When I try to change him he grips on to his clothes with unbelievable strength. It is impossible to pull the clothes away. It can take 45 minutes to an hour to finally remove his clothing. Please, any suggestions ?
My step mom goes through this with my dad. Is there a reason he has to get up? My dad sleeps until lunch time then is cooperative - he has to get changed to have lunch. Of course, he stays up later at night but my step mom just goes to bed. is it possible to let him drive the schedule somewhat instead of having a fight with him? Good luck to you
Three days a week he goes to adult daycare which I feel is very beneficial for him. I also have this every time he needs to be changed. I also don't feel comfortable going to bed if he is up. I do appreciate your input.
Lion65 - OK, I'm sorry my input didn't match. My dad does not go to adult daycare - (he should, but refuses) and I can see that it is beneficial. So - obviously he needs to get dressed to go, or to be changed. My dad is not yet fighting dressing/changing - but others on this forum will no doubt have some good advice for you. You have a lot to handle caring for your husband - take care of yourself too.
Lion, I think I know the stiffness you're talking about. My father would stiffen his body when he fell. I couldn't even sit him up because his abdominals would lock in place. One time when he fell in the middle of the night, we tried to get him back in bed. He pushed back and held onto blankets, rather than helping. It was almost impossible and I swore to never do that again.
My father had mixed dementia. I don't think that he was opposing being helped. I think that he didn't know what to do and locked his muscles. It may be the same with your husband. He doesn't understand completely what is being done, though he goes through it often. My only suggestion would be to get him ready the night before if his clothes would stay clean enough. Then he would be almost ready to go when he first woke. Of course, if he has to be changed in the morning, this wouldn't work.
Random suggestions; Make sure the room is warm (maybe hot) so that he doesn't feel the cold air as a shock. Maybe try filling his hands with something else (a towel?) before removing anything, and remove the clothes SLOWLY. Maybe sleep in a hospital gown, sweats or other easy-to-remove garment? Cover privates with a towel so he doesn't feel exposed (get lots and lots inexpensive white hand towels for cleaning up -- you can find them in 12 packs at Costco).
I've seen one of Teepa Snow's videos about dealing with Lewy Body Dementia in which the patient does just the opposite of what is being asked. "Open your mouth, honey, so I can help you brush your teeth" and the mouth is clamped tightly shut. "Lean toward me and I'll help you up" and the patient leans back as far as he can.
These are not deliberate opposition. They are the brain scrambling the message. Hmmm. It may help to just know this. Also less talking about what to do and more reliance on muscle memory. Instead of saying "open your mouth" gently direct the tooth brush toward the mouth -- the mouth will know what to do.
When my son helped my husband up from a sitting position he would stand directly in front of him and say "Give me a hug, Dad." And hubby would automatically lean forward and reach out his hands, allowing Son to work with him. Saying "lean forward and grab for me" was just too complicated. "Hug me" evoked an automated response.
Perhaps a search would let you view that particular video.
My husband also went to a day program. It got harder and harder (for both of us) to be ready when the van arrived. I arranged for him to start an hour later and stay a little longer. Much better all the way around.
My father had mixed dementia. I don't think that he was opposing being helped. I think that he didn't know what to do and locked his muscles. It may be the same with your husband. He doesn't understand completely what is being done, though he goes through it often. My only suggestion would be to get him ready the night before if his clothes would stay clean enough. Then he would be almost ready to go when he first woke. Of course, if he has to be changed in the morning, this wouldn't work.
Make sure the room is warm (maybe hot) so that he doesn't feel the cold air as a shock.
Maybe try filling his hands with something else (a towel?) before removing anything, and remove the clothes SLOWLY.
Maybe sleep in a hospital gown, sweats or other easy-to-remove garment?
Cover privates with a towel so he doesn't feel exposed (get lots and lots inexpensive white hand towels for cleaning up -- you can find them in 12 packs at Costco).
These are not deliberate opposition. They are the brain scrambling the message. Hmmm. It may help to just know this. Also less talking about what to do and more reliance on muscle memory. Instead of saying "open your mouth" gently direct the tooth brush toward the mouth -- the mouth will know what to do.
When my son helped my husband up from a sitting position he would stand directly in front of him and say "Give me a hug, Dad." And hubby would automatically lean forward and reach out his hands, allowing Son to work with him. Saying "lean forward and grab for me" was just too complicated. "Hug me" evoked an automated response.
Perhaps a search would let you view that particular video.
My husband also went to a day program. It got harder and harder (for both of us) to be ready when the van arrived. I arranged for him to start an hour later and stay a little longer. Much better all the way around.