I am divorced and I want my life back. Any advice?

As you can imagine, your story is quite common. $1,000 is pitiful. Move out. Give them 2 weeks or what ever they need, but they both seem capable of picking up the phone and making their own arrangements. You need to be working one shift a day, with 2 days off and working on your own retirement. I wonder if you even have health insurance?

What is the plan, if your parents survive you? My sister cared for mother and the stress led to her early death. But, she wouldn't listen. Now, mother is hunky dorie, in a NH and is 96 1/2.

So they have too much for government aid - good for them!
Government aid is for people who are have-nots. It's not to avoid spending your own money. My very own mother was so angry she couldn't get any food support or anything because she had enough to live on, pay her bills, and put away. Really mom? Really? It's time they spend it on their old age care. That's what they earned it for.

This can happen several ways, one of which I call the "tv family" way. Everybody sees reason, agrees on the details, and are totally thrilled to make life changes. This never happens. Maybe it does, but those people never come to this site and I've not met any in person.

The other way most of us get through this is by exerting some authority and distancing ourselves to drive home the point, or some combination of both.

Mom & dad won't see what you bring until it's not there anymore. Sounds like they really need to be in a continuum care residence, where you can scale up care as necessary and they can stay together. It's fabulous. Or they need to hire in-home help, get on a public health nurse rotation, and hire transportation to doctor, grocery, etc.

We put my mom in a continuum care campus. She started in an apartment at one end. It was a normal apartment, but it had emergency cord in the bathroom, an I'm OK line to call every day, a small kitchen and 20 meals a month in the group dining room, activities, shuttle buses, and add-on services. She's now at the other end of the campus in secure memory care. The doctors go there. PT/OT is on site. So is beauty/barber, church, etc.

I know, mom & dad won't move. They're against it. Wild horses couldn't drag them, etc. Well... take mom on a tour of some places. They'll feed you lunch. They look like hotels. All the doors are really wide, there's no stairs. You can bring your own furniture. Mom will be able to see it's not an institution with iron bars, chains, and scary looking people confined to beds, moaning & howling.
Rent at these places varies wildly. It depends on how much luxury you need or not and where you are. My mom's apartment was $1350/month rent, here in MN, but it was "basic". That's all she needed. But it was the nicest place she's ever lived.

The other way is to move out, stop sacrificing yourself, and let them deal with it. "Tough Love"

At some point the perception of independence in-home is not worth it anymore, and they can flourish in a senior community or with more in-home & transportation services.

No, I do not have health insurance. I agree. I did this once before and moved to Colorado. They were in better shape then. My dad was in a nursing home at the time for rehab. Within two days of my leaving my mom fell and broke her hip. Then they were both in the NH. I came back and got them all set up when they were discharged and left again. A week to the day, my dad fell and broke his neck and pelvis. I felt quilty because no one else was stepping in and came back. I have saved their lives countless times by sending them to the hospital and taking care of them after surgeries, etc. I am going to get a job close by and move out. Thank u for your answer. We know these things but it helps to hear it.

Sometimes when we are too close to a situation we can't even see the other options, but there are always other choices if we are willing to explore/take them.
Why don't you have POA, or do you mean it just hasn't been invoked yet? Do you have a caregiver contract? There are many on this site that have given up their health and wealth for their parents only to see their non involved sibs share equally in the estate. If you moved home after your divorce they may think they are doing you a favour letting you "mooch" off you parents. Realistically, what would happen to your parents if you weren't there???

As an RN I think you could expect a high salary out in the world. If you truly feel you WANT (not need) to live with and care for you parents I would suggest you find outside employment and use your money to supplement their care for the hours you are away. You might say it makes no sense to pay someone else, but you would have time away and outside social interaction and you would be contributing to you own social security fund for the future. You would still personally need to cover the other 2 shifts daily, which in my opinion $1000 a month would barely compensate.

There's one obvious solution and that's for your parents, or you, to hire some help for them. I don't understand how they can "have too much money for any kind of help."

You write that you can't work because they can't be alone for 8 hours. Use their money to find someone or someones to care for them during that period.

Given the family dynamics you describe, this would be the obvious solution rather than compromising your own security.

I'm not being critical, just pointing out what I see as an obvious solution. I'm sure your parents would prefer you, but it would be better in the long run for them to get independent help without anticipating that you're going to compromise your own security and health, and it's obvious that you're not enthusiastic about the solutions you discussed.

If you continue accommodating parents you describe as not being particularly kind to you, you're only going to eventually hate being trapped and resent them.

Step back, get a clear head and make decisions that are healthy for you.

Witsend, I really sympathise. It was the mother breaking her hip bit that really got to me: you think you've got everything sorted, you breathe a sigh of relief and get ready to get going again, and then ker-poww! They get you every time.

Some home truths need to be told to your parents about the reality of what your time - not to mention your qualifications - is worth and what care costs, and what they've cost you. But I'm not pretending it's an easy conversation to have. Any possibility of somebody else, like a social worker or an OT or somebody, having it with them?

I have a job interview Monday at a nursing home. Ironically Geriatrics in my speciality. I am going to start working weekends and just tell my sister she has to come over.

That's what I intend to do. My dad wants to do things but he wants someone else to do it for him. He won't empty his own bag and he yells for me or mom to do it. Mom will cater to him more then me. He has outbursts of rudeness and nasty behavior. He doesn't appreciate anything you do. My brother in law gets mad about the same thing. He was waking us up in the middle of the night several times with that bag. I finally told him that was enough. It would last all night. He threw a huge fit like a baby several times but finally stopped when no one responded.

Snap! - I'm 52, too, or I will be in a minute anyway. Your parents are quite a bit younger than my mother was, though; and I know you'll be painfully aware of quite how long this project could have to run. Painfully and poignantly, I should say, because none of us wants it to end, so to speak.

If it's not a silly question, what do your sisters have to contribute to the discussion? Not interested in helping one thing, and fair enough if that's how they feel about it, at least in my view; but that doesn't actually mean that it's totally not their problem. They must have an *opinion*. They could conceivably stir themselves to add their weight to influencing your parents, which shouldn't be too much to ask. And you're right: unless and until one or both of your parents loses capacity, they are masters of their destiny and you cannot be held accountable for the consequences of their decisions.

Sadly, that won't stop you from feeling terrible about it if something happens to them, whether or not you could have prevented it in terms of practical reality. I'm sorry, I don't feel I'm helping much - but I am sending you vibes of fellow-feeling across the ether.

Witsend52 - If you are not POA or legal guardian of either of them, there is no law holding you down. You have not one iota of legal responsibility for them.
What you do have is years & years of programming that you are going to stay put and take it.

If you don't fight for yourself, nobody else will. Your mom has to get fed up enough to want help. Your dad has to decline some more, most likely.
YOU are not some magic person who can solve all their problems and be the hero.

Sounds like your other two sisters figured it out a long time ago, and you just need to catch up. Sometimes you have to let Humpty Dumpty fall off the wall to get him the help he needed in the first place.

If it had been up to me, my mom would have lived in a senior apartment 15 years ago, but she was so defiant, stubborn, loud, hostile, and ugly to anybody who suggested she not stay in a 4 bedroom house she could not manage. I had to let her get to such a bad state before she would be helped. Nobody else in the family was stepping in. They figured her out ages ago and walked away.

You have to decide what you really want in this life and get moving on it. Time's a wasting. Be aware that the price is going to be that your parent will probably do every stunt possible to make you stay there and keep their cushy situation going for them. Without you there, they have to face reality.