Follow
Share

My 91 year old Mother is not able to live independently, she has an in home unskilled caregiver 14 hours per day now. Other than being deaf and very weak and unable to walk without assistance, she is in surprising good health and adamant to stay in her own home. However, the cost of in home care will deplete her savings in less than 2 years. How can we best explain to her she must investigate other options or risk being penniless and unable to care for herself?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Has she had a needs assessment done, for an objective view of the level of care she needs? You Area Agency on Aging can help you arrange that.

If she has enough money for 2 more years in her home, does waiting a year make sense for this discussion? At 91 things can change drastically in a year.
Helpful Answer (26)
Report

She could get a reverse mortgage, and should be able to stay in her home indefinitely! With Social Security, food stamps (snap), Medicaid and other programs, it's much easier today for seniors to remain at home. Check the website: www.Benefits.gov to see what she may qualify for.
Helpful Answer (18)
Report

The truth is good place to start! We want to "coddle" our elders as they age, and it doesn't help them when they finally find out the truth.

Be her advocate and help her to see what is out there in her price range. She doesn't have to move NOW, but sooner rather than later. You don't want to be in the situation where you are forced by circumstances to place her anyplace that has a bed available and she has no voice in the matter.
Helpful Answer (15)
Report

What other options? Wherever she lives, she will still need money and will still likely run out of money.

Sadly, jeannegibbs is right - at 91, I don't blame your mother for not wanting to move. It's time to line up medicaid for her as I don't know how long it takes. But she'll have to spend what she has to be eligible.
Helpful Answer (14)
Report

You didn't mention if your mom has dementia so I'm going to assume she doesn't. You explain her financial situation to her the way you did to us: briefly and clearly. If her deafness is an impediment to a give and take conversation you may consider writing down the basic information and letting her read it to ensure that she understands her situation. If you do think you need to write the information down for her to compensate for her deafness try not to include a bunch of figures.

Sit her down and have an honest and frank discussion with your mom. Tell her that she is running out of money and will not be able to stay in her home. Let her know that she has your full support and that you will help her figure out her next step.

Once your mom has this information be prepared for her to begin coming up with ideas on how she can stay in her home. The ideas will be desperate and unrealistic but try to put yourself in her shoes and be empathetic and understanding. It's best that she gets this information now so she has time to process it and begin thinking about what she wants to do next.
Helpful Answer (13)
Report

At your mom’s age, there is mental decline as well as physical decline, even if she does not have dementia. When you explain her financial situation to her, be prepared for shock and confusion. Bring a budget with you to show her. Even if she doesn’t understand “all those numbers”, she will be impressed by them and more likely to believe what you’re saying. You wrote that you told her she needs to start exploring other avenues. Offer to check out places for her to go, and when you’ve found a few, take her on a tour. I can guarantee you she won’t be able to navigate the ins and outs of Medicaid and Government speak. She needs to explore other avenues, but you are the one who will be doing the work. Good luck and keep us updated!
Helpful Answer (13)
Report

Why not just consult an eldercare lawyer who will spell things out for you and she both? Take her with you if possible. I "chatted" quite a bit with my mom with other family members present, which did no good whatsoever, lol. We needed that third party to make things real.
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

Are you asking her to investigate this, or have you investigated it yourself? She’s going to have problems getting the information she needs otherwise.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

As your mum is 91 and weak and deaf I guess you might be the one to investigate?
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Reverse mortgage or sign up for Medicaid. Spend down $ if have too & then assisted living or nursing home. Some assisted living have bottom floor with minimal help. Second floor those for dementia & doors locked in their wing. Top floor is like being in a nursing home. The rooms are like a hospital.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.