Barb763: It's all we got. You have chosen the high roads of love, and it sounds like you are breaking. Who/what agencies have you been able to reach out to? I don't mean that as a deflection. Are you a rural person or an urban person? I so feel your pain. I share it.
Barbt, Your story has me adding another symptom to the list of caregiver burn out and that is "dismay"...dismay at what you see and hear both from your loved one or the nursing home or medical workers, or smell... often on a daily basis while caregiving.
I think Barbt763 touched on an excellent point. Have you ever been in a situation in which either you did or gave something, or are being pressured to do so, and someone gives you one of those big smiles and asks "How do you feel when you do this? Don't you just feel so great?" and your truthful answer would be "I feel (or felt) 'used' "? So maybe "feeling used" should be added to our list of signs of caregiver stress.
My mother doesn't want to live anymore. She's tired and wants to go b with dad in heaven. In assisted living, to hear that is also stressful, because I find myself asking why the good lord won't just take her, I don't want to let her go, but she's ready.
Summer 55, been there. My dad died 2 yrs before mom my sister A year before mom, she said the same things. It’s was depression that got her real bad. And then a massive heart attack , and in her will she stated no life support . So I had to let her go, but it was a good thing, my brother died 2years after her. So there All up there, waiting for me. Sometimes there nothing you can say or do. Enjoy these last days with her, I always made my mom laugh in her last days. That’s all you can do. Best of luck{{{{}}}} hugs to you. Yuki
I hear you, Summer55. Yesterday was a horrible day for my mother. She could hardly move, had a look in her eyes like she was blind, and her limbs were cold. At one point I reminded her you like reading the newspaper and would you like to read it? She said, "No, there's something in there that'll hurt me." I called her home health nurse and my sisters bawling. Sisters and Niece came right over. Last evening Sister 2 and I talked about how we wished the spirits would take her. Hospice will be coming today to enroll her. {hug} to you and to us all going through this.
Genevieve7 sometimes you just have to take out for you. Your at caregiver burnout sounds like. I was there. Stop thinking you have to do it all. Somethings can wait. And if you have any help, assign duty’s to someone, tell them you need help, or start hiring out. We are not wonder women, sometimes we can’t do it all, and that’s ok. And going and having a nice bubble bath, or drinking a little wine and just relaxing is so soothing , listening to a favorite tune on the radio, or calling up a great girlfriend to cry or vent can help. Take that me time!!!! You don’t want to go down that road I’ve been down. Me time!!! Yuki
crying at forum posts chest pains feeling used being misunderstood by unhelpful family over exercising to point of injuries chest pains insomnia fitful sleep nightmares chest pains headaches anxiety depression isolation feelings that my efforts are futile and unappreciated that life is not worth it if this is how it ends up - like them sadness alienation chest pains not talking much anymore giving up trying to assert boundaries as it exhausts me more and they go unobserved chest pains
Scaredtaker, you mentioned chest pains 5 times. Is this something you are dealing with? If so, and if they are overwhelming or persistent you probably need to have this checked.
...being upset because I think Oprah should've used her great idea to help the aging and us caregivers instead of inventing a new "healthy soup" to us all! Every time I see it in the store I get angry and probably look like the wicked witch of the west stomping through the store! Hate how my mind wanders when shopping...I can't ever think about what I need while I'm there. My personality has really become nasty lately...is this a sign of my future?! Am I doomed automatically because of this burnout?! I hate thinking about the what if's all the time and what Im going to be like in my future.
I want the old me back. DH and I are going to the beach for a week...hopefully will toss my negativity in the ocean... I do realize I must and want to. My body hurts, my teeth hurt from grinding, brain stings from all my crazy thoughts, have gained 30 plus pounds, more gray hair. Yuck, how am I gonna get in a swimsuit...go away thoughts,
Bella7 — Perhaps you & I were “separated at birth,” as they say. Thought I was reading something that I wrote! ENJOY the beach. The salt air, the power of the ocean. Take it all in. Transform. ((((hugs!))))
Reading the questions from caregivers asking for advice on what to do with all their old crazy parents makes me so depressed and hopeless . A lot of these old people including my mother are alive because of modern medicine. Their brains are way past the use by date. They shouldn't be around anymore. But they didn't know or plan to lose their minds and be a burden on their children and society so we can't blame them. However, we caregivers know better. Let's not do this to our children. Plan ahead and check out when we start to suck the life out of the younger generations. Don't be a vampire.
Sorry I just have to rant. Another sign of burn out is losing my humanity, you can say. No, not all life is precious, not if they're sucking the life out of someone else so they can live. I'm getting off the soap box now.
So far this year my hubs has developed terrible psoriatisis, no known cause at his age.. but stress keeps coming up. This week my neck locked up,, steroids and muscle relaxers on board, and now it is improving but I am having terrible back spasms ( I do have a bad back,, but) probable cause is .. stress.. I understand the chest pain mention,, I really thought I was having a heart attack once or twice.. And I am sad to say I just thought.. the heck with it.. But I am trying to remember that my dad passed on the 28 of this month, and Mom is sad and depressed and just wants to be with him.
And Bella.. put on that swimsuit and remember.. you don't know any of those people! I know I am no longer a 28 year old supermodel,, so just enjoy and relax!
Polar bear, your not alone, we’ve all hit that wall. Sometimes you just want to scream. But know there are little things you can and must do for yourself. I’ve said this before, take time for yourself. It’s not selfish, and needs to be done! Also get the big picture, if your not up to the duties, screw it and hire out! There no shame in letting someone else do the work. Everyone hits that wall. It’s up to you, either climb it, or hit it. Your survival depends on it . Yuki
PolarBear: God/Cod bless you for speaking what is in the recesses of our ever-adapting brains. I just posted on another thread, asking Canadians how the U.S. might advocate for the value of human dignity for the extreme aged or afflicted. Your post very much needs to be mulled. I would never believe you meant that the extreme aged or afflicted are useless therefore chuck 'em. I believe you meant, at what sacrifice to your beloved offspring and/or social services can we keep constant vigilance for, or fight continuously for? As we get wasted, mean, inhumane. I am inhumane. I recognize a fellow being.
Polarbear, I totally am with you, I don't want to be kept alive after my use by date. Especially at the expense of another. I know where I'm going when I leave this body, so I am looking forward to going. If our loved ones could know that they are just a body with no quality would they really choose quantity? Some, maybe, others no frickin way, my grandma would have died if she knew the things she was doing, she was a generous loving woman that would have never wanted to cause anyone grief or hardship in any way shape or form.
My husband and I have all of our paperwork in order, checked annually to stay up with the law, yet I never want to take anything from his life by having quantity without quality. I never want to be a shell.
Thank you for your honest post, it is good for all of us caregivers to know what we want for the end of our lives and to prepare accordingly.
chest pains
feeling used
being misunderstood by unhelpful family
over exercising to point of injuries
chest pains
insomnia
fitful sleep
nightmares
chest pains
headaches
anxiety
depression
isolation
feelings that my efforts are futile and unappreciated
that life is not worth it if this is how it ends up - like them
sadness
alienation
chest pains
not talking much anymore
giving up trying to assert boundaries as it exhausts me more and they go unobserved
chest pains
I want the old me back.
DH and I are going to the beach for a week...hopefully will toss my negativity in the ocean...
I do realize I must and want to.
My body hurts, my teeth hurt from grinding, brain stings from all my crazy thoughts, have gained 30 plus pounds, more gray hair. Yuck, how am I gonna get in a swimsuit...go away thoughts,
Sorry I just have to rant. Another sign of burn out is losing my humanity, you can say. No, not all life is precious, not if they're sucking the life out of someone else so they can live. I'm getting off the soap box now.
And Bella.. put on that swimsuit and remember.. you don't know any of those people! I know I am no longer a 28 year old supermodel,, so just enjoy and relax!
My husband and I have all of our paperwork in order, checked annually to stay up with the law, yet I never want to take anything from his life by having quantity without quality. I never want to be a shell.
Thank you for your honest post, it is good for all of us caregivers to know what we want for the end of our lives and to prepare accordingly.