Please read about our journey over the past 4 years. LO passed away last week. Took care of lo for 4 years. Was on hospice and passed away at our house. We are physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. Is this normal? We did our best, but is it normal to wonder if we did our best. Is it normal to wonder if we will ever be normal again. I want to thank everyone who responded to my questions and concerns over the past 4 years. This sight was an invaluable resource. Any advice on how to pick up the pieces so to speak would be appreciated. Cannot explain how tired we are.
Should I have been more aware? Did I tell them I love them often enough? You can go on and on. Someone else said talking with Grief Couselors, a trusted spiritual person, even writing down your feelings might be a NEED for you. The Hospice team we worked with offered grief counseling, and so did the funeral home. Don't feel bad about needing it. We all need some sort of assistance to get through this loss.
It's mentally, emotionally and, even, physically exhausting. So, take things easy, give yourself time to heal, and accept that things won't improve overnight.
I think it's very normal to second guess yourself, so I would actively think of the ways in which your actions and decisions were made for the right reasons. Perfect doesn't exist, but I'm sure you did your best.
Be kind and patient with yourself. You'll get there.
And this may be the tip of the iceberg. There are a lot of emotions that will unravel and it is a lot to process.
This is one of the reasons that it is often said not to make any major decisions in the first year after a major life event. The death of a spouse is high on that list, the death of anyone close, a job change etc.
Give yourself some time to process emotions and find out who you are and what you do now.
Take advantage of the Bereavement support that Hospice will offer.
Most will have a class scheduled but if you need to talk before then Hospice will have Bereavement Counselors that you can talk to any time.
What you are feeling it totally normal to YOU. Everyone deals with loss differently and in their own time. Please do not let anyone rush you. Your grief, your time.
I wish you the best.
After she passed, I remember my aunt driving me home from the funeral, and I was just so exhausted. I didn't want to go to anyone's home and sit around and socialize/mourn, and my aunt didn't either. That was her sister. I remember she drove me straight home and I got home, took a shower and crashed and stayed asleep until the next morning.
The next day, I was exhausted again. Rinse and repeat. I guess it's the grieving process.
I think all the wondering is absolutely normal. My experience is that these times change you so you will develop a new normal and that's OK.
Wishing you all the best for the times ahead. (((((hugs)))))
It will take some time to remember who you were and what you wanted to do before this. And that person you were has now evolved, so take into consideration the "new you" and where your life is headed now. Make some goals. Reconnect with friends. Volunteer.
When you start being active, you will find it will give you new energy.
remind yourself that death is part of life and there was nothing you could do to change that. Believe that your loved one is in a better place without pain. Watch the birds, be around children if you can. Find grace in little things. Make a list of the things you wished you could do while busy caretaking and start planning to do them. List what you are grateful for about you loved one and look at their pictures of many years ago. They lived. It’s your turn. Breathe. One step
in front of the other. Blessings
When I was a caregiver for my mother, one of her friends gave me wonderful advice as she was a former caregiver for her mother. When making important decisions about how to take care of someone, think it through carefully. Will your choices be good ones in the long term and the best for your loved one? If yes, then go ahead, and the guilt of not having done enough is gone. Or at least it was in my case. At the time I was doing my best. I honestly do not have any regrets. Now I care for my husband with dementia. Extraordinarily hard choices will have to be made about his care. I will do the best I can.
Exhaustion is normal. Make sure to stay hydrated, have a healthy snack. If possible, share your experiences with family and friends. It's time to unwind from the grind of stress and caregiving.
When my caregiving is over, I plan on traveling a little. There's a big world out there and it would be nice to see some of it. This helps me to think past the rigors of caregiving.
You have invested years of your life in being a caregiver. It has been your choice.
You are exhausted now, and in a state both of great change for your lives, and of exhaustion.
Please give yourself time. This is like anything very hard. There is a time when it is over of PTSD. You have post traumatic shock as certain as anyone battling cancer with surgery and treatments, any soldier sent to battle.
Give yourself time. Remember to remember the humor, the good times, and all you learned as you gave of yourselves.
Do something refreshing for yourselves.
It can be something simple. My son painted my room, replaced outlet covers and light switches (from tan to white), and installed new baseboard heaters, and I replaced the carpet. The room got a total refresh. I replaced my old furniture with my mom's bedroom set and got new curtains. I now have transformed a room of sadness into a bright and beautiful calming place.
Or, if the budget allows, start planning a trip to a place that holds good memories or explore somewhere new.
You will get through this.
Great idea!
in fact, read on some blog how this woman recreated their rather masculine bedroom and reclaimed it after her husband died.
She did spectacular job!
So rest now and don't entertain the woulda, coulda, shoulda's as we all do the very best we can do and that has to be enough.
Your loved one knew that you did your best and that you loved them and that in the end is all that matters.
I wish you well in now taking care of yourself and getting the proper rest you need to get on with living and enjoying your life.
God bless you.
Mental exhaustion begins long time before final event I believe. As there is roller coaster, turmoil, uncertainty and grief.
In fact, I am already needing to rebuild my life I.e grief for things lost and concentrate on what is ahead. Not easy but every little thing of doing something for myself helps.
Therapist asked me this week what would I do right now if I could do anything. Easy, no hesitation. I would pack suitcases and buy around the world ticket.
She said plan and visualize it.
It will not happen now.
But making plans helps.
Spoil yourself if you can. Spa weekend?
Maybe nice Caribbean cruise?