We payed $80,000 for in law suite renos, and my spouse and I gave up half of our home. After 8 yrs rent free is it ok to ask MIL for rent?

If mil is financially comfortable, I take it there is a considerable estate that will be inherited by someone after she dies? How is that divided up? I'm wondering if mil thinks your dh is the wealthy child (after all, he paid for her suite), and if she will be leaving her estate to other family members?

Better check that out. I think she owes you quite a bit for what you've done and paid for.

Crankygirl, yes, given the financial and family circumstances, MIL should absolutely be paying rent and I think it also wouldn't be unreasonable to at least discuss with her some retroactive in-lieu-of-rent payment, as well, perhaps in the form of a gift to you to avoid income tax consequences.  At the very least, discussing a retroactive payment might at least gain you some leverage in collecting rent going forward.

I fully realize such rent discussions are often much easier said than accomplished. I tried to do something similar with my dad as part of implementing a Medicaid spend down plan for him (except the plan was to hold his rent in an account to be used later to enhance his stay during an anticipated Medicaid-assisted nursing home stay.) To shorten a long story, after a few months of implementing the rent plan, I refunded the entire amount to him due to sibling outrage. Those siblings (4 of 7) really liked the free 24-hour care my wife and I provided him in the separate rent-free house nextdoor to ours, but they didn't like my dad paying utilities for that house and thought I should at least help pay those since his care required that I stay with him all of the time. It's hard to understand the thinking of some family members. Good luck with yours.

Agree with all the previous post. After you and your husband have discussed current situation may want to also discuss with her the fact that should she at some point in the future need additional help you need some sort of agreement in place. You should also speak with an elder care lawyer to make sure all necessary paper work in order.

8 years rent free is a long time. FF is right. However, as FF also states, things change. Cost of living increases. I’m not a big fan of pussyfooting around and hoping someone “gets the hint”, especially where money is concerned. Sure, it would have been easier when MIL first moved in, but that’s water over the dam.

Living with her son and DIL is a privilege and not a right. I understand how annoying it is that she throws her money at the other kids and won’t even pay for a pizza for you. Get your monthly expenses together and sit down with her. Not just you, either. Dear hubby has to be there as well. “This is what we need from you, Mom.” Figure out “about” how much for the extra person. You could go so far as asking her for a third of the household expenses, but that probably won’t work. Mention you need to start saving for your own retirement. If she refuses, well, then you may have to have another talk with her, this time about her own apartment.

Have you had *any* conversations with your MIL about "beastly money, darling"?

I just get the impression from your post that you and your husband have been bottling this up, MIL has blithely assumed that everything's fine, and the whole thing is about to blow up under pressure?

Crankygirl, after 8 years of Mom-in-law living rent free, that would be difficult to now charging her rent.

Best to just drop hints about grocery bills and utilities. Ask Mom-in-law if she wants a portable fan for her bedroom as you and her son will need to not keep the house as cool due to the cost. Maybe she will chip in.

For groceries cut back on buying Mom's favorite snacks or drinks, and cut out some of your favorite things, too. Sorry, Mom, grocery prices have really gone up [which is true], and we had to cut out some things. Hopefully she will say "here, let me help".

If you have cable TV, and Mom likes to watch TV, cut back to the basic package. Sorry Mom, cable prices have gone up and we had to cut back.

It feels like Mom-in-law is taking you both for granted. And any time a parent moves into a house the adult/child dynamic takes over. She now once again "Mom" and you both are the teenagers.

yes, it is. and she should be contributing to utilities and grocery bills