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Please read about our journey over the past 4 years. LO passed away last week. Took care of lo for 4 years. Was on hospice and passed away at our house. We are physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. Is this normal? We did our best, but is it normal to wonder if we did our best. Is it normal to wonder if we will ever be normal again. I want to thank everyone who responded to my questions and concerns over the past 4 years. This sight was an invaluable resource. Any advice on how to pick up the pieces so to speak would be appreciated. Cannot explain how tired we are.

There is a reason hospice offers counseling after a death. Grief has many manifestations. For me it was strange things going on with my heart after my husband passed. I went through the tests and my heart is in great shape. It was just my body's expression of grief.

Do something refreshing for yourselves.

It can be something simple. My son painted my room, replaced outlet covers and light switches (from tan to white), and installed new baseboard heaters, and I replaced the carpet. The room got a total refresh. I replaced my old furniture with my mom's bedroom set and got new curtains. I now have transformed a room of sadness into a bright and beautiful calming place.

Or, if the budget allows, start planning a trip to a place that holds good memories or explore somewhere new.

You will get through this.
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Reply to graygrammie
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Evamar Aug 22, 2025
Gg,
Great idea!
in fact, read on some blog how this woman recreated their rather masculine bedroom and reclaimed it after her husband died.
She did spectacular job!
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All the things you mention are normal, and many of us have experienced the same feelings. We’re all tired.

I am sorry for your loss, but I’m thankful that you no longer carry that heavy burden. I wish you peace.
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Reply to Fawnby
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I have been doing this for 3 years. They sent my mother home on hospice with 6 months or less. But we are exhausted too I just joined the forum. I hope they can help.

I am sorry for you loss
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Reply to Spotsyvagirl87
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I am sorry for your loss. You did your best!
Mental exhaustion begins long time before final event I believe. As there is roller coaster, turmoil, uncertainty and grief.
In fact, I am already needing to rebuild my life I.e grief for things lost and concentrate on what is ahead. Not easy but every little thing of doing something for myself helps.
Therapist asked me this week what would I do right now if I could do anything. Easy, no hesitation. I would pack suitcases and buy around the world ticket.
She said plan and visualize it.
It will not happen now.
But making plans helps.
Spoil yourself if you can. Spa weekend?
Maybe nice Caribbean cruise?
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Reply to Evamar
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VERY normal. Give yourselves grace. Don’t try to toughen up or push through the tiredness. REST.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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Of course you're exhausted. Who wouldn't be? But in time, lots of time, your life will slowly but surely return to some sort of normalcy.
So rest now and don't entertain the woulda, coulda, shoulda's as we all do the very best we can do and that has to be enough.
Your loved one knew that you did your best and that you loved them and that in the end is all that matters.
I wish you well in now taking care of yourself and getting the proper rest you need to get on with living and enjoying your life.
God bless you.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I'm sorry for your loss. Your exhaustion is understandable. I still wonder, after 3 years if I did all that I could have for my mom. Did I choose the correct memory care? Was calling in hospice the right thing to do? But none of the questioning changes anything. You now have time to rethink your own lives and you can't make those changes quickly or without the very difficult and tiring letting go that is required. It will get easier. It's time to take care of yourselves now. Sleep. Just sit and do nothing. Spend time in nature or with friends. Whatever relaxes your body and mind.
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Reply to ArtistDaughter
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I am so sorry for your loss.
You have invested years of your life in being a caregiver. It has been your choice.
You are exhausted now, and in a state both of great change for your lives, and of exhaustion.
Please give yourself time. This is like anything very hard. There is a time when it is over of PTSD. You have post traumatic shock as certain as anyone battling cancer with surgery and treatments, any soldier sent to battle.
Give yourself time. Remember to remember the humor, the good times, and all you learned as you gave of yourselves.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Very sorry for your loss. Please give yourselves time to grieve and be gentle with yourselves.
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Reply to Rbuser1
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I’m sorry for all it, the very long road of exhausting caregiving, the self doubts, and the loss of someone you love. Wishing you much rest, healing, and peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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