We are living in the same home as my husband's parents - which is now in our names. I wanted to make some changes. Advice?

I so hope you saw an Eldercare lawyer when the house was put in ur name. Medicaid in most states has a 5 year look back. If this house was "gifted" and one of the parents needs a NH within 5 years, this may cause a penalty period. Medicaid will consider it hiding assets. Even though the house is an exempt asset its only till death. At time of death it becomes an asset that they can recover monies they put out on parents care by plavcing a lien on it. Then there is if you bought it. If so, it had to be at market value. If not, again a penalty period. When the house was turned over to you was FIL of sound mind? A person suffering from Dementia cannot sign a contract. The are not competent to do so.

You are not going to win this one. Dad probably has forgotten he turned house over to you. In his mind its still his home. And Mom too. As long as she is living there, its her house.

My MIL sold her house to move. When she came back to visit, the new owner offered to show her what she had done to the house. She had torn out the rugs to reveal the hardwood and did it all country. My MIL came back to our house saying the woman ruined the house. My husbands response, "its not your house anymore, its hers".

I understand where you are coming from, you gave up your home to care for them. Its a decision that really needs to be looked at from all sides. I think we tend to rush into things when it comes to caring for parents. I think we need to look at all options before making a decision to move them in or you move in with them. Maybe a nice AL would have been better, selling their home to pay for it. I hate "we want Mom to stay in her home as long as she can". This means with lots of outside help. Which is usually done by one person. Most of the time Mom remaining in her home is not an option.

Even if the house is in your names in your In-laws mind (even if dementia was not in the picture) it is THEIR house. It is yours on paper only until they are no longer living.
Make the changes you can.
Paint your room. Paint other rooms that they do not use or go into often.
Doing a deep cleaning should not be a problem. If you have to hire someone. If that is the problem find a way to get FIL out of the house for a day.
Does he qualify for Adult Day Care? Would he spend a day at the Senior Center? Is there anyone that would take him out shopping for a day? If so schedule cleaning when he is out.
There are headphones/headsets that someone can wear while watching TV and the volume can be adjusted on the headset so the rest of the family is not bothered by the volume.
As for the kitchen...
When you are ready to start making a meal give them a task to do. Peel potatoes, set the table, put the meat in the pan, season it.
When they have done all that they can safely do make a pot of tea and sit them at the table and talk TO them not AT them. make conversation. Ask MIL how she made.............fill in the blank........... Ask FIL how he met MIL. Ask any question you want. Keep them busy talking. Your husband should be helping keep his parents occupied as well. Is he helping out?

And living in the house with them you have given up privacy.
If this is something you can not take for the next 5, 10, or more years then you need to have a sit down talk with your husband about what they next steps are. Keep in mind if they "gave" you the house you may end up having to "pay back" the Fair Market Value.
(talk to an Elder Care Attorney see if them contributing 1/2 (if there are 4 of you in the house) of all expenses and paying you for "caregiving services" would pay down what you would owe them if you were to "buy" the house. * I hope that makes sense*)

Change a very hard for those with dementia. I would wait until he no longer lives there. How was title/deed transferred? Did you buy the house for market value? Or was it a gift? If a gift I would not put a dime into the house for at least five years. If FIL needs more care than you can provide and he has no assets he will not be able to qualify for medicaid.

I see from another post of yours that in-laws have gifted their assets. This will cause a major problem when they need skilled care due to fil dementia or mil heart condition. And you have spent your savings? You are already resentful get out how and put your lives back together. See an elder law attorney NOW before you are in any deeper.

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