Howdy all. My Mom passed away on Easter. I was her POA for finances and medical care, and I'm now her successor executor with Sister 1 being the executor. Some of you may remember my two sisters are narcissistic. S1's having a rough time with Mom's passing. I get that, but she refuses to face the paperwork involved, but she had the energy to get with Mom's lawyer and go nuts about my handling of Mom's finances, even getting Sister 2 involved, and spun up all to the point they accused me of mishandling Mom's finances. After all my work in the past years to arrange Mom's finances and her house so we would't have to go through probate, Mom's lawyer said he'd file for probate and force an accounting. At one point I worried sick whether I needed a lawyer and worried I'd be arrested. Neither sister talked with me about anything other than to be nasty to me.
Finally, Sister 2 arrived one morning with a list of questionable transfers the lawyer wanted me to explain and show receipts. I answered every question, pulling up the monthly statement that I've always compiled, and why it happened. I showed her my notes. They questioned the amounts that I transferred reimbursing myself for Mom's expenses (I can't afford to pay her expenses, only my own). She tried to argue that I should have separated all expenses. I said, "That's stupid. We drink the same milk, use the same roll of toilet paper, and eat the same meals."
I showed S2 all the receipts, notes and how I accounted for Mom's and my expenses--a tedious but easy system. The amounts matched what I transferred every month, and she understood it all. Finally, she said she had no more questions and called S1 immediately that she was satisfied with all my answers and the receipts, that I wasn't nervous at her questioning (I hid it great apparently), and that she believes my accounting of Mom's money was satisfactory. S1 was like "Okay, I'll notify Lawyer."
I can't stand it. They put me through another hell immediately after Mom's death, never having included me in any talks about Mom's finances, and didn't even apologize or anything for accusing me after working so hard to Mom's benefit.
Now, S1 constantly exclaims that she can't handle Mom's checking account, the life insurance claim, other finances, and has done nothing about dealing with Mom's estate--except getting the lawyer spun up and then when I offered to write the check for a pharmacy bill we got for Mom, she said she didn't know how much was left in Mom's checking account. I exclaimed, "There's eight thousand dollars in there!" She admitted being told to remove a lot and she doesn't even know how much she took out! She doesn't know anything and just flails her arms.
At that point, I am refusing to touch anything to do with Mom's finances, even the checking account, and I'm on the account. I refused her tonight when she pushed me to write the checks. I will not write a check or do anything with the finances after being dragged into hell for no reason. After Mom died, I had asked her if she wanted me to take over as executor. (Before Mom died S1 was happy to agree to my being executor as S1 said she couldn't do it.)
Now I'm concerned about what's happened with Mom's finances and whether she will properly take care of Mom's estate. The bills are still sitting here. I don't want the responsibility of being executor at this point. I do NOT want to put myself out there for Sisters' abuse anymore.
Do any of you have any suggestions? I go back home at the end of this month. We have a buyer for Mom's house. I can't wait to go home, but I do feel a desire to make sure Mom's estate is properly taken to its end. Right now I'm scared that will not happen.