We payed $80,000 for in law suite renos, and my spouse and I gave up half of our home. After 8 yrs rent free is it ok to ask MIL for rent?

Freqflyer is spot on accurate. But if she's living such a high-end lifestyle, how is she suddenly going to change? Have a sit down with her and lay out the new plan.

You are certainly due rent from her but a written agreement sounds advisable.
Yes she has estate value, it's now that she should be paying you though. Besides the value of her rent when added up, might exceed any bequests.

Subtle hints are likely to just fall on deaf ears so you will need to be brave and get help to setup, right away.

Hard to tackle this issue but it should be done, be resolute and follow it through.

As for yoursiblings jibing at you, ignore them and do it anyway. They have no right to add to your stress.

I think it is absolutely ok. Once I retired we had no choice but to take rent from my mom. We did not renovate but we provide for all daily living expenses

Similar situation here in my family. My folks were supposed to pay off my brother's home when he did the add on apartment for them to live in "in perpetuity"...so he did build a nice apartment and he got a lovely large family room upstairs from them. (It was a family affair, we all worked on this addition)

Time to pony up the costs and well--eldest brother had cleaned them out, financially. They barely had enough to tuck a little away for a rainy day.

Brother was going to lose his home--so those of us sibs who could, helped out financially. Crisis averted, for the moment.

Mother has lived there 21 years. Dad passed 13 years ago. She pays for the cable and you hear about that every single month. No utilities or rent. She also "blows" her SS every month on junk--Dollar Store shopping and eating out.

Brother is too upset still to ask her for rent. I voted against this move 24 years ago when it first came up.....and I can say, mother certainly could have afforded $500 a month and not suffered. But she never offered and they never asked. Most years we other sibs secretly slip brother a few grand.

Mother thinks it will all be made "whole" when she dies--but the "joke" is that she only has $50K in life insurance. Split 5 ways (elder brother has since died)---well, $10K will not help us financially AT ALL.

Yes--your MIL should be paying rent. I see the anger in my brother just build from year to year. He NEVER would have had the folks move in if he'd known mother was going to live forever and ever.

Crankygirl, as I said back in June, I agree with freqflyer.

You should be getting some type of rent and I agree it should be a written contract.

However, it may bite you in the *ss! I’m sure the recipients of her “gifts” will have plenty to say and Mom, too. She may think it was settled a long time ago.

The backlash may escalate from there, you know. She may decide to move and other family members might encourage that

Even if that happens it sounds like the living space can be rented to someone else, maybe at a profit!

Regardless, the issue should be addressed before she goes or there will never be a resolution.

Just saying: be prepared.

Charlotte

I have trouble with assumptions about who has paid what to whom or who is living rent free. Of course I am the indigent party here that is living rent free, while I’m the full time unpaid caretaker and house manager.

But that is exactly my point: I assume that I’m paying much more than rent in my services where my sibs may think I’m taking advantage. It will never get settled because there is no dollars and cents accountability going on. Even if it were being accounted for there is no agreed upon dollar amount for my services.

Outsiders have no idea what agreements have been made or how much money one contributes toward the housekeeping.

I know my mom feels bad that she is unable to pay me regardless of my not paying rent and it breaks her heart that I pay for parts and repairs myself because I feel she’s running short about $100 a month and I don’t want to add to that.

Anither big item, I save her as much money as I can by fixing things myself, bargain shopping, thrift store shopping, or just substituting cheaper products.

For instance she takes one prescription that her copay was outrageous and I found it in a Canadian pharmacy. The doctor is aware and has the Canadian pharmacy on speed dial. I’m saving her tons of cash as well as not running up the donut hole clause in her health insurance. Yes, anyone could do it but I’m the one who did because of my closer involvement with her.

To top it off, when push comes to shove, my mom won’t remember what I paid or not anymore than she’ll remember my sister paid for the roof!

As much easier it would be in the long run to sort out I’m not about to suggest any financial reckoning in black and white in the hope we will be on the same page when the time comes. I am heeding the advice given here all the time: I’m keeping all the receipts!

Charlotte