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My father is 91; his quality of life is very poor: he can barely walk; he's deaf. I'm very anxious when I'm around him because I feel so helpless. I don't want to be around him. He's so difficult to have a conversation with. It's so difficult to take him to the MD because he can barely walk. He wants to die to be with his deceased wife. and I want him to die to be released from his infirmities.

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my aunt wants to stay alive so she can show off all the attention shes getting at nh . im self employed and come and go at will . many of the people there dont have frequent visitors . edna thinks shes a VIP . she IS a VIP in my life . my mother was always sickly and BP . this is silly but when we were kids edna was very nurturing to us . the first time she ever made me a glass of tea and cracked the ice with a tablespoon it left a lifelong impression on me . she not only wanted to treat us but made an effort to make the treat special . its sure fun to treat her now that shes old and vulnerable ..
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On the lighter side -- I read what you and Pam were talking about, Capn, and I think you are right. There is unfinished business here for my mother. She loves her TV and it drives her crazy for me to watch anything on it. I get no peace if I'm trying to watch Big Bang or something. My mother knows that if she leaves that I'm liable to watch who-knows-what on her TV. So she has to stay and guard it. :)
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i have two ww11 vets living within a mile of me . one is 81 and works daily as a patrolman in a gated community . the other is 85 . he dont work much anymore but his days are spent preparing some pretty classy vittles for him and his two dogs . these men have aches and pains but they find a little joy anywhere they can .
then theres my hero . she had a new home built at the age of 92 . when one is forced to wonder why , the only answer you can come up with is ; evelyn just takes it a day at a time . she enjoyed her new home for 9 yrs till she died at 101 . easy life ? h*ll no . evelyn cared for her alz husband in her home for at leat 20 yrs until his death ..
i left a hepc chat group a few months ago because nearly everyone on there were just defeated before they left the starting gate . i got sick of their whining sh*t . if attitude counts , i was cured before i took the first pill .
i cant help but think thriving takes a special attitude ..
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meant 40% not 45%
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Cancer deaths are about 25% of the population starting at age 65. 10 years after that around 75 years of age comes heart failures and lung related deaths. That is 20%. 15% of people in United States die from accidents. That leaves the remainer of people 85 past 100 and over (not unheard of today of living past 100) of 45% of the population to become old and suffer until they die without any hope of ever enjoying another day for the rest of their life. This is the going to be the norm especially with the aging of the baby boomers and medical procedures keeping people who should of died alive way past their prime. So I do not believe that it is wrong to end suffering of an elder who really will never feel well again.
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That's more of you learn what you've seen. It's been instilled in your head! Spend 5 bucks and make it a bit easier for yourself.

No. I did not want to see my father die... yes he was deathly ill but stubborn strong so he did not show it. I'd give anything to have him home for at least 2 days so I can ask all those d*mn questions I didn't think of 2 years ago.

As far as mom, NO.... yes , she's a whackadoodle at times, but God love her, she is still kicking butt ( no accounting for her UTI which was/is DREADFUL) No... I do not.
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im certainly carrying on moms work of " we aint gonna pay it and let em keep it " .. shes right you know ? i was too chintzy to buy a water misting bottle for the cherry trees im trying to propagate . bush hogging a clover field yesterday , looked down in the dirt and by dam theres a misting bottle spray nozzle , minus the bottle ..
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Well said Captain. Often the dying are worried about those left behind, as if their work was unfinished. Maybe it is ours to finish, ours to carry on.
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i lived with my mother as dementia took her life and im watching dementia and decline take my 90 yr old aunt -- but , until my mom felt herself dying she still enjoyed playing inside of her quite genius mind , a bowl of cooked apples will bring a pretty smile from my aunt and today i took her two gold dollars that i picked up at the bank for her . the elders might seem quite miserable by our observations but there may well be things that bring them a lot of happiness . ive always thought that id never want to play out a terminal illness but stick a morphine drip in my wrist and it might be a different story altogether ..
my mother enjoyed delicious homemade food in her final months , my aunt just enjoys loving visitors . your elders are not going to go until theyve resolved some things in their minds not the least of which -- are their kids gonna be allright ..
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On the bad days I wonder why life has gotten to be so long and painful. I watched my father wither away to nothing, sitting in a chair all day long waiting for God. Now I see my mother doing the same thing. Her eyes are so tired. There is not a spark of life left in them, only misery. But still her body keeps going. For myself, I see my life ticking away and wonder how I keep holding my head up, living with this type of misery. All I can think is that this isn't right, but the only thing there is to do is wait. What I really wish is that my mother could feel better until it was time for her to leave the earth. As it is now, I just wonder why life continues when there is nothing but feeling bad.
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I hate to say this, but yes, I wish my 84-year-old mother-in-law would pass away. As of today she has wasted away down to 71 pounds. It is painful and excruciating to see her like this. I can't imagine what it feels like to be in her skin right now. I'm praying for her misery to end soon. I also pray that my husband and I will never experience what she is going through. Appreciate every day, folks.
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"My chains are gone. I've been set free" Dad is so depressed that he cannot walk. So horrified at his age in body. So bored with life now. All alone his children grown. His sister died 5 years previously and they were close. Yes. I want Dad to be free
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Yes, wanting an elderly parent to die is normal. We want them to be released from a miserable existence with no quality of life, we need a break from caring for them around the clock. We want their physical pain to stop. There are many reasons. Please don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.
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Well said Pam!
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If you believe in God and Heaven, and you believe their friends and loved ones wait for them there, why hold them back? We grieve for our own loss, but we wish them release from the bondage of old age. We hope Jesus comes for them tonight. There is no "guilt" attached to wishing for that. There is hope for something better, for them, not for us. Our misgivings come from being left behind, our loss of companionship on a long trek along a hidden path. Good or bad, we are accustomed to our co-pilots. We have them to lose, but they have everything to gain by going.
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I understand how hard it is.... especially when the parent is unhappy. It just doesn't seem right, does it? I felt the same way when my dad was dying from cancer...I was a nervous wreck and dad never said a WORD about how he hurt, just that he was ready to "get the h**l out of this h**l". Well.... as hard as is was for ME to see things a daughter should never see happen to their father... I wish he was back, as I would do it differently. I was scared, for him, for me, for life in general.

Your father probably doesn't have much time left with you and as hard as it is... do your best so YOU won't have any regrets and daddy, well... he can go in peace.

I wish you the best Pramoda :)
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