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Pay for my own care with the life insurance my late husband left. I have kids and I absolutely will not burden them. They already helped me with their Dad and saw things no kid should see.
I own my own condo w/o a mortgage (paid off in 2016). I have some long-term care insurance. No other debt at all and a car that should last at least another 4 year. I'lm fortunate to live in a walkable neighborhood and don't need to drive that often. I deferred Social Security until age 70 and receive two pensions, w/a current retirement income of $65.2K this year. I also have about $550K in a money market account and investments w/two firms. Also have Plan G Medicare supplement, Part D drug plan, and privte standalone vision and dental insurance. I should be fine as long as I don't need long-term care for more than 6-7 years, and most people don't. Oh, my funeral is prepaid as well. Requiem Eucharist at my church, obituaries in two newspapers, honorarium for priest, assisting priest, and organist. Do need to tell my priest my choices for hymns, readings, and lectors, though. My late husband was buried in a funeral plot. My only other expense will be to open the gravesite so the urn that holds my cremains can be buried beside him. Do have health care and financial POA. My advanced directive says, in effect, always pull out all the stops and never authorize a DNR. I've already told my sisters (primary and secondary health care POAs) that I'll haunt them from the afterlife if they do anything to shorten my life by even one second.
My husband and I (mid-50s) began caregiving for his parents in 2022 and it's been an eye-opener about what's needed (they were not at all prepared). I won't go over the same stuff already shared here (GREAT post & lots of great answers!!) but one other angle...
We don't have kids and once his remaining parent is gone, won't have family relationships or local jobs to tie us to current state (MN), plus we're both happy about the idea of downsizing into a single-level home. One thing that's come up over and over on this forum is how state-specific elder care and services are. Between that plus budget considerations, I'm putting effort into "shopping" for where to move.
Looking at cost of living, climate we can tolerate, senior-specific quality of life (i.e., don't care about whether the schools are good but need access to good health care), tax situation, and then how Medicaid is interpreted as far as ability to spend down income, quality/prevalence of AL/NH, etc.
It's possible we'll stay here in MN as it scores high in some areas, not so great in others, but I'm doing the research now so we can make an informed decision.
Moving to Italy to retire where they have better healthcare. My husband is Italian and I have my citizenship, plus we both speak the language. I am ready to leave the mediocre U.S. healthcare system behind!
I would never saddle my daughter with my old age care. Just let me go off in the woods somewhere with my tent, food and some warm clothes.
As for this current political climate, I keep the TV off now. They got me with this desegregation nonsense and I heard of one school having two water fountains. One is for white and one for blacks. It was said that it was some type of history lesson for the kids. The funny part about this is where do the kids of other races drink from? Do they create a third water fountain?
My suggestion is just enjoy life one day at a time. Keep up with doctor's visits and keep a positive attitude.
I just wanna know where the arsenic pill is. I have the will, I’ve made the heirloom designations. I try to stayout of debt. I’ve been a renter all my life so I don’t have assets that many others are referring to. I have made foolish decisions in my life so I’ve got virtually nothing. I’m saving to buy my own place, a mobile home probably, but I’m 63 and have back issues so I don’t know how long I will be able to continue to work. I I am officially learning bookkeeping so I can work with my mind instead of my body, but I’m catching myself being forgetful over simple things which has got me paranoid about pursuing this line of work. I do have a pension, but it’s not enough to cover living expenses to live, by myself. I’m sure that I will need a roommate, and then have the fun of hoping you can trust them not to steal, to be clean, and so forth. I don’t have my funeral arrangements taken care of so that’s something else I have to save for. It’s the most horrible, feeling looking back and seeing where you had your opportunities and you blew it. I’m smart and I blew it anyway. I’ve got no excuses.
No, I don’t want my children to take care of me when I get to the point of feebleness. I was a caregiver for seven year for two people with many health problems, dementia and Parkinson’s and such. As one person said, you never know what the future holds.
I liked what Dr. Laura said “life is what happens while you’re making plans.” We do the best we can and we trust God to be there for us.
And not to get too political, but when you refer to the chainsaw guy and king Donald, they have both said repeatedly there will be no cuts to Medicare or Social Security. That’s all I’ll say. I don’t wanna get any huge arguments with anyone we all have our own opinion. We’re just here on this forum to support each other.
i’m forcing myself to be positive because there’s nothing else I can do. I’m just expressing a little depression and fear here because at least this is a place where you can be honest about your feelings without judgment. And if you were to talk to me to cheer me up, I would get cheered up and I would be happy and I’d be positive and looking forward to the future again after our conversation. but I also know myself that later on, I will find myself back in the same place Worrying about the future. You don’t talk to people face-to-face about stuff like this because they get awkward and don’t know what to say, so you get the “it’ll be OK, you’ll work something out” or maybe get a suggestion here or there, and then they’re looking around for somebody else to talk to that has more pleasant conversation to make. It’s just the way it is.
I guess I’m a little angry too. I’m angry at myself mostly. Change my attitude. Yeah OK that puts money on the table.
I have to ignore all that though, you have to just keep on doing what you can do every day.
Sorry for the downer and thanks for listening. I’ll be more positive tomorrow.
Legal planning is all fabulous but don’t overlook day to day: Update &/or renovate your home to be more user friendly. Like grab bars properly installed in your shower & toilet areas. Have your tub replaced and renovate the wet zone to instead have a no-rise walk in shower that you can sit down in and bathe/shower in. Double shower head. Limit the amount of containers in the shower and lavabo areas. If you have a door to just your toilet area, remove the door.
Better lighting throughout your home and property; have exit paths with some type of dusk to dawn lighting sources both inside the house and the yard. All that crap in upper shelves, get someone to help you get that stuff down, go thru and jettison or gift what you don’t use and only have things you actually use on shelves you can truly reach. If the empty space bothers you visually, then place whatever dust collectors ya can’t part with in the space. Remove rugs or anything else that can slide around when walked upon. Or get really good grippy for your type of flooring rug pads cut to fit
Buy shoes that actually are supportive and non slip for daily wear. Shoes that you 101% all on your own can take off & on.
Take care of your skin! It’s not too late to moisturize every day to protect it.
I have two bathrooms, one w/a shower + a tub. The other has just a shower. Both will easily accommodate the shower chair I now keep in my basement should I need it one day,
All the advice here is super caring and helpful, as always. One other suggestion: Consider getting a medical alert device BEFORE you need it. There are great options these days beyond just those old, ugly pendants. NY Times/Wirecutter just updated their industry review, and they are a great unbiased source. Hope you find this helpful: https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/the-best-medical-alert-systems/
Well, right now I am mentally preparing to not live in a democratic intentioned country any longer ... and hoping to have my social security which is my main / only source of income.
I try to focus on what I can and cannot do.
What I can do ______________________________________
* Stay as PRESENT in real time as much as I am aware to do so (train my brain)
* Be grateful that I am able to walk ... move, exercise
* I am getting ready to go to the gym (that I can still afford)
* For the last 2+ years, I join in / listen to Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Brain functioning/ plasticity expert (he wrote Buddha Brain), and Buddhist scholar Wed nights at 5:45pm Zoom.
* I am protesting in the streets (April 5 - huge national protest) as well as be aware of limiting the amount of 'news' and 'reality' I can handle (I watch Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O'Donnell (MSNBC)
It is the best I can do right now. Future tripping will not serve me nor my mental health / day-to-day functioning / equanimity.
Even if I wanted to move to another country ... if I still have my social security, where would / could I go? Canada would be my preference although that doesn't seem like a possibility now.
In addition to the LTC policy (we bought it at age 50 cheaper the earlier you buy it) we have a will, poa, trust set up for our adult kids , living will , and made sure to include who can access our online accounts and passwords and do not allow feeding tube etc if we have dementia or alzheimers! I've tried to make it as easy as possible on my family. Also have written out funeral wishes. Choose not to prepay the funeral but money set aside for that
As a pretty healthy 74 yr old with one child who lives 12 hrs away…I started planning years ago. I have a will, medical directive and will soon finish my poa paperwork. I set up a legacy box with all important papers in a 3 ring binder. It includes finances, medical, insurances even accounts to close etc. I have downsized my possessions quite a bit. I have labeled estate jewelry as to value. My savings should manage my healthcare needs for 20 years. This is the best I could do..
We don’t plan to count on anyone else to meet our needs in old age. We WILL need a family member or other trusted person to manage/administrate the plans we have made if we are unable.
We have our important legal documents including DPOA, HCPOA, HIPPA designations, living wills and a trust and we periodically update them. We both bought LTC policies to mitigate financial stress and provide financial protection if one of us needs AL or SNF care before the other. Eventually we will probably sell our house and move to a 50+ community or buy into a continuing care facility if we can afford it. We will make our last wishes known including pre-paying for our final resting place (plots only). We are working on getting rid of “stuff” except for things we really like, or need or don’t want to have to buy again. I have four categories: Like, Need, Donate, Trash. We will plan on having DNR orders if very ill or frail. Our goal is to make it easy for our designated person to do what they need to do, have the funding to do it, and not have to make a lot of decisions.
Speaking as an American, all the of the above can go up in smoke if our “leaders” mess with Social Security, Medicare, anti-fraud watch-dog agencies, consumer protections and the economy in general. If those programs and savings are eviscerated, the best planning may be moot.
My plan to move to a senior community include NOT MESSED UP SSA and I am HOPING it is there because it would be my monthly at the facility. But fortunately I have the option to stay in my condo (don’t like nosey, selfish neighbors nor the property mgmt firm) if SSA isn’t as expected (I am holding out til 70).
Am not counting on stepdaughter or her small family but hope they check on me wherever I end up.
I have a cousin I practically raised and she is my backup to check on me.
Waiting a few months to emotions & behavior to settle after husband’s recent death.
1) Exercise safely 2) Healthy meals 3) check BP weekly and BG daily (am pre-diabetic but numbers have been good) 4) Take my calcium/D3 daily (husband’s last month was painful due to vertebrae fractures due to prednisone that relieved lung discomfort…we knew the bone risk but thought men are not as fragile as women (sadly we were wrong) and he opted for breathing comfort 😢 5) Have 1-2 good friends who are really there for you 6) Cut out distractions (fake friends that just TAKE) from your life 7) Reduce the clutter!
There are different kinds of caregiving. You may need someone to help you with your finances (bill paying, taxes, retirement/bank accounts), give you a ride to appointments, advocate for you in the hospital and/or fill your pill container. I have 3 children and they are the ones I would most trust to do these things. Then there is the more hands on caregiving (bathing, help in the bathroom) and dealing with progressing dementia and/or increased medical needs. I would not want my children to have to do this.
My preparations include: - I have been diligent about saving for retirement and for my future care needs. - I have an appointment this Friday with an attorney to discuss planning documents. I plan to name my kids as POA and Executor and back-ups. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have kids. I have 8 siblings but we are not close. - Slowly working to reduce my belongings; hope to progress faster after I retire. - I’ve been looking at listings for 55+ communities to downsize to hoping to find a smaller one story home with no stairs. (I thought about a “Golden Girls” arrangement, but roommates can be tough and there are still stairs, upkeep and maintenance to deal with) After that, it will depend on my physical and mental health.
You could also have a stairlift installed. I have a partially finished basement. Half is for storage (and the cats' litter boxes). The other half has my laptop, printer, a TV (w/the full stream TV package + Max, Netflix, Peacock, and Amazon Prime Video; the TV in the living room also has these, and I can use my tablet to watch all of these in bed as well). There's also a recumbent stationary bike in my spare bedroom. I set the tablet on a TV tray next to it and watch TV while I'm riding it. Should I ever need a stairlift installed, I'll get one to get up and down to my basement, I shouldn't have any problems affording it.
After I fell off a 10 foot rock cliff in Maui last year (and lived), I saw a lawyer and did a Trust. Picked 2 younger, responsible adults (in their 40s) who will outlive me as my Successor Trustees. I'm 71 now and in good shape. But all of us know life can change in a second.
I plan to move to AL eventually, or whatever facility I need when (or if) I become unable to live alone safely. No hesitation. I'm sick of cooking and cleaning!
I have no kids, just 2 sisters and brother left, I've been estranged from for 23 years. One sister (retired RN, 77) I've been communicating with the past 3 years. I attempted reconciliation with the other sister that didn't happen.
My Trust instructs money be given to several great friends who helped me when I was down, unlike my siblings. I refused money, so they stuck cash in my jacket pockets or purse I would find later. Each of those 4 incredible people will get $75K each, for their generosity. They have no idea whatsoever. Surprise, surprise!
Nobody will get stuck with any hands-on caregiving for me, period. AL's recently built near Las Vegas are mini-resorts with total luxury and amenities, as well as affordable on my SS. Both Successor Trustees live in Nevada in Reno and Vegas.
I also plan both a Caribbean and Alaska cruise, in Fall 2025. Plus see a live rocket launch in Texas or Florida when I can arrange it.
DOROT is the Hebrew word for “generations." In 1976, it inspired our founders to engage with their older neighbors. The founders of DOROT, then recent graduates of Columbia University’s social work program, were pioneers in their approach to serving their older neighbors with the ultimate goal of alleviating social isolation.
@ Suzy, I have had a POLST done and hanging in closet for one and one half decades, and updated simply to make current. It is to keep EMT/EMS from doing heroic measures in the State of California. Otherwise, by law, they must attempt to resusictate. I encourage ALL who don't want EMS crushing your chest when you are 80 to consider doing your polst and have it hanging at the ready. They say on the refrig. Mine, my partner knows, is on the inner door of the broom closet. Perfectly legal. No need to be dying.
Some people touch on it, but do your survivors (family or friends) a favor and get your estate in order. We did a living trust, have POA set up with broker, reviewed designated beneficiaries, have medical POA and wills done. Live in an area with good medical. Get relationships set up with as many specialist as you can. I live in Washington DC which has medical aid in dying. I have talked to my doctors about this and made it clear this is a decision I did not take lightly. Live in a condo with no stairs. Grocery store across the street. Good public transportation. Mortgage paid off. Unfortunately I waited too late to get long term care insurance. Talk to whoever has medical power attorney (and make sure you have backups) what you want. As I think everyone here knows, there is not a clear path in terms of care when you start to decline or when/how to actually implement a DNR. There is a better form that in some place is called a "POST" that goes into more depth as to what types of treatment you want.
My understanding is that the Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST) is specifically limited to people who are seriously ill. Hospice prepared a POLST for my dad when he began in-home hospice.
I watched both of my parents decline and die. I am 50 and married with no kids. My parents never had a will or had me down as a POA. They just figured because I am the only child, everything will go to me. I became a court appointed legal guardian.I testified in front of a judge that I was going to be fully responsible for my mom's care. I was under scrutiny because people steal money and commit fraud. Sold my mom's house to pay for her care. Now I am an Administrator of my mom's Estate. I am paying thousands to file inheritance tax. You are charged so many fees for filing anything. Trying to get money from their life insurance policies. I had to pay for my parents out of my pocket and close my savings account. My parents were only in personal care homes for months not years. They were hospitalized for so many times before their hearts gave out. I am very saddened by my parents dying. I don't know when this empty feeling will go away. I am also angry as hell. I tried to get my mom to plan her end of life arrangements a long time ago. I may go before my husband. I have him down as my beneficiary. I am going to try paying off the mortgage. I don't have an Estate plan yet, but I don't want him to be burdened.
I will always be grateful that my step-mom encouraged my dad to update everything to a complete estate plan (they have a pre-nep). He is very frugal and thought having me on his checking account would suffice (it would not have). The biggest thing so far that's helped me the most is the POA. My step-sister has one for her mom as well. Everything from bank account to car title transfers to getting them into long term care, we have been able to do. I have learned from all this that having a wheel chair ramp and grab bars in the bathroom does not mean you are prepared!
As a 32 year old with no kids at the moment, the only real thing I've done is prepare my will, mainly the personal property memorandum. I've listed beneficiaries for various items of mine and provided advice on what to do with various belongings that no friends or family want after I pass away, as well as backup plans for the items designated beneficiaries will get in the event they turn down whatever I plan on giving them.
Should I be childless by the time I get to where I need extra help, I'm not gonna be paranoid like my mom. I'm gonna bring in extra help.
Start preparing for that hefty expense now. Purchase Long-Term Care Insurance so you'll be covered when it's needed. LTCI premiums are not cheap, but worth it. We don’t know what the future has in store for our health. When dx’d with MS at 40, which only worsens over time, I was glad I had purchased LTCI now that I am disabled and require caregiving. I also have a Will, POA, AD, DNR, and have purchased prearrangement needs for my eventual passing.
Very interesting question and responses. I think that having been caregivers for loved ones and witnessing the subsequent helplessness that ensues evokes lots of anxiety as we position ourselves as the "next in line". I don't think it was my parent's intention for us (my husband and I) to perform caregiving duties but my brother has mental health issues and lives in another state so he couldn't help. How could I stand by and watch my parents become less and less able to manage their lives?? We cared for them during their decline and until their deaths. I/we now have multiple docs in place: POA, health care directive (as part of a Trust), DNR, VSED (voluntarily stop eating and drinking), dementia advance directive (form available at Compassion and Choices), and even POLST. We don't have children. We're currently searching for a single story home or a condominium because our current home has too many stairs both inside and outside. We will probably eventually end up in a graduated care living situation. Even so, caregivers are necessary in these places because there isn't enough staff to tend to all of the residents. I hope and pray that we can arrange for that scenario when the time comes. It's extraordinarily expensive. I kind of hope for "My Name Is Trouble"'s scenario...a depressing thought but watching my parent's decline gave me lots of PTSD.
Come down with dementia, Lou Gehrig disease or other horrible way to slowly die: Two bottles of Ambien, a quart of Jack Daniel’s and a lawn chair on a mountain top facing the west.
Be sure you have a DNR in place and distributed to your family, doctors and hospital.
We bought a long term care policy. We've kept our home that has 4br 2 ba . The policy will pay for someone to live with us . We saved enough money to cover any expenses not covered.
Fabulous Question!!!! And one everyone should ask themselves, kids/no kids, siblings/no siblings, etc. I've been the sole caregiver for my disabled husband for over 20 years, also for my "accident waiting to happen older brother" for 25 years, and numerous pets I've spent thousands on trying to save. Prior to all of this for 13 years I cared for my mom around my full-time work schedule.
Put it this way, 9 months ago my brother's last snafu was hospitalization for congestive heart failure and a broken hip. Cardiologist said his heart could give out in days/weeks/months. Hospital Social Worker asked him how he'll care for himself @ home alone, and he said, "I'll Just Die". Guess what, that seldom happens, and as always brother relies on me to help him. Yes, we have some county aides helping me, but I'm doing 80% of the work, plus there's still my husband and my cat with lymphoma and diabetes.
Just want to say to anyone out there who figures "You'll Just Die". Believe me, you or your loved ones probably aren't that lucky, and the "hell" involved with your care kills everyone else along with you. Please follow these great suggestions made on this site regarding planning for yourself. I'm just as guilty of not doing so for myself, but these last 9 months with my brother have proven to me that I need to start getting my affairs in order.
I have CA POA medical set up for two siblings and an extended natural relative. I am the youngest family member, so there’s a chance my two siblings may not outlive me. My middle aged niece lives in TX and the only natural relative to perhaps survive me, hopefully in good health at that time, since most of my natural family besides myself isn’t.
Meanwhile, eat a healthy diet and exercise 150 minutes weekly just as my doctor advises.
I am almost 64, separated from my husband of 40 years, and have two children - so I am kind of "butting in" on this conversation (apologies). However, I didn't see this suggestion: lift weights. I have had back surgery but I hired an expert who works with seniors and back pain IMPROVED. Just walking isn't good enough - I have a dog that's half Jack Russell and half Tasmanian Devil and we walk everywhere!! I sit in front of the TV and do sit-stands, and say to myself "on the pot, off the pot". I work on balance issues so I won't fall and break my hip. Luckily my house is paid for and the lower level has an exit to a patio, and I am planning on widening the bathroom door to accommodate a wheelchair. I have a microwave and refrigerator down there because at one time due to an extended illness (and no one to help me) I was too weak to climb the stairs. That episode scared me enough to invest in muscles once I recovered. There was no one to help me then, because my daughter lives 9 hours away, and my son lives nearby but has small children and an extremely stressful job so I will *never* ask him for help. Invest in your MUSCLES!
I am late 50s/ no kids. I watched and was caring for both my parents as they declined drastically over a five year span until they both passed within a few years of each other. They had planned for nothing and it was a nightmare that I still think I have PTSD from to this day. As an only child with now no remaining family this is a huge concern for me. I do have my will, my DNR, and my POA in place with a friend. I am hoping that family history holds true and that I will be out of this life by the time I’m 78, hopefully sooner. I have no problem taking myself out of this world if I have to. And that’s not a depression issue; just a matter of fact. Once my pets are gone I will feel better because I won’t be worrying about them should I pass while they are alive.I also arranged to have my body donated so no funeral to deal with.
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We are currently training on our bikes as we are going on a river cruise this summer and are taking some biking excursions.
Our next property that we buy or rent will be walking distance to a grocery store, salon, church etc.
We don't have kids and once his remaining parent is gone, won't have family relationships or local jobs to tie us to current state (MN), plus we're both happy about the idea of downsizing into a single-level home. One thing that's come up over and over on this forum is how state-specific elder care and services are. Between that plus budget considerations, I'm putting effort into "shopping" for where to move.
Looking at cost of living, climate we can tolerate, senior-specific quality of life (i.e., don't care about whether the schools are good but need access to good health care), tax situation, and then how Medicaid is interpreted as far as ability to spend down income, quality/prevalence of AL/NH, etc.
It's possible we'll stay here in MN as it scores high in some areas, not so great in others, but I'm doing the research now so we can make an informed decision.
As for this current political climate, I keep the TV off now. They got me with this desegregation nonsense and I heard of one school having two water fountains. One is for white and one for blacks. It was said that it was some type of history lesson for the kids. The funny part about this is where do the kids of other races drink from? Do they create a third water fountain?
My suggestion is just enjoy life one day at a time. Keep up with doctor's visits and keep a positive attitude.
No, I don’t want my children to take care of me when I get to the point of feebleness. I was a caregiver for seven year for two people with many health problems, dementia and Parkinson’s and such. As one person said, you never know what the future holds.
I liked what Dr. Laura said “life is what happens while you’re making plans.” We do the best we can and we trust God to be there for us.
And not to get too political, but when you refer to the chainsaw guy and king Donald, they have both said repeatedly there will be no cuts to Medicare or Social Security. That’s all I’ll say. I don’t wanna get any huge arguments with anyone we all have our own opinion. We’re just here on this forum to support each other.
i’m forcing myself to be positive because there’s nothing else I can do. I’m just expressing a little depression and fear here because at least this is a place where you can be honest about your feelings without judgment. And if you were to talk to me to cheer me up, I would get cheered up and I would be happy and I’d be positive and looking forward to the future again after our conversation. but I also know myself that later on, I will find myself back in the same place Worrying about the future. You don’t talk to people face-to-face about stuff like this because they get awkward and don’t know what to say, so you get the “it’ll be OK, you’ll work something out” or maybe get a suggestion here or there, and then they’re looking around for somebody else to talk to that has more pleasant conversation to make. It’s just the way it is.
I guess I’m a little angry too. I’m angry at myself mostly. Change my attitude. Yeah OK that puts money on the table.
I have to ignore all that though, you have to just keep on doing what you can do every day.
Sorry for the downer and thanks for listening. I’ll be more positive tomorrow.
Update &/or renovate your home to be more user friendly. Like grab bars properly installed in your shower & toilet areas. Have your tub replaced and renovate the wet zone to instead have a no-rise walk in shower that you can sit down in and bathe/shower in. Double shower head. Limit the amount of containers in the shower and lavabo areas. If you have a door to just your toilet area, remove the door.
Better lighting throughout your home and property; have exit paths with some type of dusk to dawn lighting sources both inside the house and the yard. All that crap in upper shelves, get someone to help you get that stuff down, go thru and jettison or gift what you don’t use and only have things you actually use on shelves you can truly reach. If the empty space bothers you visually, then place whatever dust collectors ya can’t part with in the space. Remove rugs or anything else that can slide around when walked upon. Or get really good grippy for your type of flooring rug pads cut to fit
Buy shoes that actually are supportive and non slip for daily wear. Shoes that you 101% all on your own can take off & on.
Take care of your skin! It’s not too late to moisturize every day to protect it.
https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/the-best-medical-alert-systems/
I try to focus on what I can and cannot do.
What I can do ______________________________________
* Stay as PRESENT in real time as much as I am aware to do so (train my brain)
* Be grateful that I am able to walk ... move, exercise
* I am getting ready to go to the gym (that I can still afford)
* For the last 2+ years, I join in / listen to Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Brain functioning/ plasticity expert (he wrote Buddha Brain), and Buddhist scholar Wed nights at 5:45pm Zoom.
* I am protesting in the streets (April 5 - huge national protest) as well as be aware of limiting the amount of 'news' and 'reality' I can handle (I watch Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O'Donnell (MSNBC)
It is the best I can do right now. Future tripping will not serve me nor my mental health / day-to-day functioning / equanimity.
Even if I wanted to move to another country ... if I still have my social security, where would / could I go? Canada would be my preference although that doesn't seem like a possibility now.
Gena / Touch Matters
I like the Forest and Rick Hansen podcast “being well”
We have our important legal documents including DPOA, HCPOA, HIPPA designations, living wills and a trust and we periodically update them. We both bought LTC policies to mitigate financial stress and provide financial protection if one of us needs AL or SNF care before the other. Eventually we will probably sell our house and move to a 50+ community or buy into a continuing care facility if we can afford it. We will make our last wishes known including pre-paying for our final resting place (plots only). We are working on getting rid of “stuff” except for things we really like, or need or don’t want to have to buy again. I have four categories: Like, Need, Donate, Trash. We will plan on having DNR orders if very ill or frail. Our goal is to make it easy for our designated person to do what they need to do, have the funding to do it, and not have to make a lot of decisions.
Speaking as an American, all the of the above can go up in smoke if our “leaders” mess with Social Security, Medicare, anti-fraud watch-dog agencies, consumer protections and the economy in general. If those programs and savings are eviscerated, the best planning may be moot.
Am not counting on stepdaughter or her small family but hope they check on me wherever I end up.
I have a cousin I practically raised and she is my backup to check on me.
Waiting a few months to emotions & behavior to settle after husband’s recent death.
1) Exercise safely
2) Healthy meals
3) check BP weekly and BG daily (am pre-diabetic but numbers have been good)
4) Take my calcium/D3 daily (husband’s last month was painful due to vertebrae fractures due to prednisone that relieved lung discomfort…we knew the bone risk but thought men are not as fragile as women (sadly we were wrong) and he opted for breathing comfort 😢
5) Have 1-2 good friends who are really there for you
6) Cut out distractions (fake friends that just TAKE) from your life
7) Reduce the clutter!
Be well❣️
My preparations include:
- I have been diligent about saving for retirement and for my future care needs.
- I have an appointment this Friday with an attorney to discuss planning documents. I plan to name my kids as POA and Executor and back-ups. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have kids. I have 8 siblings but we are not close.
- Slowly working to reduce my belongings; hope to progress faster after I retire.
- I’ve been looking at listings for 55+ communities to downsize to hoping to find a smaller one story home with no stairs. (I thought about a “Golden Girls” arrangement, but roommates can be tough and there are still stairs, upkeep and maintenance to deal with) After that, it will depend on my physical and mental health.
I plan to move to AL eventually, or whatever facility I need when (or if) I become unable to live alone safely. No hesitation. I'm sick of cooking and cleaning!
I have no kids, just 2 sisters and brother left, I've been estranged from for 23 years. One sister (retired RN, 77) I've been communicating with the past 3 years. I attempted reconciliation with the other sister that didn't happen.
My Trust instructs money be given to several great friends who helped me when I was down, unlike my siblings. I refused money, so they stuck cash in my jacket pockets or purse I would find later. Each of those 4 incredible people will get $75K each, for their generosity. They have no idea whatsoever. Surprise, surprise!
Nobody will get stuck with any hands-on caregiving for me, period. AL's recently built near Las Vegas are mini-resorts with total luxury and amenities, as well as affordable on my SS. Both Successor Trustees live in Nevada in Reno and Vegas.
I also plan both a Caribbean and Alaska cruise, in Fall 2025. Plus see a live rocket launch in Texas or Florida when I can arrange it.
The founders of DOROT, then recent graduates of Columbia University’s social work program, were pioneers in their approach to serving their older neighbors with the ultimate goal of alleviating social isolation.
I have had a POLST done and hanging in closet for one and one half decades, and updated simply to make current. It is to keep EMT/EMS from doing heroic measures in the State of California. Otherwise, by law, they must attempt to resusictate.
I encourage ALL who don't want EMS crushing your chest when you are 80 to consider doing your polst and have it hanging at the ready. They say on the refrig. Mine, my partner knows, is on the inner door of the broom closet.
Perfectly legal. No need to be dying.
Live in an area with good medical. Get relationships set up with as many specialist as you can. I live in Washington DC which has medical aid in dying. I have talked to my doctors about this and made it clear this is a decision I did not take lightly.
Live in a condo with no stairs. Grocery store across the street. Good public transportation. Mortgage paid off.
Unfortunately I waited too late to get long term care insurance.
Talk to whoever has medical power attorney (and make sure you have backups) what you want. As I think everyone here knows, there is not a clear path in terms of care when you start to decline or when/how to actually implement a DNR. There is a better form that in some place is called a "POST" that goes into more depth as to what types of treatment you want.
I've also signed up for 4 cruises over the next 18 months.
Goo for you to book cruises. You have to have fun in life while you can.
https://dorotusa.org/agingalonetogether
I am very saddened by my parents dying. I don't know when this empty feeling will go away. I am also angry as hell. I tried to get my mom to plan her end of life arrangements a long time ago. I may go before my husband. I have him down as my beneficiary. I am going to try paying off the mortgage. I don't have an Estate plan yet, but I don't want him to be burdened.
Should I be childless by the time I get to where I need extra help, I'm not gonna be paranoid like my mom. I'm gonna bring in extra help.
I don't think it was my parent's intention for us (my husband and I) to perform caregiving duties but my brother has mental health issues and lives in another state so he couldn't help. How could I stand by and watch my parents become less and less able to manage their lives?? We cared for them during their decline and until their deaths.
I/we now have multiple docs in place: POA, health care directive (as part of a Trust), DNR, VSED (voluntarily stop eating and drinking), dementia advance directive (form available at Compassion and Choices), and even POLST.
We don't have children.
We're currently searching for a single story home or a condominium because our current home has too many stairs both inside and outside. We will probably eventually end up in a graduated care living situation. Even so, caregivers are necessary in these places because there isn't enough staff to tend to all of the residents. I hope and pray that we can arrange for that scenario when the time comes. It's extraordinarily expensive. I kind of hope for "My Name Is Trouble"'s scenario...a depressing thought but watching my parent's decline gave me lots of PTSD.
Be sure you have a DNR in place and distributed to your family, doctors and hospital.
Put it this way, 9 months ago my brother's last snafu was hospitalization for congestive heart failure and a broken hip. Cardiologist said his heart could give out in days/weeks/months. Hospital Social Worker asked him how he'll care for himself @ home alone, and he said, "I'll Just Die". Guess what, that seldom happens, and as always brother relies on me to help him. Yes, we have some county aides helping me, but I'm doing 80% of the work, plus there's still my husband and my cat with lymphoma and diabetes.
Just want to say to anyone out there who figures "You'll Just Die". Believe me, you or your loved ones probably aren't that lucky, and the "hell" involved with your care kills everyone else along with you. Please follow these great suggestions made on this site regarding planning for yourself. I'm just as guilty of not doing so for myself, but these last 9 months with my brother have proven to me that I need to start getting my affairs in order.
I have CA POA medical set up for two siblings and an extended natural relative. I am the youngest family member, so there’s a chance my two siblings may not outlive me. My middle aged niece lives in TX and the only natural relative to perhaps survive me, hopefully in good health at that time, since most of my natural family besides myself isn’t.
Meanwhile, eat a healthy diet and exercise 150 minutes weekly just as my doctor advises.
I think resistance training also helps maintain bone density which is needed at least for women.