Why am I always the one stuck spending my weekend at my mom’s while the POA and her family keep going out of town?

Pamela,
Seems you know the answers. You know what kind of character your sister has, and you've worked in law enforcement long enough to know how these things go... What are you asking us for, that we haven't already told you? I thought you had some "things in the works" concerning your mom's affairs? I say, trust your instincts, and follow through! None of us can guess what's going on any more than you can. Goodness, none of us like dealing with negative things, but taking responsibility for what needs to be done is better than hopeful and wishful thinking. Are you just hoping it's not going to be bad? Or that your sister will do right? Or you just don't want to confront her? What are you waiting for? We've already given you our opinion more than once. I guess it comes down to this: you moved there to help your mom, (after living elsewhere), right? What are you doing? Your sister got POA away from you, and you say you don't want it? What more do you expect us to say? Not really sure what you are looking for here... You either confront this, or continue doing nothing, wondering and imagining all sorts of things. I thought we covered that a long time ago. We can't fix this for you. The ball is in your court.

Hi Pammies and all, sorry I have been away busy with mommo and b/f. Well Pammies I know what you mean. I have been at the point where I was out doing something and completely forgot about the ball and chain so to speak and had a good time. But then get home to find a million messages, hello hello where are you, she never wanted me to go out, just sit by the phone and always be there...for the past 11 years, so I know what you feel like. I would DEF find out about the monies FIRST AND FOREMOST. She if indeed there is no monies. I wonder if sis slowly moved monies out so mom would only have so much as dictated by medi-cal before they kick in. A girl I worked with a long time ago did that so it would work out for her and her mom that was getting Alz pretty bad, but now they have a law to go look if money has been moved, so that would counteract if you sis is trying to do that, but then you would think your sis would work on this type of game plan together, either way GO LOOK AT THE MONIES...go look and see what is actually going on.

i have poa - i have all the resposiblility- i get her soc., sec. so if i need help wll pay for it. you have a life - tell your mom the truth- i cant come today- mom said to me feels like i lost something- told her you did - yur memory- you have alzheimers- she says oh!. no matter what your sis tells her or y0u she will forget - so dont let your sis use it against you - get a calendar and circle the days and weekends you are available and leavbe it at that- my daughter stayed with my mom for 4 days - husband and i went on highschool reunion cruise- i wont let this stop me from living- for instance - need to get a room monitor and bed alarm so we can use the hot tub- she has been dizzy lately- also have bed rails so she cant get up without me- do what u have to do- your mom wouldnt want it any other way

I have called my sister and told her I will be waiting for her this evening when she arrives home. I told her that I want an explanation of moms finances, documentation, and there had better be a ledger presented to me.

Aparently sis called mom because mom has called 3 times. On the third call I explained to mom that I will not discuss the situation with her anymore, from now on I will only speak with sis. I explained that it is not moms place to arrange care for herself, that it is sis's responsibility.

If my landline keeps ringing, I'm gonna take it off the hook and turn off my cell.

SS yes I had started working on some things but I started getting depressed all over again and didn't like that feeling, still don't. Now it is imperative that I take action.

Naheaton, Pirate, and Beta Thank you for your input.

PAM:

Way to go girl! Your sister now has POA and all the responsibilities that come with it. She got what she wanted. But she can't have her cake and eat it too, and still dump everything on you. No doubt she'll try to lay a guilt trip on you with "But mom asked for you." Not an option!

Go ahead with the yard sale, pick up your son, and start living and loving yourself again. You've already sacrificed enough.

-- ED

Thank you Ed. I'm so glad someone understands this reversal of fortune!

Pamela, Good for you calling a meeting with your sister! I am proud of you! I know you don't want to deal with it, but sounds like someone needs to be proactive. It was great the way you handled your mom concerning this, too! I know you'd rather go sailing, etc., but I applaud you taking charge here, and demanding an accounting. Let heads roll! I definitely think she should be accountable, since you are a legally "interested party." She should not have control of your mom's finances without a check and balance system. And this has got to be so upsetting to your mother. I understand it is to you. We hate to see our loved ones suffer or be taken advantage of. What a pity. I hope you get some good results from the showdown. Will be praying for a good outcome for all concerned. Keep your cool, sister! She who keeps her emotions in check wins when things get heated. Do I detect sweating? I hope your sister complies. You hang in there, and let us know how things turn out. I think you're doing the right thing.

I hope that what sister spouted was a farce and there is actually monies for dear ole mom's golden years.

me too, just try not to let your sister see you sweat. Congratulations on your progress!

Pam -if you sister used you Mom's money for anything not for her care she will have to pay it back there is a 5 yr. look-back period and her money will have to be accounted for so if she is being sneaky it will come back to bite her very quickley it is amazing what the powers to be can find out about our activities so sister dear is not getting away with anything let us know how the showdown went-and I love all you guys even though I have not be on too much lately-I want to be available to my son who has a bump in the road right now-you are all in my mind and thoughts Pam keep up the good work sometimes us girls need to get b---- and girl you got them.

Quite a lot happened last night, most of which I won't display here, I'd rather keep it private but know that my mom, sis, and I are all good.

Thank you one and all and I certainly am still on cloud 9.

Good for you, Pamela! Happy for you.

I didn't know that being a POA meant you had to take care of a person physically all by yourself. If other children are involved, they SHOULD help, but not be forced to help if they have other plans -unless an agreement is worked out that Jane goes on certain days and Mary goes on certain days, etc. and possibly trading off ever-so-often. Your mother is mother to both of you. POA is not a bundle of fun in itself. It comes with a lot of other responsibilities as well as care giving. Of course some of the children won't help, no matter what, which makes a bigger burden for the ones that do help. If you can't help on a certain day, say so and don't feel guilty.

spcarpenter I have several post on this site. This is only one. In order to understand how I've arrived, you need to understand where I've been.

Amen, you might see her glory but you don't know her story!

Also, POA does not mena you have to take care of a person physically all by yourself. I have both medical and durable POA for my 78 year old mother who is in a rest home. Right now I'm cleaning up 6 years of financial stuff kept secret by her and my 86 year old step-dad. Thank God, my step-dad does not have POA. I visit my mother, keep a sharp eye on the nursing home staff, make sure she gets the medical care she needs, pay her bills, keep in touch with her long term health care insurance as well as I've made sure to collect all of her important legal and financial papers which includes her will, etc. I'm on disablity myself and so is my wife plus we are raising teenage boys. Neither I or my wife could do anything physically in terms of caring for my mother, but I can use the POA to make sure she is safe, she is cared for and protect her money from people who have already tried to get some from her, but her doctors declared her incompitent last May and put those statemens on papers that are noterized.