Very upset with client's family. Am I wrong?

There's too many variables at play here--you really can't trust the cook to avoid the foods you can't eat, so every meal you eat there is a recipe (pardon the pun) is a potential nightmare. A lot of people don't understand that true food allergies can be LIFE THREATENTING and not just 'a fussy eater'. I could see the daughter cooking with the vegetables in the soup and then just skimming the offenders out--you still have the allergens you just can't see them.

Just bring all your own food. All of it. If your salary was partially compensating your for meals eaten in, then renegotiate your salary. It can't be THAT much!

I would never have asked my clients' family to acquiesce in any way to MY dietary likes/dislikes/allergies. I was there to care for my client, not fuss food.

I see both points of view, and honestly, think you should take the high road and just bring your own food.

I agree that you need to renegotiate, ask them to pay more and you can buy your own food. Of course the cheapskates likely will balk at that, which leaves you with another problem, to accept the status quo or not, to stay or go.

As for feeding the client - that is a gift from you, and as much as you care for her I wouldn't get into the habit of doing it. At some point you have to put your needs first, no one else ever will.

The once a week meat thing shows me there could be cultural/traditional/financial differences to consider.
My childhood family was from Texas, meat at every meal, including breakfast for starters. As an ignorant adult, I continued the meat idea.
That said, even if you are from the same culture with similar traditions, barring any allergies, the differences in food may not be to your liking. Even from one house to the next house. Understanding those differences can be helpful.

For example, I want to apologize for using the word miserly in my description of your employer. Sorry.

If negotiating, would it be helpful to start again, asking your employer what she wants to do? Midkid makes a good point, not asking the employer to change the meals for you. At about this time, if it was me, I would be sneaking out for In N Out Burgers for meals. But that is just me.

Well unless you are prepared to quit you pay for your own food.
Who would cover for you while you are at the ER?
And who wants to be sick!

I suppose you had no idea that your clients diet would be so restrictive when you took the job but now you know to include your food allergies into the equation when the room and board is a portion of your compensation.

If it’s too big of an expense, start looking for another job.
Try not to let your employer spoil your mood. I know that’s easier said than done.

Sometimes it helps to own your portion of the problem.
1. Not negotiating in advance.
2. Doing favors and expecting them to be reciprocated.
3. Not being consistent.

I know I’m reaching here a bit but that’s all you’ve told us that I could see where you could have done something different.
It sounds like she has a mean streak and will take advantage of any opening you give her. Now you know.

Thank you for being a good care giver.

You could be right, but that won't help you at all. The daughter has a budget, and is going to be miserly with food.

Buy your own food.
Never buy the client food.
1) her daughter doesn' t want you to.
2) You will not be reimbursed.

Renegotiate an acceptable salary.
1) Based upon you buying your own food. (The amount she did agree to reimburse you before.).
2) Based upon you don't work extra hours for free, ever, this is your living wage, you do not run a charity!

It is hard enough to be strict, care for someone without it costing something, somewhere. Always ask and get the money ahead of time if ever you need to spend on your client. Just don't spend your money on your client, be strict about that part. It is business. She is a client, not family.

Be strict about your breaks and time off. If the daughter is busy and you cover for her, right then negotiate those hours off in trade.

You are in a heart-wrenching giving job, good for you! It will take all you've got, and then some.

Sorry, I did not read all the comments. My eyes are just too tired.

You need to quit and report this woman to APS. What she is feeding your client is not enough. Client needs more than meat once a week. Is it really worth all this. Does the woman not know just having something your allergic to cooked in the soup u can still have a reaction to even if u remove it.

First point I want to make is that YOUR number 1 responsibility is to take care of yourself. With food allergies your should NEVER risk eating anything you believe includes items you are allergic to. It's not only an expensive ER visit, it could be your life. As the doctor warned me after a couple of ER visits with an increasingly bad reaction, even with an epi pen you might not make it to the ER next time. so bring your own food and/or only eat what you prepare.

Second point is you're not wrong to expect reimbursement after it was agreed to; however, it sounds like you were not consistent about getting reimbursed so you contributed to opening the door for the daughter to mess with you.

Nothing is more "professional" than a written agreement properly executed. Your written agreement doesn't have to include a lot of legalize, it just needs to clearly state the terms (compensation, working conditions, services you provide). I suggest you include a food allowance (due to your allergies) and time and a half pay for any extra days you may work when requested at least 48 hours in advance of the shift beginning. If/when you choose to talk with the daughter, I suggest you have a written agreement to present.

Third, I don't understand the daughter stating she wants her mother to eat soup because she doesn't have time to prepare anything else. I would normally expect a live in care giver to prepare simple meals for the client. Could the daughter have taken your cooking a different meal and your client's appreciation of it as some kind of challenge to her control? Or maybe she feels guilty over it because she feels/knows she should be providing some variety in her mother's diet?

Fourth, your client's comment about going through several care givers because of how her daughter treats them leads me to believe you won't be there long regardless of whether you choose to stand up for yourself and talk with the daughter or not. I recommend looking for a new position; however if you choose to stay, stay with good grace. If you choose to stay after the daughter has treated you poorly, that does not give you the right to display anger or reduce the quality of your work over being "taken advantage of". When you choose to stay you agree to be 'taken advantage of", at least for the short term.

God bless you. Even if the daughter doesn't properly appreciate your efforts, I'm sure your client does.

Thank you for your answers and yes I was paid for the extra hours worked

The client is basically a patient (trying to make a point here to give you information). She is on a special diet/soup.
What does the daughter eat? Is that any different?
You need an allergy free diet, also different.
The daughter may not have been aware prior to hiring you.

Again, renegotiate so you will buy your own food. Imo.

BTW, scrutinizing your post, looking at it from the opposite side from yours......
because if you could not tell, I am on your side trying to help...
No one who is that allergic would ever eat something (not ever, not at all) that would put them in the hospital with an allergic reaction. So, you will he buying your own food. To dramatize the dispute, by what you said:
" I already don't want to go back there to have myself admitted to the hospital for a severe allergic reaction to what's being offered to me to eat." could be misinterpreted to be a dramatic statement. Get it? Not being mean....
Also, one might ask then, (to be dramatic): Are you well enough to work?

If you are a live in caregiver why don't you prepare meals?

I bet if you talked to the daughter and negotiated meals she would probably appreciate having you cook and freeze some meals for her caregiving shifts.

I am a bit awed that you would expect them to provide and prepare meals for you. Maybe I am misunderstanding.