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My grandmother is a 65 year old lady who has a house. She lives with my mother and she rents a room to an old man (he is 92 years old) who has lived with her for 10 years. She decided to rent the room because the ex asked for that favor before he died since my grandmother worked with them in the past and she had them and still has appreciation. The problem is that for two years he has shown signs of dementia, he says that he looks at people in his room, he speaks, he talks to them by himself, screams at night, hits the walls, at night he doesn't let anyone in the house sleep, he smokes all day and the house smells like cigarettes and my grandmother is tired. She has been patient, she has talked to him and listens to him and has made doctor's appointments but he never attends and when he attends he behaves normally in front of the doctors but at home it is a headache. He does not take the medicine that the doctors prescribe, grandmother thinks because he has dementia and that's why the doctor gave those pills. My grandmother is not at peace and she is afraid. During the quarantine I was also afraid because I lived in my grandmother's house and he said that those people wanted him to kill my cats and since that time we hid the cats from him, we do not know what to do? Help or recommendations please

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GI've him a 30 Day Moving Notice.

Help him find a Senior place to live.

Next time he has screaming spells or hallucinations, call 911 and let them know they need to take him to the hospital that you are afraid he is going to hurt himself or you.

Onice the Hospital has him, they might have him observed for 24 hrs in a mental ward or a Dr will check him out in the hospital and confirm dementia, ect.
The Important main thing here to remember is DO NOT Let him return to your home.

Tell the Hospital that you can no longer take care of him and they need to find him a Senior Place for him to live.

Again, Do Not check him out or agree he can go back to your house, even if they say it's just while they look for placement for him.

Tell them again that he would not be safe at your home, you are not able to care for home and his outbursts could hurt himself or you.
Helpful Answer (18)
Reply to bevthegreat
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Geez--I am 65 (nearly) and I cannot FATHOM allowing this to go on in my home.

Calling APS and yes, even the police would not go amiss.

She needs him OUT, like, yesterday.

I've found that when someone 'thinks' someone else suffers from dementia or some such disorder, they aren't far off the mark.

Even at 92, this man could definitely have the strength to hurt your grandma. I hope you help her get him out. Your are going to need to change the locks and maybe put up some outside security cameras and be more vigilant about g-ma's safety.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Go online and look up Adult Protective Services for your grandmother's hometown. There will be a telephone number to call for advice.

Your grandmother is not obliged to take responsibility for this elderly gentleman's care no matter how long their friendship, and in fact because she doesn't have any formal connection with him it's probably a very bad idea for her to try.

You say that he won't take his medications, but that must mean that he does have a doctor and must have seen the doctor not that long ago, so it would also be sensible to report what is happening to that doctor. Just remember that although the doctor can accept your reports, the doctor can't tell you anything about the patient because of confidentiality laws (not even that the gentlemen IS their patient), so don't be surprised if you don't receive any acknowledgement - it doesn't mean the information is being ignored.

Because the gentleman has been paying rent to your grandmother she can't just kick him out of the house; there will be legal steps she has to take if that becomes necessary. But in any case the priority is to get him help, not to get rid of him - I expect your grandmother thinks so?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Oh, my. Grandma is not going to be in trouble for calling for calling 911 when the guy is screaming or hitting walls in the middle of the night! The guy goes to the hospital and isn’t allowed back. PERIOD. I have two friends whose husbands had dementia. One tried to strangle his wife in the middle of the night. The other broke through a locked door with a carving knife. He was standing over his wife when she suddenly woke up. Both went to the hospital and were not allowed to come back. While he’s in the hospital, Grandma can pack his things and figure out what she owes him on the rent. If she is scared, the time to act is NOW.
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Reply to ConnieCCH
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I may not look at this as helping a friend but more like he is a boarder. If grandmom had advertised for a roommate and the man answered the ad this would be looked at differently. But in the long run the man needs help. Calling Adult Protection Services is what needs to be done. And grandmom needs to be firm that she cannot take care of this man. That he will need to become a Ward of the state since there are no family members to take on the responsibility.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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As this person is not family related to your grandmother its time for his family if there is any to step in and care for the 92 year old man. If he has been diagnosed with dementia then the court can intervene and assign his a legal guardian whether a family member or a court appointed person. Wondering if he is a Vet. If so the VA can intervene. Your grandmother needs her health and peace of mind for her own care for her elder years. God bless, Cecilia
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Reply to Cecimerce
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Your grandmother is not obligated to honor this man's request. Indeed, without him assigning her as his Power of Attorney or her having guardianship for him, she LEGALLY won't be able to represent him medically or financially. As he declines both mentally and physically she will be overwhelmed and they will both suffer. Get your grandmother to contact APS and report him as a vulnerable adult. People with dementia can go through a phase where they can become violent or sexually aggressive. Social services will get him the care he needs and your grandmother will get her life back.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Your grandmother owes him NOTHING! Her safety comes first and foremost.

Contact a lawyer to see what can legally be done to remove this man from her home and keep out of harm’s way.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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I agree with all the posters --- Grand Mom's safety is paramount and this lodger needs to go. You might want to check and see if your town, county or state have a free legal advice for your Grand Mom so that in getting this person out of her house you don't have problems down the road. Check to see if there are any legal documents (lease, rental agreement, a rent book documenting his rent payments) and, if possible, see if you can video/auto recording of one of his "rants" prior to calling anyone. I would then proceed to call Adult Protective Service (APS) you may have to "push" them a bit because like most places they are understaffed and since he is not living on the streets, he is not in imminent danger to himself but push. Also call your local police department (if a call doesn't work, make a personal visit.... be sweet but persistent) in that your Grand Mom is in danger (this is where the video will come in handy). They might be able to get him into a local hospital for a 72 hour psych evaluation but that is sometimes dependent on where you live.

Change the locks immediately that this man leaves the house regardless of where he goes and put extra security on any low windows. If possible put up some house security camera. If he does have an diagnosis of dementia, depending on how far gone his memory is at this point, he could remember the house and come back to it so vigilance will be needed.

Sending prayers and hugs to you and your Grand Mom during this difficult time.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to geddyupgo
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I do not know the answer but I would most definitely speak with an eldercare attorney and I would contact Adult Protective Services and the Office on Aging. I would find a way to remove him from the premises - sooner than later. Get going.
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Reply to Rusty2166
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