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My father and mother live in a retirement community (recently moved there.) My father has incontinence and uses depends pads. Since they moved to the new community he has had many accidents and is soaking through pads. I should also mention that he has early signs of dementia. My mother feels embarrassed and depressed about the smell. He does shower every day. I set up a schedule for him to follow to change his pads, but he isn't following it and my mother is too embarrassed/annoyed/tired or whatever to get after him to change his pads over the course of each day. I just don't know what else to do. Clearly he is forgetting or having sensation problems that the pads are soaked. Any ideas or suggestions would be so helpful.

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The lesson is that everyone should anticipate at least a little dementia in their parents' lives and be prepared for it. It does happen to just about everyone that lives long. Very few remain unscathed and sharp as a tack.
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Thank you everyone for your very helpful tips and ideas. Of all the things that we prepared for with my parents getting older, dementia was not one of them. It has thrown us for a loop. I guess no one thinks it will "happen to them." Thank you again for your support, from the bottom of my heart. It helps so much!
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If using a pet product presents embarrassment or a problem, since you're already dealing with some denial, you may want to put the Nature's Miracle into another type of container or plain spray bottle the first time you use it. Mom will see it as a god-send, hopefully, and will then be more inclined to accept it as the solution. You might want to keep dad from finding out, though, if you think this will add to his embarrassment.
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I second the Nature's Miracle suggestion -- it works really well. Get the formula specially made for urine -- it is stronger and more effective and only costs a bit more, but is worth it.
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Pet products like Nature's Miracle can help get rid of odors or stains, treat as early as possible. DON'T do what my mom did and put out tons of mothballs to cover it up! I would guess you Mom is pretty depressed and if there is anything you can do for that it would be good and make her feel more able to deal with this more effectively. If you show that you are not embarrassed and just deal with it as practically as possible it may help her as well. And, as Pam hinted - this is not going to get better - there are worse things ahead with progression of dementia. It is a good time to make sure plans for more support are in place. Sorry you are headed down this road....hugs.
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You can now get Prevail Boxer Style and other brands have them too. At some point Dad will need an aide to prompt him if mom won't..
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Please have dad try the newer "underwear" style pants. They look and feel like regular underwear, and he'll probaby be more comfortable with them. Also keep in mind that he may not actually know when he is "going", so, unfortunately, mom is going to have to get over her embarrassment and annoyance and keep him dry. This is only the beginning, and her job is going to get a lot harder. If she really can't step up to the tasks, check into getting them help in their home, since they will eventually need it anyway, and the sooner they get used to it, the better it will be for everyone.
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Or if your Dad is like mine, he doesn't want to spend a lot of money on the pads, so he tries to get as much use out of one pad as he can. Take away the pads and start getting him the full pant Depends.

Oh, and be so very glad that he takes a daily shower. If you read about others when it comes to their parents and incontinence, they are lucky if they can get their parent to bathe once a week.
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