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Our aide likes to party when she is not working. Technically aren't we supposed to have her in the house since she is live in? We do not mind that she wants to go out but its excessive and she has been very irresponsible about it. How should I set boundaries and legally what can I do? If I tell the agency she will be fired. Thank you

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So.....why are you concerned that she will be fired if you tell the agency? She’s partying until 5am.....she stole your parents car (taking a car without asking=STEALING).....she snuck a man in to the house.....sounds to me like she needs to be fired. Honestly the agency needs to know about all of this!
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She needs to be fired.........sneaking a man into your house & stealing your parents car to go out is not ok, in my opinion. If you don't want her to be fired by letting the agency know of her behavior, then you are condoning it.
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OK I just saw this from the OP:

"She is paid for 16 hrs a day. She snuck a man in the house and took my parents car without asking."

My goodness why would you have us focus on setting a curfew when something like has happened? And I don't mean having a guest (man or otherwise), I mean taking the car without permission.
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Exactly! She is not the right fit and a disaster waiting to happen.

If she is from an agency you can ask for a replacement. Shouldn’t be a big issue.
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If Friday and Saturday nights are her time off, then it is her business, however, if she needs to be working Saturday morning and Sunday morning but is hung over and unable to adequately perform her tasks, then that is your business.

BUT
the sneaking in a man and the borrowing of the car?!!!
She needs to be gone.
TODAY!
Tell the agency what she has done.
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I think maybe her care receiver is bonding with her and wants to control where she is and with whom. For me it sounds like she is 'living at home' but being paid for services and she shouldn't have a life.
To do this kind of work you would have to literally give up your social life. I wouldn't want to be told what I can and can't do on my time off and not be able to have a guest over occasionally.
This must be a family situation. Something sounds off. No, they need someone older who has no outside interest other than maybe going to the park or the library and scoot back home to sit in their quarters and be good with that.
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GraceNBCC Dec 2019
Bringing a stranger into my home, without my explicit permission, even if you live here, puts every person there at risk. If she goes to their place, not your issue!
Taking the car without permission means she needs to be reported to employers & police so future potential employers are aware.

It is hard to get help to work such long hours. You may need plans for a second worker to allow 2 days off for primary worker I the future. Workers are legally entitled to days off...not just 8 hours to sleep. So work that in future plan.
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Anonymous, her all-nighters are the least of your problems. She snuck someone into your home? (I presume the boyfriend is not known to you.) Took your parents' car without permission? What kind of supervision are you providing to the carers of your family member. Hiring a caregiver isn't the end of your responsibilty for an aging parent.

It sounds as if you probably 'got' her cheap and expect the world. She shouldn't be expected to work sixteen hours a day (with only time to sleep off). Where she goes and what she does in her time off is none of your business so long as she shows up for work on time and fit to work, rested enough, etc. Is she young, an immigrant? These groups are very exploited by the agencies who hire them and by the clients too, often. Maybe you need to work with an agency who takes more interest in their employees and their clients and makes sure all terms of employment are clear and fair.
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FloridaDD Dec 2019
Really?  Until Op tells the agency what is going on, we have no idea if they can find a suitable replacement.  Many temporary agencies in many fields will occasionally send out unsuitable employees.   If I were OP, I would call the agency to either get them to help with communicating rules, or finding a replacement.  

Some unmarried people want these live in jobs because they can save money.  If they are not part of a household, this really cuts down on expenses.   There have been people here who have posted, what do I do after mum dies, I have no job history, and will need to support myself.  This may be a viable alternative. 

If you do not like the labor law, vote for candidates that will change it --although I would note that even in New York, a liberal state, with the legislature and governor all Democrats, it is legal to pay residential live in employees 13 hours a day, as long as they get 8 hours of sleep time (at least 5 of which must be contiguous) and 3 hours of eating time.
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How is this aide paid. For a 40 hr week? Because any more she should be paid overtime. She can't work 24/7. Her time off is her time off. Is she suppose to be with Mom every night?
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FloridaDD Dec 2019
It depends on the state.   NYS has a rule that if someone is live-in, and they are given 8 hours of sleep time (at least 5 of which must be continuous) and 3 hours of eating time, they must only be paid for 13 hours, even though their contract is that they are there full time.  I do not agree with this.   It appears that OP uses an agency, so the OT is their problem.
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Are you paying her minimum wag 24/7? If so, then that's a whole TON of money, so yeah, guess she should be there. But somehow I think perhaps you are NOT paying her an hourly minimum wage 24 hours a day. Two days a week? Perhaps she has a boyfriend and that is THEIR time?
If I otherwise liked and appreciated that aide I would treasure her, and I wouldn't give it a thought. You have not bought an entire life. She isn't your slave. She is someone working for you in an arrangement that seems to fit both your lives. If she is not a good fit anymore, and you believe you can do lots better, then by all means.......
You hired her through an agency for 24/7 daily live in? Wow. Didn't even realize there were such places until I saw a New York Times article exposing what is expected of workers from other countries (often enough) for 24/7.
I can only think that is very exploitative. And if this woman is working for you with no time off? That is not honestly lawful IMHO.
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Rbuser1 Dec 2019
I agree. She isn't an indentured servant, and it's against the law (EEOC) to discriminate by asking about a person's lifestyle outside of the job. Can you imagine any employee saying you have to abide by a curfew are you alright with that? I can't. So many problems with this kind of thing.
They should be saying 'NEXT' or helping with their mom more?? And clearly OP isn't up for what she wants the CG to bow to. Not blaming her either, jmo. It's not easy any way you roll the dice.
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I think one of the issues here is that the OP seems more concerned about the "curfew" than about the car or the boyfriend. I'm not saying he or she should be, but he or she is.

I think the employee might want more time off. Just because someone is paid to work 16 hours per day doesn't mean it's a good idea for that person to work 16 hours per day. Whoo-hoo! The employee gets 8 hours off every day! Would any of us like to have her job?
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I can't understand how anyone can make the choice to allow someone to move into their home to care for a vulnerable family member and yet be reticent about sitting down with them to have an adult discussion about any problems that arise. Assuming they are being treated fairly (would you be comfortable having your daughter in this position?) there is nothing wrong with setting a few reasonable house rules. If you generally like her work but the problems continue then you need to decide if it is better to accept the devil you know or to make a change. When you opt for change then you can simply tell the agency that there is a personality conflict and leave it at that.
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FloridaDD Dec 2019
Many of us are not used to have household help, and many more not used to having live in help or help that uses our cars.  It is a new experience, and frequently comes at a time when we, as caretakers are already stressed.   I have no issue about telling the agency, but I think honesty is the best policy.  This is not just a personality conflict.
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