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Our aide likes to party when she is not working. Technically aren't we supposed to have her in the house since she is live in? We do not mind that she wants to go out but its excessive and she has been very irresponsible about it. How should I set boundaries and legally what can I do? If I tell the agency she will be fired. Thank you

So.....why are you concerned that she will be fired if you tell the agency? She’s partying until 5am.....she stole your parents car (taking a car without asking=STEALING).....she snuck a man in to the house.....sounds to me like she needs to be fired. Honestly the agency needs to know about all of this!
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Reply to worriedinCali
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She needs to be fired.........sneaking a man into your house & stealing your parents car to go out is not ok, in my opinion. If you don't want her to be fired by letting the agency know of her behavior, then you are condoning it.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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OK I just saw this from the OP:

"She is paid for 16 hrs a day. She snuck a man in the house and took my parents car without asking."

My goodness why would you have us focus on setting a curfew when something like has happened? And I don't mean having a guest (man or otherwise), I mean taking the car without permission.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 4, 2019
Exactly! She is not the right fit and a disaster waiting to happen.

If she is from an agency you can ask for a replacement. Shouldn’t be a big issue.
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If Friday and Saturday nights are her time off, then it is her business, however, if she needs to be working Saturday morning and Sunday morning but is hung over and unable to adequately perform her tasks, then that is your business.

BUT
the sneaking in a man and the borrowing of the car?!!!
She needs to be gone.
TODAY!
Tell the agency what she has done.
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Reply to XenaJada
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I think maybe her care receiver is bonding with her and wants to control where she is and with whom. For me it sounds like she is 'living at home' but being paid for services and she shouldn't have a life.
To do this kind of work you would have to literally give up your social life. I wouldn't want to be told what I can and can't do on my time off and not be able to have a guest over occasionally.
This must be a family situation. Something sounds off. No, they need someone older who has no outside interest other than maybe going to the park or the library and scoot back home to sit in their quarters and be good with that.
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GraceNBCC Dec 7, 2019
Bringing a stranger into my home, without my explicit permission, even if you live here, puts every person there at risk. If she goes to their place, not your issue!
Taking the car without permission means she needs to be reported to employers & police so future potential employers are aware.

It is hard to get help to work such long hours. You may need plans for a second worker to allow 2 days off for primary worker I the future. Workers are legally entitled to days off...not just 8 hours to sleep. So work that in future plan.
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I can't understand how anyone can make the choice to allow someone to move into their home to care for a vulnerable family member and yet be reticent about sitting down with them to have an adult discussion about any problems that arise. Assuming they are being treated fairly (would you be comfortable having your daughter in this position?) there is nothing wrong with setting a few reasonable house rules. If you generally like her work but the problems continue then you need to decide if it is better to accept the devil you know or to make a change. When you opt for change then you can simply tell the agency that there is a personality conflict and leave it at that.
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FloridaDD Dec 7, 2019
Many of us are not used to have household help, and many more not used to having live in help or help that uses our cars.  It is a new experience, and frequently comes at a time when we, as caretakers are already stressed.   I have no issue about telling the agency, but I think honesty is the best policy.  This is not just a personality conflict.
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Years ago, my mom had a care giver who brought her boy friend over. We asked the agency for a replacement
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 4, 2019
Yes, who brings a boyfriend to any job? Ridiculous! Kids too. Unless you have an agreement to be able to bring a child I don’t think it’s very professional. If the child needs attention it takes time away from the elder.

By the way, I am not a child hater. I love children but not at work.
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Honestly, what she does on her own time is her business, unless it involves bringing strangers into your home and stealing a vehicle. If it was okay, sneaking would never happen.

Time to find a new caregiver.

Remember that you can not expect someone to stay at home 24/7, it is unrealistic and you will always have problems by placing unrealistic expectations on an employee.

Put your house rules in writing for the next one and give it to the agency, make sure you get a signed copy.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 4, 2019
Great advice! Put it in writing and no one can question a discrepancy later.
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coming in at 5am IS your business though. Your house=your rules. Live in caregivers still have to follow the house rules. They don’t get free reign. If coming in at 5am is disruptive you have the right to address that. Especially if she’s coming in at 5am and starting her shift just a few hours later.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 6, 2019
I agree, Cali. The car and the boyfriend visiting.

I know someone that hired someone as a babysitter and she was a typical teenager on her phone. She was talking to guys online and one of them asked for an address to send flowers.

She didn’t want to give her home address and she gave the address of the person’s house she sat at. She was immediately fired.

Most people are not going to want strangers in their home or even flowers sent by someone they don’t know.
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Anonymous, her all-nighters are the least of your problems. She snuck someone into your home? (I presume the boyfriend is not known to you.) Took your parents' car without permission? What kind of supervision are you providing to the carers of your family member. Hiring a caregiver isn't the end of your responsibilty for an aging parent.

It sounds as if you probably 'got' her cheap and expect the world. She shouldn't be expected to work sixteen hours a day (with only time to sleep off). Where she goes and what she does in her time off is none of your business so long as she shows up for work on time and fit to work, rested enough, etc. Is she young, an immigrant? These groups are very exploited by the agencies who hire them and by the clients too, often. Maybe you need to work with an agency who takes more interest in their employees and their clients and makes sure all terms of employment are clear and fair.
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FloridaDD Dec 7, 2019
Really?  Until Op tells the agency what is going on, we have no idea if they can find a suitable replacement.  Many temporary agencies in many fields will occasionally send out unsuitable employees.   If I were OP, I would call the agency to either get them to help with communicating rules, or finding a replacement.  

Some unmarried people want these live in jobs because they can save money.  If they are not part of a household, this really cuts down on expenses.   There have been people here who have posted, what do I do after mum dies, I have no job history, and will need to support myself.  This may be a viable alternative. 

If you do not like the labor law, vote for candidates that will change it --although I would note that even in New York, a liberal state, with the legislature and governor all Democrats, it is legal to pay residential live in employees 13 hours a day, as long as they get 8 hours of sleep time (at least 5 of which must be contiguous) and 3 hours of eating time.
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