We need suggestions for how to explain to my home bound mother that she will likely outlive her money.

if you apply for medicaid you cannot have somewhere less than 2000$ in there not much but the cover a portion of a nursing home

91, 2 years of money. Start doing homework. I see you have 1 year to investigate. If something good pops up, take it. Otherwise know that after year 1, you may have to private pay for 1 year to get your mom in the NH, of your choice. Is there a house to be sold? That may take a year. Around here there our a few residential homes that are taking care of elderly. More homelike, smaller care ratio, and cost is lower. Me and you are in the same boat. A spot has come up, and I am trying to figure out the lesser of the two evils. Home is always best, but upkeep, maintenance, and caregiver changes, catch up with you. Plus liability. Good luck, and a prayer. This is a mental mess.

LapeerCaregiver, I agree with Sue above, a Reverse Mortgage may not be the right route if you feel it might be an option.

The monthly funds your Mom would receive from a Reverse Mortgage is only the principle. When it comes time to pay back on the "loan" not only does one need to pay the principle BUT also the interest on the loan, plus fees. No different than a regular house loan. Mom would be responsible for the real estate property tax, and for her house insurance from her own pocket.

Oh, if Mom's caregiver isn't from an Agency, it is very important for Mom to purchase "workman's comp" insurance just in case the caregiver gets hurt at home.

Reverse Mortgages are great for those who already have a lot of money and want to use part of the equity to purchase more stock, to go on luxury vacation or put a grandchild through college.

Now trying to explain all this Mom won't be easy as it would need to be in writing, and all of this is so darn complicated, even us mere mortals can find it confusing.

From Federal Trade Comission Consumer Information website;

"How do Reverse Mortgages Work?
When you have a regular mortgage, you pay the lender every month to buy your home over time. In a reverse mortgage, you get a loan in which the lender pays you. Reverse mortgages take part of the equity in your home and convert it into payments to you – a kind of advance payment on your home equity. The money you get usually is tax-free. Generally, you don’t have to pay back the money for as long as you live in your home. When you die, sell your home, or move out, you, your spouse, or your estate would repay the loan. Sometimes that means selling the home to get money to repay the loan."
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Your mom would need to live IN the house to not have to pay back the loan. I don't mean to be rude, but how long realistically do you think your mom can stay in her home? I think this plan would work better for younger seniors who could remain at home.
If she went into a facility 3 months after she got the loan, then she (or you) would need to start repaying the loan!

I'm not sure that a Reverse Mortgage would be her best choice at this time.

Please read the fine print before she signs anything. The odds of her ending up in AL or NH at 91 are fairly high.

Tough one. I can understand your quandary. Can Mom move in with someone in the family which may postpone the depletion of her funds for a while? Till then, talk with someone who can steer you to the proper place to learn what has to be done to put Mom on Medicaid in the near future.
I would just try to explain to Mom that money is getting tight and that you have to sell the home and she has to move in with one of you. If that doesn't sit well with her, explain the numbers to her. I am assuming that she is not too mentally impaired so that she could somewhat understand what you are telling her.
We are going through this right now and, while my Mom doesn't have a lot of money, we still have to spend it down, which won't be difficult because there isn't that much. Also, we are using her funds to prepay for her cremation, etc. When that's done, we are going to cash in her life insurance policies so that she may add it to her accounts. Hopefully, you and your Mom are on the same checking account and charge card, which makes things a lot easier.
I hope this helped. Good luck and God bless.

She will have to apply for Medicaid.

I might just start very simply with something like "I'm noticing that the bills now with (whatever the caregivers name is) coming in so much are starting to drain your savings. Here is what comes in monthly (amount), here are the household bills and then the care, the numbers aren't adding up. You are having to take (X) out of savings each month to meet expenses. We should come up with ideas for planning to fix this before it's a big problem. Then revisit regularly but with a small amount of new info at a time giving her time to process and allowing her to feel like she has some control over the conversation, she might even start driving the conversation who knows. But if it doesn't feel threatening and you aren't leading with "you just can't stay at home" she might be more receptive or at least not as afraid of the conversation.

If she owns her home - a reverse mortgage. Spend down to Medicaid - check out "In Home Supportive services" (California) Area on Aging offices - in some areas there are seniors that sit with seniors that only need minimal help. The cost is usually lower. If she has money - anywhere she goes will take that and proceeds from sale of home before any assistance will kick in. Maybe spend that first and re-evaluate.

For what it's worth my elder law attorney said to start the Medicaid application process when my mom is down to about $100,000. Apparently the application and approval process can take some time, so you don't want to wait until you are down to the last dime.

My mom has some dementia but is still at home with home helpers - and me! I estimate she can go about another 3 years financially at home with the current arrangement. She is 91 but pretty physically healthy. I'm not going to worry until year 3.

Good luck!

What do you feel she needs to do?

She could even take out a loan using her home to provide care. Does she want to leave her home to someone in the family? Does she have any friends that she can visit in assisted living. Check out some facilities by yourself first so you only take her to visit ones that she might feel comfortable in.

can you re invest some of the money into something that will gain more with the economy going up getting better it might be a chance to get it going that will gain more money for her you can go to different banks & talk to a good adviser & could cut back some ..she does get social security right so each month is a new month can some family members help to watch her so she dont have to have so much help & pay for it ..maybe to get that have kinda like get together's some friends or family during that time maybe like a small party ..get rid of like cable maybe record stuff she she can watch it later get a lot of that b/c directv was charging us 95.00 $ a month & i thought this is not worth it public t.v is pretty good & if you have a digital t.v the picture is better so hopefully you can cut back & she may not notice

If your father was a veteran, your mother most likely will quality for the “Aid and Attendance” benefit. This will provide her with some money to use for home care. Contact your local VA office to apply.

I agree with Jeannegibbs - contact your local Area Agency on Aging. She may qualify for some of the hours being covered by them at a reduced cost to your family.

Nursing home is much more expensive if she don’t get Medicaid right away or has transfer penalties

As your mum is 91 and weak and deaf I guess you might be the one to investigate?

I had a similar situation with an elderly couple. (I'm still dealing with them and their daughter) I'm just a friend to them but I couldn't see anymore the situation they were living. Neglected and alone. He is 90 years old with Alzheimer's advancing fast, she has acute Parkinson's getting worst. Answering you question.
Just call the Elderly Protection Services. An agent will come to help you explain to her (As they did to the couple) the necessity of using the sale of her house for her care. Social Service will only advice if there are assets that it could be used. In this case, your mother has a house that it can be sold. The social worker assigned to her will support her emotionally and help her gradually come to terms with the lose of her house as much as looking forward moving into a retirement home with assisted living.
I kept repeating this to the couple over and over asking them how it'll be if a legal guardian will take over their decisions. I insisted kindly that it was better for them to decide on their future while they could and not leave it for other people to decide their fate. It worked for them.
Perhaps if you'll approach your mother in a similar way she'll on her own will decide what to do. Reach for real help I'm sure that in the area you live there is a Social Services agency. They'll guide you step by step. (They did to me).
I'm happy to tell you that the elderly couple are enjoying themselves very much and even though they miss their house, I can say that they're pleased with themselves believing and understanding now how it was the best decision they have ever made.
I wish you the best of luck.
Tania

Reverse mortgage or sign up for Medicaid. Spend down $ if have too & then assisted living or nursing home. Some assisted living have bottom floor with minimal help. Second floor those for dementia & doors locked in their wing. Top floor is like being in a nursing home. The rooms are like a hospital.

Why not just consult an eldercare lawyer who will spell things out for you and she both? Take her with you if possible. I "chatted" quite a bit with my mom with other family members present, which did no good whatsoever, lol. We needed that third party to make things real.

Say Mom....I think we need to start chatting about downsizing to keep you happy and glorious! In 2020, we will need this amount of money to make sure you stay beautiful and loving, so why don't we work on a plan of action NOW to help make that happen. Include the financial concern and muster as much love and patience as humanly possible in this situation and keep all fingers crossed...she will say...hmnnmmm, I was just thinking about that myself!

She could get a reverse mortgage, and should be able to stay in her home indefinitely! With Social Security, food stamps (snap), Medicaid and other programs, it's much easier today for seniors to remain at home. Check the website: www.Benefits.gov to see what she may qualify for.

What other options? Wherever she lives, she will still need money and will still likely run out of money.

Sadly, jeannegibbs is right - at 91, I don't blame your mother for not wanting to move. It's time to line up medicaid for her as I don't know how long it takes. But she'll have to spend what she has to be eligible.

Has she had a needs assessment done, for an objective view of the level of care she needs? You Area Agency on Aging can help you arrange that.

If she has enough money for 2 more years in her home, does waiting a year make sense for this discussion? At 91 things can change drastically in a year.

The truth is good place to start! We want to "coddle" our elders as they age, and it doesn't help them when they finally find out the truth.

Be her advocate and help her to see what is out there in her price range. She doesn't have to move NOW, but sooner rather than later. You don't want to be in the situation where you are forced by circumstances to place her anyplace that has a bed available and she has no voice in the matter.

At your mom’s age, there is mental decline as well as physical decline, even if she does not have dementia. When you explain her financial situation to her, be prepared for shock and confusion. Bring a budget with you to show her. Even if she doesn’t understand “all those numbers”, she will be impressed by them and more likely to believe what you’re saying. You wrote that you told her she needs to start exploring other avenues. Offer to check out places for her to go, and when you’ve found a few, take her on a tour. I can guarantee you she won’t be able to navigate the ins and outs of Medicaid and Government speak. She needs to explore other avenues, but you are the one who will be doing the work. Good luck and keep us updated!

You didn't mention if your mom has dementia so I'm going to assume she doesn't. You explain her financial situation to her the way you did to us: briefly and clearly. If her deafness is an impediment to a give and take conversation you may consider writing down the basic information and letting her read it to ensure that she understands her situation. If you do think you need to write the information down for her to compensate for her deafness try not to include a bunch of figures.

Sit her down and have an honest and frank discussion with your mom. Tell her that she is running out of money and will not be able to stay in her home. Let her know that she has your full support and that you will help her figure out her next step.

Once your mom has this information be prepared for her to begin coming up with ideas on how she can stay in her home. The ideas will be desperate and unrealistic but try to put yourself in her shoes and be empathetic and understanding. It's best that she gets this information now so she has time to process it and begin thinking about what she wants to do next.

Are you asking her to investigate this, or have you investigated it yourself? She’s going to have problems getting the information she needs otherwise.