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She is recreating events, mixing up past events, lying and manipulating, she even became physical with me (pushed me 3x, forcefully). In all she is acting completely different from the person we knew. She refuses to get checked out and we do not have Power of Attorney (POA) what can we do to have her evaluated by a doctor? We are located in Wisconsin - if that helps advising us with local laws.

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Something to think about is that if she becomes physical with you or is in someway out of control, call 911. Have her transported to the ER.
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Cancer - she needs to get her head scanned.

I was afraid you might say that.

I should think MIL is terrified. Talk to SIL, see if the family can get in touch with her oncologist and report what's going on.
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Chela429 Dec 2019
I didn’t even think cancer. Her first bout with breast cancer was very aggressive and spread to lymph nodes. Her second bout with breast cancer happened earlier this year but hadnt seemed to spread and was caught early. Not sure if they did a whole body scan then. I will speak with my SIL and see if we can contact the oncologist.
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Chela, I would put your observations in writing and send them to the doctor "return receipt requested" so that you have proof of delivery.

I believe there is a better chance of action being taken.
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Katsmihur Dec 2019
Chela, hope you have better response than I did with my mom’s PCP. He wouldn’t talk with me after three letters sent return-receipt requested. He should have encouraged mom to see him. Could have used blood sugar or blood pressure checks as reasons, but did not.
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I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you find answers soon. Follow up on the great advice given. Just wanted to offer support and a hug.
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This is very, very weird.

[Can I have a prize for least helpful reply?!]

What is she being abusive to you and SIL (and your husband too?] about? Is it a particular theme, or does it seem as though her feelings about her closest family have changed radically but everything else is carrying on as normal?

In between the rants and the pushing, do you get to interact with her normally at all?

Has MIL said what she expects of any of you?
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Maybe see if a geriatric social worker would make a house visit? That is what we had to do with my father early on, as he would NOT go to the dr.
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Speak with police in MIL’s town and tell them you are concerned about her and live a number of states away. They can perform a wellness check on your MIL and may then call the local Area on Aging to assess her.

My Mom is in denial and lies about her decline, too. Hoping they both get diagnosed.
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Chela, I know you're not on any HIPAA forms, but you can-- and should--give MIL's oncologist information about her behavioral changes. You can GIVE information to the doctor and then it becomes her/his responsibility to follow up.
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Chela429 Dec 2019
Thank you I will. My SIL and I were planning on calling her doctor again with observations. It’s just that last time (June/July) nothing came of it and she’s gotten worse since then.
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Your MIL is lucky to have you looking out for her. Follow Barb & CM's advice. Get a diagnosis & then you can plan.

Hugs & strength for the days ahead.
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Chela, what you are describing (to my way of thinking) is a "change in mental status". A formerly reasonable, pleasant, intelligent person is now illogical, and a bit paranoid with some delusions thrown in

UTIs can cause this. Get her tested for that anyway you can.

Report to her doctor a change in mental status, followed by some brief synopses of situations that shes misunderstood.

Google Teepa Snow and watch some if her videos on handling folks with delusions.
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