a lot before it starts to get bad, I will be more prepared. I already brought some bed pads and other linen a year ago.
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